Dear Phoenix Letter #3

Dear Lucy,

Your name was never going to be Lucy. However, for the sake of this letter and the song I'll be using, it felt appropriate. The name of the song is Lucy by Skillet.

Hello Lucy. It's Mommy. We may never meet, but I want to let you know that I love you. That your daddy loves you. We wanted you more than anything. But, Mommy got really sick in where Mommy's make babies. I lost you during one of the most challenging times in our lives. I still hold you close and close to my heart. To be honest, you probably saved Mommy's life. I owe the rest of my life dedicated to you. So I want to tell you about so many things.

"Hey Lucy I remembered your name,"

Your name would have been Adreama Rose if you were a girl. If you were boy, it would have been Joshua Dimitri or Dimitri Joshua. The verdict is still out on that. However, your daddy and I would have been simply happy with a healthy baby. Though secretly, your daddy wanted a boy. However, if it were up to your "sisters" (they are your cousins, but they would have been like a sister to you) Sky and Marlee, I think they would want another girl.

I have tried so many times to picture your sweet face. It is hard to do because you never had a chance to enter this world.

I often dream about you. Always running around after you, picking you up just to tickle you. Just to hear you laugh. Would you have blue eyes like me? Or those dark chocolate brown eyes that Daddy has? I wonder what traits you would get from us. I always wanted you Lucy. Always. But things did not work out.

"I just left a dozen roses on your grave today. I'm in the grass on my knees, wiping the leaves away. I came to talk for a while, got somethings that I need to say,"

Hey Lucy, did you know you have a giant family? There is me, Mommy, and of course your daddy.

Then your Auntie that would have been also your God Mommy. Her name is Auntie Kasey, or if you wanted, you could call her mommy too. I would be okay with that. Then you have your Uncle Lophus. Then your brothers Dean and Xander and your sisters Sky and Marlee. Then your Nonni and Papa. Let us not forget your Auntie Amanda, she is awesome and fun. Plus all our crazy animals. You would have loved our dogs. You would have loved our craziness. You would have loved every one. And they would have loved you so much.

"Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her. I'd give up all the world to see…That little piece of heaven lookin' back at me,"

I would have loved to watch you grow up and see the kind of person you would have become. I would not care what kind of job you had if you were happy. All I ever wanted for you was to be happy. I wanted to give you the world. To do things that I never had the chance to do. I wanted things to be different.

Hey Lucy, what is your favorite animal?

Mine is a red panda. They come from Asia and are highly taken care of there. They have some down at the Knox Zoo. You would have loved them. Though something tells me, you're a real fan of Monkeys. Your Auntie and Nonni do not like monkeys at all. It would have been super funny having you running around with a stuff monkey chasing them in playful manner. I wish I could hear the sound of your sweet voice. I wish I could hear your little belly laughs.

"They said it'd bring some closure to say your name. I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance. But all I got are these roses to give, and they can't help me make amends,"

I wonder what kind of hobbies you would be into? Your father and I love reading. It allows us to escape and enter a world of fantasy. One of my favorite books is called Inkheart. The main character Mo could read aloud and things could come alive from the book. It's an interesting read. I'd give it a chance. I'm not sure what your dad's favorite is, but he reads so many books that I'd guess it be a hard pick. Oh, and your Auntie even wrote a book.

What about music? I love all kinds of music except for rap. I forbid you to listen to it. It's not appropriate for a little kid. Even for some adults.

Your dad likes this thing called EDM or something like that. It's a lot of electronic beats that make some cool music. Your Auntie likes all sorts of music too. Your Uncle? No idea - No wait, Auntie just said he likes Alternative Rock and almost all music, especially from the 80s and 90s. I don't think he listens to music. He mostly likes listening to podcasts or the Dungeons & Dragons group Critical Roll.

"Here we are, now you're in my arms. I never wanted anything so bad. Here we are for a brand new start. Livin' the life we could've had. Me and Lucy walking hand in hand. Me and Lucy never want to end, Just another moment in your eyes. I'll see you in Another life, in Heaven where we never say goodbye,"

Hey Lucy. Listen. I love you so much. I'd give you the world to have you here in my arms. Maybe one day we'll see each other again. One day. I love you so much my child.

Please watch over us and protect us. Give Linkie a hug and kiss for us. Let him show you around. He's pretty wild, so hold on to his leash very tightly. I want you to be good, and show me that you can be the best baby you can be.

I love you, Lucy, so much.

With Love,

Mommy

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