Carried on Her Shoulders

My grandmother has 9 children, 36 grandchildren and great grandchildren, and 2 more on the way. That’s 47 offspring and counting! Even once she’s gone, that number will continue to grow exponentially. When I was a child I was in awe of her. Even then I saw her as a creator. I imagine she’s the most immortal person I know. There was an energy in her in those days that brought the rest of us to life. She was always singing and she had a song for absolutely everything. There was something so maternal and comforting about her voice. With so many mouths to feed, my grandfather was always away at one job or another. He would come home exhausted and park on the recliner. I guess that’s why I always saw my grandmother as the matriarch. I saw her preparing well-budgeted meals for hordes of hungry grandkids. I saw her wielding a screwdriver and changing lightbulbs. She had the knowledge to do home repairs by herself. She never waited for her husband to come home to take care of something. When he did come home, I saw her make him a sandwich and plate of chips and bring it to him on the recliner. I remember the sound of his voice calling, “Laura, another popsicle!” She took care of all of us, including him.

I realize now that these early perceptions shaped my opinion of women in general. I always aspired to be a matriarch, a person of importance, like her. I always aspired to be knowledgeable, self-reliant, and nurturing. Out of her 27 adult children and grandchildren, I am the only one who is gay. Nothing changed with Grandma after I came out. She gave me as much love as ever.

Now, I have a wife and a house of my own. Someday we hope to add to our family, but for now it’s just the two of us. I’ve come into the role of head of household. I am the main financial decision-maker and the one more likely to take on a project. I honestly don’t believe my role would be any different if I had a husband instead of a wife. I believe this mindset comes from my grandmother. There was never a limit on what she could accomplish and, everything she accomplished, she did while sustaining the multiple lives she created.

I know that my grandmother’s example helped me to become a true leader and tackle my adult obligations with confidence. Her example also influenced my mom, who earned a Master’s degree while raising two rambunctious little girls. She is as fearless and capable as her own mother.

So where did my grandmother learn to be so fearless? Unfortunately, at the age of three, my grandmother lost her mother to tuberculosis. With two small daughters at that time, her father needed to marry again quickly and so he married his late wife’s sister. It was a marriage of convenience. Someone needed to be a mother for those children. I imagine my great-grandmother/great-aunt was just as invincible. She proved that the unexpected challenges of life could be tackled. Life goes on, but often we need to carry it along on our own shoulders.

Now, it is almost time to say goodbye to my grandma. She is 88 years old and suffering from kidney failure. Next week I will be taking my mom on the long drive to visit her and I fully expect this to be our final visit. How can we say goodbye to this incredible woman who shaped my mother and I by her example? How can I ensure that she remains immortal as life goes on and great-grandchildren continue to arrive?

All I can do is live according to her example. She is a strong, fearless woman full of love. And life goes on, carried on the shoulders of strong women.