Breaking the Silence on Male Infertility

National Infertility Awareness Week in the U.S. is April 23 through April 29, 2023

When was the last time you heard a man speak openly and honestly about infertility? For many people, the answer is “Never.” But the statistics show that infertility is more common than most people realize.

In Canada, one in six couples experience infertility. While in the U.S., around one in 10 couples will struggle to have a child. That means you know someone — likely multiple people — who have dealt with infertility, even if you weren’t aware of it. These people are your coworkers, friends, and neighbors.

When women have difficulty trying to conceive, they tend to be more open about it. Women will seek out support and talk about their experiences. But the same is not true for most men, and they pay the price.

Jon Waldman, an author and father from Winnipeg, is working to get men talking. He is now an infertility advocate on the podcast and TV circuit, most men aren’t so open.

Starting the Conversation: Why Men Need to Talk About Infertility

At the heart of Waldman's memoir, Swimming Aimlessly, is the need for men to talk about their infertility experiences. The struggle is both deeply personal and isolating for men. They often don’t have an outlet for the emotions they feel.

Many of the conversations that men have with each other center around jobs, sports, entertainment, or their families. Men just don’t have deep emotional conversations the same way that women do. Unfortunately, their mental health suffers as a result. Depression is a very real side effect to infertility.

Waldman notes in his book that, “[A]round 42 per cent of all those with infertility issues have considered suicide.” There are few other pursuits that takes such an emotional, physical, and financial toll on couples — all without a guaranteed outcome. And Waldman is open about the depression he went through as he and his wife struggled with infertility.

Waldman notes that couples can process their infertility together as a couple, and then separately as individuals. He points out that allowing men to talk about their infertility is often a two part process. First, both the man and the woman need to recognize when the man is ready to talk. Then, talk. “Just talk. Just let it out.”

Some men will benefit greatly just from talking with their partner. Then if he is not ready or willing to talk to his friends and family, he can seek out counseling. Facebook groups and online forums are other options and can offer anonymity, if desired.

Every Couple’s Journey is Different

The book’s title is, of course, a humorous nod to sperm. After some initial testing, Waldman was told he had sperm motility issues — meaning his sperm weren’t moving fast enough.

After five long years of testing and procedures, Waldman and his wife Elana successfully conceived via IVF. Their daughter, Kaia, was born in 2015. But, as Waldman emotionally points out in his TEDx Talk on infertility, not every couple gets their baby.

Fertility medicine has made strides in recent years, but there are no guarantees. And pursuing infertility treatments is expensive. In both Canada and the U.S., fertility treatments are typically considered elective procedures and are not covered by insurance.

Waldman calls this assessment “cruel,” considering the various elective procedures that insurance does pay for. Tax credits may be available for some fertility treatments, but the couple still has to pay out of pocket first.

From a medical standpoint, there has been less research and less interest in male infertility. For example, Waldman states that men’s sperm counts have been dropping over the years and there are no solid explanations as to why. And while women benefit from fertility specialists, these medical professionals are few and far between for men.

Waldman Continues to Be an Advocate

For many couples who deal with infertility, it is a temporary stage in life that they pass through. They move on in one way or the other, either by having a child, adopting, or accepting a childless life. It is a door they are happy to close.

But even though Waldman is now a father, he is still a infertility spokesperson and a source of support for men and couples. He can be reached on Twitter, @jonwaldman.

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Visit Amazon to purchase Swimming Aimlessly: One Man’s Journey Through Infertility and What We Can All Learn From It.

View his TEDx Talk, “Swimming Aimlessly: Getting Men to Talk About Infertility.”