Blended

Exhaustion, doubt and worry are no strangers to parents. Not everyone talks about it but we are all navigating parenthood in very different ways and 2020 hasn’t made it any easier.

I, personally, am learning and adapting to a new blended family environment. When I say new, it’s been 10 months (8 of which we’ve been in and out of quarantine, social distancing and working from home)… and there is a new struggle each week.

I have a 3 year old daughter and my fiancé has a 5 year old son. I have sole custody of my daughter and he has 50/50 joint custody with his son’s mom.

We knew going into this that the kids would argue, as siblings do. We knew we would have to adjust and the kids would also be learning to adjust to a new parental figure in the house. So we thought “of course, sounds right and like something we can do! We love them and they’re both great kids”.

Easy, right?

Wrong. What we didn’t realize is how hard it would be. We constantly have to take a step back and figure out how to communicate with these tiny humans in an honest, loving, safe, and supportive way, and make sure they actually comprehend it.

When I ask them to clean their rooms and it takes them 2 hours to put away three things… I have to stay calm and collected and not lose my mind.

When I ask them to put their pajamas on and start getting ready for bed, but they “don’t hear me” after 6 requests… I have to stay calm and collected and not lose my mind.

When they wake up and decide it’s going to be a day of arguing with each other… I have to stay calm and collected and not lose my mind.

Anyone who has kids in this age group, I’m sure can relate.

The deeper struggle is identifying that one of the kids is having a harder time adjusting to this new family, and not knowing how to resolve it.

One of the kids isn’t as comfortable in the home that we’ve created together. Might not feel heard, might not feel supported, and possibly feels displaced. Is all of that true? A lot of signs point to yes. Does the child actually recognize it? Maybe, maybe not.

Now we have to figure out how to go about things a different way and pay even closer attention to our actions and what we say and how we say it. Oh, and.. we can’t take it personal. Life: Here is your order of Complicated with a side order of Mom Guilt. Figure it out, go to work, keep everyone in the house content and.. stay calm and collected and not lose my mind.

Is it worth it? Absolutely, yes.

Getting to watch our kids become best friends is extremely rewarding. Watching his son turn into the big brother figure he is today continuously melts me. He is so protective of her and always tells us how he will always take care of her. And he is the only one who has made her laugh harder than I have ever heard, and her laugh is my favorite sound in the entire world.

So will we figure it out? Of course. Will I be gray by the time they are adults? Probably. 😂