Birth Plan like a Boss

What you don't expect when you are expecting.

Pregnancy is one of those magical times in life when everyone wants to put in their ten cents worth of unsolicited advice. Your mother, mother-in-law, sister, friends, random lady at the coffee shop, your mechanic, dentist and pretty much everyone you happen to cross paths with has some pearl of essential wisdom that they feel compelled to share with you. While it is all well intended, do you really need to know that your sister-in-law tore from here to there and things were never the same down there, so a caesarean is the only way to have a baby? Or that the checkout chick at woolies was in labour for a week and it was the worst experience of her life? Or that if you love your baby you simply have to have a drug free labour according to a woman you met through a Facebook group who had 5 babies all without pain relief? No you could very possibly live a happy and well adjusted life with out this knowledge that you are now privy to in your impregnated state.

As well as the joy of being overshared with by every one you know, and don't know, when it comes to all things pregnancy, birth and mothering, there is also an overwhelming amount of information at your finger tips in this age of content overload on the internet. A gazillion resources all defining the singular Right way to grow, birth and mother your baby. It is no wonder that there is a lot of confusion, fear and birth trauma plaguing this significant life experience. Thankfully, I am here to sort this mess out and help you to find your own way to a satisfying birth experience that you might even enjoy. Seriously. And I'm posting it on the internet so it must be true.

So who the hell am I to feel like I have something of value to contribute to this very messy, overwhelming conversation? I am a mother of 19 years and midwife of 10 years, a woman who believes passionately in the importance of the birth experience as it sets the foundation for mother and child bonding, which sets the foundation for the family, which sets the foundation for the community. So basically I believe that a good birth experience is like the single magical drop of water that sends ripples out through the ocean and creates the waves that the whole world feel. So I thinks its pretty important that we do all we can to set a positive foundation. This is a big deal so lets start at the beginning...

Who is going to care for you?

The first and possibly most important decision to make is who would you like to care for you and a lot of women have no idea that there are more options than just going to the hospital. Understandable being as the media and pop culture only really depict child birth as a woman in hospital, covered in a blue sheet with her legs up in stirrups screaming at her husband. However, there are plenty of options depending on where you live, and doing your research about your local options is a very good place to start. As well as the hospital, which may in itself have several models of care available such as high risk care, GP shared care and Midwifery Group Practice (MGP), there may be Birth Centres in your area or you may wish to have your baby at home in which case a private midwife may be a great option. Doing this research early is important as a lot of services book up quickly.

If you are not sure what kind of care would suit you best ask yourself; Where would I feel safe? How do I want to be supported? What kind of birth would I like? Do I want access to pain relief medications? Do I want to have my baby drug free? Does it matter to me if I am cared for by a woman or a man? Who do I want present at my birth? Do I want a water birth, or the option of a water birth?

These are the questions that can help you start to imagine the care you want to receive, which can help you to choose the model of care that will suit you best. When answering these questions it is important to BE TRUE TO YOURSELF this is your pregnancy and you need to focus on what is important to YOU, not your mum or friend or online mothers groups, just you. Trust yourself, read a few different books and go with what resonates with you.

Do the prep work.

In my mind birth preparation is very similar to planning to climb Mount Everest or taking a big overseas holiday. Sure, some people fly by the seat of their pants and it works out for them but for the majority of people a little planning and training can help ensure an experience they feel good about. One of the biggest challenges when facing an impending birth is anxiety and fear of the unknown, and this can be alleviated with a little preparation.

So what do I mean by preparation? Well, just like an overseas trip its a good idea to do a little reseach into the people, culture and language. Having babies is a whole new world of buzz words, acronyms, we freaking love acronyms, and latin. And being as what is being spoken about is you and your care it's worth knowing what on earth they are talking about. Find out what an episiotomy is and why anyone would do this, what forceps are used for, what ARM means and no it isn't a body part, what skin to skin means. If you find that you are not sure what your carer is talking about, sometimes they forget that this is new to you in their enthusiasm to care for you, ask them to explain or for some written information, there is oodles available and they should be able to provide you with evidence based information. Make sure that your source is reliable and based on more that one persons singular experience or opinion. There is a whole industry of great books on the subject so check a few out, you don't need to read them all, like any book, go with ones that grab your attention and resonate with you.

Do antenatal classes, through the hospital or privately, I'd recommend privately personally. Yes they cost money but they will be the best money you ever spent, a much better investment than most of the insane 'must have's' that you will find in a baby shop that will end up on gumtree still in the box. Look into Hypnobirthing classes, VBAC classes if you have had a previous caesarean and are hoping for a vaginal birth, Calm birth, or my personal favourite antenatal yoga. Labour is called that for a reason, its physically and mentally intensive just like climbing a mountain or running a marathon, so understanding what your body is doing, which is mind blowingly incredible, and how to help it to do what it needs to do to safely birth your baby is super important. Classes will help you to understand this normal physiological process, prepare your mind and body to allow this to happen, and reduce you chances of unnecessary interventions. Even if you don't have a have a vaginal birth whether by choice or circumstance, classes can still be incredibly helpful in your decision making if your labour doesn't go to plan and can help ensure that your caesarean section is the experience that you want it to be, facilitating a positive transition for you and your baby. Even if things don't go exactly to plan, attending classes can help you to prepare for the unknown and unexpected and feel confident in your decisions during your pregnancy and labour.

Set realistic expectations and make a back up plan

Pregnancy is a miracle and an incredible blessing but like any glorious feat it can come with some challenges. There are a few inescapable truths about pregnancy and labour that we just need to accept.

1. Both are uncomfortable, though the latter a little more so. Growing a whole new human and getting them out of your body is a freaking big deal. YOU CREATING A WHOLE NEW PERSON!!! That in itself is mind blowingly incredible, despite society diminishing it as something women do every day. And like all incredible feats its going to take a little effort and discomfort. But reframing it to be a challenge to rise to rather that something to be feared can help you to get through the challenges and find the strength to endure and maybe even enjoy it. I know most people love to share their horror stories but there are also lots of blissful stories, I actually loved pregnancy and labour and would do it any day of the week, but that's a story for another time.

2. Sometimes things just don't go to plan, I call it the 10% shit happens clause, obviously that's a technical term. The unexpected just happens sometimes, not because you did anything wrong, but because it just does. This is why when you are making a birth plan it is SO important to plan for what you want and then make contingency plans for possible detours should complications arise. You may be planning for a beautiful intervention free water birth and then there is a complication with your baby where they show signs of distress and you need to vary the plan. If you have a back up plan you are more likely to feel good about the decisions you make in this situation and there is a significantly higher chance you will still have a birth where you feel empowered and confident in your decisions.

3. You are the one in charge. No one, no matter who they are can do anything to you or your baby without your permission. Let's say that together, no one, no matter who they are can do anything to your or your baby without your permission. Having worked in a hospital for quite a while now it never ceases to shock me how many women think they have to do what the doctor or midwife tells them, even if they don't really understand why or feel okay with it. I realise that sometimes maternity carers can use thoughtless language like, 'We are going to induce you.' or 'You need this test.' or 'I am going to do, insert invasive procedure here, to you.' But in reality you do not have to do anything or let anyone do anything to you that you are not okay with. As your care providers we can make recommendations, sometimes very strong recommendations especially in emergency situations, but ultimately until you consent the answer is NO. You are always within your rights to ask for more information and if you do not believe the recommendation is in you or your baby's best interest you can say No. The responsibility of your care provider is to give you the best information possible to keep you and your baby safe and to provide respectful, consensual care. Your responsibility is to use this information to make the decisions that you can live with when it comes to the care you and your baby receive. This is a big responsibility, but then so is parenthood, and its a whole lot easier to make these decisions if you have done a little preparation and had conversations with your care provider about concerns you have prior to labour.

4. Trust yourself. No one is more invested in the wellbeing of you and your baby than you. Your care providers definitely want to keep you both safe as well and have absolutely no intention of causing you harm, but ultimately you are the highest stake holder. So trust yourself to know what you need, what feels right to you and when you need to ask for help. This is also why it is important to trust your care providers and have support people you feel safe with. Labour is all about surrender, relaxation and feeling safe, so if you are surrounded by people who make you feel unsafe it is going to interfere with your body's natural labour process. Remember, no one is entitled to be in your birth space just because they say so or want to be there, everyone in your birth space must be there with the sole intention of caring for, protecting and supporting you.

5. The midwife/doctor will tell me what to do is not a great birth plan. Birth is one of the most vulnerable situations you will ever find yourself in. Imagine being naked in a strange place with strange people, putting their hands in intimate places on your body and speaking a language you don't quite understand. Sounds like a horror movie to me. But a little prep work can change this situation to a safe space, with people who make you feel safe, providing care in a way that feels safe and speaking a language you understand. As someone who as been in both situations, I definitly recommend the latter, it was so worth the prep work.

Go forth and conquer, and enjoy the experience.

Pregnancy, birth and parenthood are one of the most incredible blessings we can hope to receive in our life and as such should be treated with the respect and reverence they deserve. They are the most natural human experience and in this busy, unnatural world this is an opportunity to come back to ourselves and reconnect. To build self trust, self respect, self love, self empowerment and true autonomy. This is not only important for us as individuals but for our children and the community. I truly believe that if we want to make the world a kinder, more sustainable and more connected place to live it all starts with the Mumma. So do the work, trust yourself and surrender to the process, you've totally got this Mumma!