Another Full Circle

There she stood, off in the distance though I was closing it fast, my adopted momster. Don't get me wrong, she's good to everyone else but me, so goes the story of my life. It was probably four or so years ago that she found me again after disowning me when I was fifteen and I'm now 52, you do the math. Anyway, now she is like one of my bestfriends. We text everyday and we visit in person every chance we get. She has asked me to forgive her for getting rid of me and I think I have but not having ever been forgiven myself I'm not sure I know how. She still won't tell me why, even though I already know.

The thing is when I went to live with her, my adopted mother, I had already made up my mind not to get adopted. It was one of my coping mechanisms trying to control any aspect of my life since I had none. Which most 11 year old's don't have anyway but when you've been in foster care as long as I had you grasp at anything. It's why a lot of us kill ourselves, never having been in control of our lives and then when we are we can't do much better then the strangers we were sent to live with. At least we can control when and how we go out, not that we should because there is one more thing and that is volunteering to help others. That is another thing we can control and it is cheap therapy, which we could all use more of. Most orphans have some form of PTSD, losing their whole family at once for no apparent reason constitutes as a traumatic experience. Then being made to live with strangers, the very ones you were told to never talk to. They are in control of your life now so you better follow the rules, take the blame, and never hold still when being hit.

My adopted mother really surprised me when she looked me up. Never did I imagine she would because she gave me up!!!! Who does that? It really made me question myself. I mean I had already been abandoned by my "real" momster when I was six years old along with my brother, Keven, who is dead now. Before I went to live with her I spent six years in foster care and more then that in different foster homes. The second one my bother and I were in together turned out to be the last because they separated us. After that I nearly shut down completely. Yet that just wasn't enough I had to experience being disowned after only three years for the exact same reason my momster did, a man. She met a man who had three daughters of his own but none of whom I was introduced to before they got married. That fact alone made me aware that my days where numbered. Who gets married with children to someone else who has children without first introducing the children to each other? NO ONE!!!!

Damn, I hate being right.

It's human nature to wonder what if and I'm as human as anyone else. Never did I wonder what if until my adopted mom found me now I can't stop. What if she had never given me up? Would I have ever done drugs? Would I have had an abortion? Would I have gotten married and had kids, like everyone else? Would I have dedicated my life to helping others like me? We will never know now but I can tell you I am someone who can over come incredible bad odds. There isn't any amount of pain that I can't and have handled. Being alone doesn't scare me as much as people do.

Foster kids are a great reflection of what is going on in society. It is society's fault these kids are misunderstood and isolated from everyone else. We are not the monsters the media tries to make us out as, not that we can't be but not normally. We are too desperate to belong, too eager to please even though it makes us appear stupid and ignorant. Maybe that's why they use the same words to describe unwanted animals as they do kids, both want to please someone so bad they will put up with all kinds of abuse at just the opportunity. It is far too easy to take advantage of these children and far too easy for society to write them off as being stupid and a burden on society.

Children didn't ask to be here that was decided for them by their parents. At having made said decision to bring life into the world most parents see this as a responsibility. As mature adults do they take their responsibilities seriously and child rearing being the ultimate responsibility. The decisions parents make raising their children today will have far reaching consequences on the future generations of tomorrow. With these children lies our immortality, they are a product of our own behavior, decisions, habits, gestures, empathy, generosity, forgiveness, love, hate, prejudice, likes, dislikes, and all the countless little things that make up a person. For all these reasons and more they, our children, deserve the best from us especially when we expect the best from them.

I don't know who said it but I love it: Be the example not the exception.

As adults we tend to get lazy even when raising our kids. There are so many reasons and excuses for this it's a wonder the TV is raising them. That is the big problem right there the TV. We see it as the answer because we invented it right after women went to work so they could go to work. Our government at work again. It was there bright idea to put women to work so there are more tax payers so they can hire more of their stupid relatives to do nothing. No one seems to care that they never solve any real problems only create more, more government and more problems. Isn't this why we left England in the first place? Guess who really won the revolutionary war? Isn't that who we really fought during the civil war? The only reason why they say more Americans died in the civil war then any other is because only Americans died since we were fighting each other.