Accidental vs Intentional Conception

When I fell pregnant with my daughter in November 2015, I had thought that I was in a “safe” part of my cycle, I was always 28-30 days, regular as clockwork and loosely used the “rhythm method” alongside condoms, quite frankly I didn’t know about anything else! Due to assuming that my cycle was the same as always and that I had way past ovulation/fertility I had unprotected sex with my partner on day 28, I then spent the next two weeks wondering why on earth I wasn’t getting my period! Little did I know that my recent dietary changes and weight loss had caused my cycle to flip and line up so I ovulated with the full moon rather than as I had in the previous months around the new moon.

Once my period returned post pregnancy along with my very regular cycle the largest realisation to me was that there must be more in depth ways of knowing my body other than counting the days from one period to the next. Over the last 3 years I have looked more into this, begun tracking my cycles “symptothermally” ie. Measuring my temperature each morning and checking cervical mucus throughout the month to recognise the changes and what they mean.

When we came to intentionally conceive our second child I realised that I’d basically spent my life avoiding pregnancy and deliberately trying to get pregnant was very strange! One of the biggest things missing from my school sex ed classes was definitely the fact that as women we are only fertile on 5-7 days of our cycle each month (which reduces with age!) and that it is actually incredibly simple to track these days and predict when our next period will be, not only that but noticing changes in our cycles from month to month gives us an amazing insight into our health, as Lisa Hendrickson-Jack calls it our “fifth vital sign”.

Once I’d managed to switch my mindset from avoiding pregnancy to trying to conceive I had a mass combination of excitement and nerves – my partner however was a bit more gungho – I suppose for the man getting a woman pregnant is a sign of virility and manliness, for a woman its quite different as we’re programmed from a young age not to get pregnant, that is until you reach a certain age and then everyone wants to know when you’re going to settle down and have kids. If I’m honest my family isn’t exactly like that but it is how society works and as a woman its just plain confusing, not to mention no one else’s business really!

Actually tracking a cycle by checking basal body temperature each morning, being aware of changes in cervical mucus and knowing exactly when you ovulate is really empowering whether you’re trying to conceive or not. After tracking for 3-6 cycles if your cycles are regular you can pretty much predict when you’ll get your next period as your “luteal phase” (LP) after you ovulate remains the same length each month. However, when trying to conceive this means a nail biting 10-14 days (depending on your LP length) where you wonder whether or not you’re pregnant!

It took us four months to conceive, it was SO much easier by accident, I’d almost decided I was too old (36) and kind of mentally given up. When I got the really early signs of pregnancy pre-testing which for me is just incredible tiredness I started to get quite excited. I was still in disbelief when I got a positive pregnancy test 10 days post ovulation, I went on to do 5 tests just to make sure it definitely was positive!

Being pregnant second time around is SO different, I feel like I know what to expect whilst it all being completely different at the same time. Part of me spends most of the time thinking “oh shit what have I done” the rest of me looks at my daughter and thinks “wow, I’m going to have another one who will be like her but also completely their own person just like she is!” Thankfully the latter one wins over 90% of the time!

Learning how to track and understand my cycles has made such a difference to the way I live my life I have begun learning how to teach others how to do it – I’m learning so much biology at the moment I’m thinking I would have done a lot better in science at school had it been this relatable to my own body rather than the random things I was taught to pass a GCSE! I can’t wait to pass my knowledge onto other women so they can feel as informed and empowered by their own bodies and cycles as I do!