A Fatherly Love

The sky was clear blue. Birds flew in random patterns under the blanket of fluffy clouds on the beach. The sand looked soft and warm. He didn’t care about the weather or the birds, only her. His heart filled with sadness and pain as a a breeze ruffled his hair. She had been ripped away from him, given lies about him until she hated him without even having met him. He loved her desperately. They were walking on the boardwalk with shops, little restaurants and ice cream parlors crammed together. Chairs with umbrellas littered the walkway.

He made sure she didn’t see him. There were hundreds of people at Ft. Lauderdale beach, so it was easy to hang back. He was a non-descript man at 5’9 with mousy brown hair, brown eyes and plain features. He wasn’t ugly but he was so hot looking that people immediately noticed him. He was amazed by her beauty, surely it had to come from her mother who was also beautiful.

He never stalked her like this, but his time was short. He’d never get to see her again. She had never seen him and knew nothing about him except what she’d been told. It had to be that way for her safety, but he had kept up with her through connections, watching her fears and triumphs from afar. It didn’t make up for the ache of wanting to be a present father figure in her life, but he knew the lies to make her hate him were necessary. If he could go back and do things over again, he would have. His carelessness costed him everything. Even now, he knew he was being stupid, but he carefully checked into everything. Still, it was a huge risk, but he had to see her. He had stage for prostate cancer. In a month, he’d be dead, and he’d never get another chance to actually see her again.

She was with a girl friend and they laughed as they stopped by an ice cream place. He immediately walked into the nearest shop. He thanked the stars it was a men’s shoe store. He pretended to browse, keeping an eye on her.

He watched them pay for their ice cream. She said something to her friend and they screamed in laughter as they licked their ice cream. She had chocolate fudge brownie while she had pistachio. He smiled and decided to leave before he got caught. He was careful, always had been but he didn’t want to take any chances. She was young, carefree and happy. He didn’t want to spoil her day by revealing that he was watching her. It would be the last time he ever saw her and a tear slipped down his cheek. His babygirl, his daughter. She’d never know how much he loved her. He didn’t have much money; he had spent it all the last year he was fighting for his life but he would give her what he could. He just had to make sure he did it in a way that she could never ever trace.

Six months later

Star stared at her computer and brooded. She was reviewing her checking account and it depressed her. She had $500 between her and the streets. Her rent was $800, due in two days and she didn’t get paid for another two weeks. She also had to pay the lights, buy groceries for the week, and fix her damn car. God, she could do with just $6,000. Just $6,000! She’d pay off her credit cards, which was what was making her so financially broke. She stupidly got whatever she wanted on credit cards until they were full and now she had to pay a minimum of $50-75 each moth for each of the four cards she owned.

Working in a call center didn’t pay much, especially where she worked now. She was struggling and the landlord had already warned that if she were late again, she’d get evicted. Her mother refused to help her. Her mother said she was irresponsible, and she wouldn’t be rescued again.

Star got up and went to the kitchen to grab a Cherry Pepsi, her favorite soda. She took a long drink of her soda as she walked back and plopped back down on the chair in front of the desk, her computer screen staring balefully back at her as if to let her know that the reality didn’t change just because she got up to get a soda.

“Fuck!” Star screamed, pounding the desk with a fist.

Nothing in her life ever went right. Ever! Her mother was a bitter woman always making excuses because she couldn’t be bothered to help her with anything. Sometimes Star felt as if her mother, Melissa, wished she had never been born.

Star knew it was because she was a constant reminder of her father, a man who abandoned her for another woman with a child and, eventually, arrested for molesting that child. While it didn’t make the TV news, it was all over the papers.

She had $400 stashed in he little black notebook hidden in the far back of her panties drawer. It was money she owed her best friend that she was close to paying back. She only had to get $100 more. Up until 7 months ago when they cut her hours, she put $20 per paycheck in there and hadn’t touched it.

Her friend understood her predicament and had been patient. Star was determined to be responsible this time but she couldn’t be evicted. She’d have to dip.

Sighing, she went to her bedroom and dug out her little black notebook. It felt thicker than she ever had it before. Fear gripped her heart. Someone had been in her room. But wouldn’t they take something and not leave something? The situation was very weird. Icy sweat slicked down her neck. She knew exactly how thick the book should be.

She slowly sat on the bed and opened the little black notebook. Her wad of twenties that made up the $400 slid out and spilled. A long envelope that was folded on the ends to make sure it fit in the notebook also slid out and it was thick. She left the money on the floor, forgetting all about it as she set the black notebook aside and opened the envelope. Twenty crisp $1000 bills were in the envelope as well as a letter. Her heart pounded, an answer to her every immediate problem. She unfolded he letter.

My darling daughter,

As I write this to you, I know I have a month or so to live. I have stage 4 cancer. I know you’ve been told that I’ve been arrested for child molestation and that I did this to the daughter of the woman I left your mother for.

Nothing can be further from the truth. You see, I had just gotten hired by the government when I met your mother. I loved her with all my heart, she was the woman for me. I can’t get into the job I had or any details but, sufficient to say, I made some very powerful enemies, enemies that would be searching for a way to destroy me if they knew I had a woman and child that I loved more than life itelf. These enemies are untouchable, unreachable, and they do not forget. There was no chance I could ever come back to you without putting you in danger. They would have found you no matter where you go, what you did and they would not have just killed you, they would have raped you, tortured you until you begged for death and then start all over again before they did kill you.

I served my country with honor, but this was the danger I knew I faced when I took on the job. I had to make your mother and you hate me so much that you would never ever think of coming to look for me, even if it was to visit the prison to tell me off.

By the time you read this, I’ll be dead, so you are finally safe.

I wanted to tell you that I love you so much. If I could go back in time, I would have said no to the job offer, it wasn’t worth it. I wish I could leave you more but after all of my medical bills, this is what I have left. Because I had to be on the run all the time, I dared not even contact the government to pay for my hospital bills.

I saw you a month before I knew I was going to die. You were at the beach with your friend. It was the first time I ever saw you. I have always kept tabs on you, and I wanted to see what you looked like before I died. I wanted so much to hold you, but I couldn’t.

The other letter is for your mother. I dared not break into her home also. What I did, I did with great risk to you and myself, but I had to do it. I didn’t see any reason to repeat the risks.

Enclosed is a business card of a personal friend whom I worked with who can verify everything I say. He will not give you details of the job we did but he has proof that he made up and circulated the lies about what I did.

I love you so much. I’m so proud of you.

Your loving father,

Daniel.

Star sat there stunned. She couldn’t believe this. But it had to be true. What stranger would break into her house and give her money like this? Tears flowed down her cheeks as she realized the sacrifice her father made.

Her father not only gave the family he loved up, but he also allowed them to believe such horrible, disgusting lies about him to make sure that they would be so repulsed, they wouldn’t even want to look him up.

Whatever enemies he made; they obviously must have figured out he was lying but never found out why he lied.

She had hated him for so many years and now she felt guilty, though she knew she shouldn’t. It wasn’t her fault, she knew that, but she still felt guilty for hating him when all he ever did to her was out of love. And with the money he left her, she was set.

She wished she could see him, could hug him.

She called the number on the card and set up a meeting at the same beach he was at with her friend. He had verified everything her father wrote and assured her she was safe now. He had no other family but them.

She then visited her mother and her mother had cried when she read the letter.

“I talked to his friend mom. He did show me that he was an employee of the government, the branch was blacked out, and he showed me how he manipulated the news and how they were able to keep it off TV. I don’t understand half of it, to be honest, but I mainly believe because who in the world would leave money when they break in?” Star asked.

“I know he had a government job he couldn’t talk about. He had to report in two months before whatever job they gave him started, and I thought it was within those two months that all of that happened. Believe me, he would have been very capable of manipulating the media that way if he needed to,” her mother said.

She paid the rent and her friend and paid off all her cards. She spent another $5,000 on a better car that would last her longer.