College Sucks… Kinda
Do I love it? Hate it? Ask me in four years when I graduate.
College sucks. Call me a cynic but it’s true.
Genuinely, going to college was probably one of the worst decisions of my life.
The work is tedious and time consuming. The exams ruin your grades. Your professors say they want you to succeed but they’re teaching thousands of students a day, making you insignificant to them.
The days get cyclical. You wake up and go to class, absorbing everything and retaining nothing. At some point you wake up and realize that you’re paying $200k for a glorified piece of paper.
That glorified piece of paper dictates the trajectory of your whole life. Something that terrifies me to my very core as a commitophobe. Why? What does that piece of paper do for me?
The answer to that question is something I learned after spending a month as a freshman in an institution that’s designed to progress the best of the best. Without the institution that has a strong grip on my wallet, I would have been stuck at home. I would have been working the same restaurant job that I had been at for the last three years. I would have been stuck at my parents wonderful home, having the same conversations with the same people. I would have been driving the Camry (affectionately dubbed “the Red Car”) down the same roads.
Except I’m not doing any of that.
I’m currently sitting in my dorm at the institution that has my bank account in handcuffs. I’m watching my friends eat popsicles as grown adults. My roommate is taking her weekly chemistry quiz at this point in time. And I’m sitting. Sitting in my chair and writing this… article? Personal essay? You tell me.
As much as college sucks, I (unfortunately) really like it. I hate that I like it more than I expected. I hate that I feel like I belong here. I hate that my friends and family weren’t able to celebrate my birthday and I didn’t even bat an eye. I’ve settled in, and that also terrifies me (commitophobe in case you forgot).
Some people would call my schedule a blessing while others would consider it a curse. I, however, believe it’s a combination of the two. I don’t have any early morning classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I do have 8 AM Biology lab on Tuesday and the same for Chem on Thursday. Can you tell that I’m a STEM major?
I am the academic type, and even I believe that the structure of postsecondary education is going to be my downfall. Learning how to stick to a college schedule after a horrendous senior year taught me some valuable things. If you are “on time” to class, then you’re already late. Most professors will start speaking as soon as the clock hits the designated lecture timeslot. Arriving late means you might miss key announcements like exam dates or grade changes. And most entry level classes are large. Close to 300 students in one class makes it nearly impossible to find a seat without having to do the awkward tango that happens when you need to squeeze past someone. The bright side about those large classes is that you have a bunch of people to form study groups with and the chances are very high that they’re just as lost in the content as you are. Scheduling isn’t just about punctuality though. It’s also making sure you’re on top of your due dates and assignments. Planners help much more than I care to admit. Late assignments can really tank your grade as I’ve come to learn. It’s hard getting into a study routine but metacognition research has shown that you need to space out your study periods in order to better retain information (thank you Biology and Chemistry 110 for forcing me to learn that). Long story short, go to class early and study consistently because it’s more worth it than cramming.
There’s the academic side of college. That’s what most people pay for when they choose to put themselves in the shackles of The Institution. There are the select few that come to school for the social life. The Olivia Jades of The Institution if you will. I go to a school that has an amazing social life. Greek life isn’t very present but you can spot the frat bros and the sorority girls walking around campus in their pledge shirts if you look hard enough. The community outreach touches all ends of the globe and it fascinates me how a school renowned for their parties can do so much for philanthropy.
It clicked when I realized that everyone here is like me. They all want to experience the school/work/social balance that I crave. They’re just better at actually experiencing that. Everyone in college has their own goals, hopes, and dreams. Some may have higher aspirations than others but almost everyone puts the same drive behind what they’re doing. While I drag business majors jokingly, I could never see myself sitting in an econ class in the same way that they could never see themselves in an anatomy class. But that’s okay because they’re taking the econ class and I get to name the different bones for fun. A community is what runs a healthy system, and college gives you a little taste of that.
I feel free here. I don’t want to admit that, however the independence I’m given here is so different compared to my independence back home. I’m not dependent on anyone anymore. It’s sad because it means I don’t really need to rely on my family to stay afloat. I miss home a lot and the homesickness doesn’t get better, even after time passes. It’s exhausting having to live my own life. I always said I wanted to grow up and be my own person but I understand now that I already was my own person. I just had other people take the keys and unlock facets of my personality. I never did it for myself. And now that I’m doing it for myself, I’m scared. I’m scared of growing up and being older, even though that’s all I desired in my early teens. Going to college forced me to actually grow up and leave my bubble.
The Institution is not all it’s cracked up to be. Take time, make your own decisions, and appreciate what got you there. Only then will you be able to shatter the chains like I managed to do.
College sucks, but I love everything about it.
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