Are You A Good Conversationalist?

The Question, ‘Am I a good conversationalist?’, is one every individual has asked themselves at least once in their lives. Well, humans have been known to be quite social creatures since the dawn of time hence the skill of effective communication has been the key to our survival both as a community and as individuals.

So why did talking to others get so complicated? It’s simple, we forgot what it feels like to have an honest and sincere conversation with another individual. Today, most of us spend our lives with little to no human interaction, and even with the little interaction we do have, there’s usually a barrier between two participants. As a result, the culture of mannerisms needed to engage in effective communication is slowly dying out.

So let’s revive this lost culture by looking at ways each one of us can improve and update our conversational skills to suit this day and age.

1. Show Genuine Interest.

Most people go into conversations either because they felt obliged to do so or were put under social pressure. You may start on the right foot, but eventually, you would have to fake interest to keep the conversation flowing. But what we fail to realize is that no two people are born the same. Everybody has that one fact they think makes them unique compared to others. Make it your mission to find out what that piece of information is.

A good place to start is would be by asking yourself questions like, ‘What wakes this person up in the morning?’, ‘How does this person see the world around them?’, ‘What does he or she enjoy?’ Questions like these spark enough interest in your target to the point where you’re eager to engage. Now, you would just have to treat them like a puzzle and put them on a pedestal.

Every human being craves the feeling of attention and genuine interest from other humans, unfortunately, that has now become a rare commodity these days. So what do you think will happen when we actually show people genuine interest, they’ll naturally get comfortable around us and open up with little to no effort needed on our end. So next time you’re thinking of approaching another person, try to spark genuine interest, making the conversation flow like water.

2. Let Your Body Do The Talking.

In all social interactions, only 20% of communication made is verbal and intentional. The remaining 80% is made through our body language and is much more subtle and subjective. You could be saying one thing but according to your body, your mindset could be completely different.

So what goes on in our brain during a conversation? There are basically two avenues of communication our brain picks up on, speech and body language. Speech is more controlled given that we can control whatever comes out of our mouths regardless of our true intentions but body language isn’t so tame. It acts based on our true motives. For instance, somebody who isn’t really invested in a conversation would angle his or her body away from the other person in a conversation. As a result, the brain of the recipient picks up on these cues subconsciously and tailors his or her body language to suit the signals you sent through your body. Hence the person you’re trying to have a conversation with will feel tensed up and uncomfortable around you.

So, you need to train your body to send positive signals which will help the other person relax and lose guard around you, and a simple way you can do this is by smiling and some facial expressions in reaction to what they are telling you. This will tell the recipient’s brain you’re invested in the conversation and willing to hear what they have to say.

3. Pay Attention.

Distractions are becoming all too common in our day-to-day lives. During conversations, distractions can come in many ways, shapes, or forms. For instance, do you remember the way you felt the last time you were invested in a conversation to the point where you began sharing personal details of your life? Then all of a sudden a friend approaches the other person causing them to shift their focus completely from you to the new object of interest as though you weren’t even present in the first place. Although it may be unintentional, that small action shifted your opinion of that person subconsciously in a matter of seconds.

To have a beautiful and engaging conversation, resist all distractions that come your way. It can be as simple as turning off your phone, giving eye contact when the person on the floor or just turning your friends away when you’re in the middle of the conversation. Once you show visual signs that you are ready to listen to what the other person offers, your presence will be appreciated much more.

4. Don’t Make It An Interview.

Most articles on this topic will tell you, ‘To be a good conversationalist, you need to be a good listener.’ That’s great but what I have learnt from my personal experience is that, in the course of trying to be a good listener, we forget that we’re trying to have a conversation in the first place. Yes, you need to listen but you also need to know what exactly you’re listening for. Don’t just sit there and watch the person go on and on. Pick a couple of key points from their speech and try anchoring the conversation around such points then try getting the other person to elaborate on those areas. Just so the conversation does not dry up or become one-sided, make sure these are topics you both have some interest in. This will make sure that the two of you can contribute equally to the conversation and in the end, you would have found someone to relate to on a personal level.

5. Mindset + Practice.

Everything starts with your mindset. Do you want good grades, a successful business, or engaging and lively conversations? Well, guess what, it all starts with your mindset. You need to go into conversations aware of the fact things may not go according to plan. It’s all part of the learning process. Just look forward to doing better the next time you engage with someone. Again, nobody will condemn you for messing up, we’re only human. What you should not do is have a negative mindset heading into the convo. Picture the best possible outcome of the situation you are in and that alone will increase your chances of hitting the result you want to achieve. Only then will you be able to relate with others on a completely different level.

So that’s all I have for you today. If feel like you got any value from this article and would like to help us out, please like, comment, and share this with anyone who you think will derive value from this. And remember, nobody has control over the way you feel. You choose to feel the way you feel so start making a conscious effort to be the best version of yourself.