A Hick Goes To College

I grew up in a tiny town in Southern Louisiana. I was sheltered and Southern Baptist, and I couldn't wait to escape. I never did quite fit in at home though. I had big dreams of being a writer and moving to New York.I thought I was better than the small-town people that I couldn't seem to get away from fast enough.

After what felt like the longest eighteen years of my life I finally got my chance to get away. Though I was still stuck in the south thanks to the price of out-of-state tuition, I was going somewhere, and that was all I'd ever hoped for.

I'd never actually been to the campus of my college before move-in day, and I had no idea what I was stepping into. No one from my high school had chosen the same college as me and so I was forced into picking out a roommate online.

My parents dropped me off quickly, leaving me to haul my belongings up 11 flights of stairs because of course the elevator had broken down. I felt out of place immediately, and I knew I was. From the moment I stepped on campus, I knew I was in over my head. No one here dressed like me, no one here talked like me, and no one looked as alone as me.

By the time I'd hauled all my stuff up to my new room I was in full-blown freak-out mode. I was the first one there, and the emptiness of the room only amplified my panic. I unpacked and I stayed there alone, trying to figure out where I had gone wrong.

My roommate showed up the next day, she was doing sorority recruitment and had spent the night at a friend's apartment. Though we were incredibly different we clicked right away. We did everything together, chose our classes together, ate together, walked together... We were inseparable and I had decided I might just make it here.

About three months after classes had started we went out to eat at one of our favorite sushi spots. She told me she was pregnant. I was too shocked to say anything and she was too scared to talk. We just sat there for what felt like hours. Finally, she looked up at me, "I'm going to have an abortion." Her eyes were wildly determined. "Okay," I said, and we went back to our tiny room.

I drove her to her official pregnancy test, I drove her to the clinic, I sat with her and waited for each appointment. I worked doubles so I could help her pay for the procedure. I held her hair back as she threw up in the parking lot. I'd never held hands so much or so hard with anyone ever. We were clinging to each other. I'd never felt so young and so afraid in my entire life.

When the procedure was done we headed home. She cried on the floor of the room for hours and I held her for just as long. We spent the next month in silence. It's like we were grieving something we couldn't even fathom. There weren't any words...there weren't even any tears left. We both just felt empty and exhausted.

At the end of that month, she made the decision to move into her sorority house. She hated being in that room, she hated being at a school so far away from her family, I think maybe she'd even grown to hate me.

She couldn't look at me or talk to me without being reminded of everything she'd gone through. It hurt her too much, and I understood that.

I went back to being alone. I quit going to classes. I never did make another friend.