When The Sharks Sang

I have always said that the worst part of human beings is that they have an annoying habit of always acting human. I should know, I have been watching your species since you evolved into your wretched state. I am 3rd Assessor Vulcan, presently observing your planet, you humans, from the massive surveillance facility hundreds of feet below the surface of MARS. MARS as you know it is not Reality. Think of it as a Planet sized super computer containing technology you couldn’t possibly conceive. MARS is actually an acronym for Mobile Assessment Reconnaissance Station, and we have been doing just that since before your time. But at long last, my most sincere wish has been granted. I get to sit here, surrounded by holographic surveillance of your planet. And I get to watch it die.

Context, of course, is necessary after such a statement. And I will gladly provide it. Somewhere, out there, reigns the Pan Galactic Empire, long may it reign. A formidable alliance of all kinds of species living in harmony. Some communicate as if speaking in math calculations. Others hear colors and see sounds. Some have voices as of the finest violin. Humans speak as if a donkey is braying. Militarily, we simply can not be beaten. Most asteroids and meteors are the remains of planets we have detonated. Comets? Our tools streaking through space to do the detonating. Politically, socially and in general with just plain decency we all harmonize. This is a long way of saying we rule. But for one thing we search the galaxy in desperation for, is water.

It was greeted in pure jubilation when the discovery of a beautiful, bright blue and lush green planet was telecast across the Empire by one of our MARS units. The one in your solar system, the planet being yours. MARS Earth observation was afforded the full technology needed to assess and survey your planet. Every inch of MARS artificial intelligence scanned and analyzed it, and its results were so thought as too good to believe that it was ordered again. The results were the same and we wept in ecstasy. Earth not only has massive oceans, rivers, lakes and streams. It had at both poles massive desserts of ice. It was not even defended! This was the time before primates evolved into whatever it is you people call yourself. But the most unbelievable, unthinkable, something even the most fanatical optimists could not conceive. Earth replenished its own water supply! And under the right conditions we could have stopped our endless quests for water and just use Earth forever as our supply of such a precious resource. And so we intended too.

Normally, planets with supplies of water a fraction of yours, are defended by galactic fleets and defensive systems that require a 10:1 ratio of battleships to WCB ( water collection barges). Our battleships can be considered analogous to your planets, but ours are capable of cracking a planet in two with a broadside blast. A WCB should be thought of as a giant balloon that we land right on top of a water source and fill until it is full. These are then escorted by our battleships until we exit the gravity of a now planet completely devoid of water, and then detonate to assure to reprisal.

Earth as stated, is far more miraculous. Not only completely undefended, it also constantly replenishes its supply. As long as not abused it can do this in a perpetual state. Time being of the essence, the fleet entered hyperspace with a 10:1 ratio of WCB to battleships. Our intention was to obtain as much as we can, leaving enough left as to ensure a proper replenish cycle.

Exiting hyperspace the WCB units began to quench its thirst, as our battleships surrounded the world in the unlikely event a hostile species would invade to take what is ours. Our first fleet of WCB'S splashed into the Pacific Ocean and our second the same in the Atlantic. To our horror the admirals aboard the line ships observed the unthinkable: WCB were being violent rocked and split apart as they began sinking. MARS was immediately tasked to penetrate the ocean with powerful surveillance devices to ascertain the situation.

The results analyzed almost crashed the entire AI of MARS to collapse as well as our admirals aboard the battleships. There was a sub aquatic species counter attacking our WCB units with ferocity never seen before. The WCB's were being rammed by gigantic undersea creatures and those of the Galactic Armada were being torn to pieces by much smaller, and infinity more vicious, attackers. Within what is considered in your understanding of time as three days, our WCB'S were beginning to be sunk as the survivors tossed into the sea were shown no mercy as they were torn to death.

After MARS finally assessed the calamity it was clear we were facing true warriors. Creatures who evolved into the perfect warriors who hit back so hard it compromised 65% of Pacific fleet and 48% of the Atlantic. Quick to assess the threat, the large creatures ramming and sinking the WCB were determined to be known as whales. The warriors slicing through the crews were called sharks, the elite warriors were the great white sharks. As MARS began echolocation and use of hyper advanced SONAR to pin down the enemy position the most incredible discovery was made. The sharks attacked singing a beautiful war cry, the most beautiful we have ever heard or will hear, the sharks were singing.

We dropped down into the oceans ad hoc rescue units. This just served to make the water more red. Analysing and appreciating the sheer brilliance and bravery of our adversary MARS determined how to communicate with them and attempted to communicate with these majestic defenders of the realm. Under the charade of using diplomacy to stall their relentless attacks, MARS arranged their leaders to meet ours at the very bottom of the Mariana trench after MARS quickly bio engineered a species to survive the crushing depth and inhospitable conditions. And we were in awe of the sharks, the mighty defenders of the realm. Not only showing great heroism, they showed great diplomacy in our talks and an agreement was reached. We would take enough water sufficient to our needs, leave the earth otherwise unmolested, and endeavor to use our technology to aid the Earth to ascend eventually into the Empire. Enough water was supplied to secure the needs of the Empire until Earth year 2020, where we planned to return with WCB units, no militant forces, and technology sufficient to begin the process of Earth to become a member of the Empire. The benevolence shown was of such magnitude the Empire determined it was suitable to render MARS dormant and use its energy elsewhere. Everything was perfect. Or so we thought. Until we returned. And saw a plague that scoured and destroyed this once oasis of the impossible. Heartless in its atrocities. Humans.

Frantic attempts were made by a now very much awake MARS to locate any sharks. The tragic few who remained told us truly evil stories of the rape of the water. The wholesale slaughter of whales just to eat them. Heartless cannibals on an orgy of violence, as if it seemed they wanted to intentionally destroy their planet. But the most soul shattering situation was then revealed. The sharks no longer sang. We resolved to do humans a favor. Since they could not even destroy their planet correctly, we would do it for them. Very quickly MARS developed a plan to use the WCB units to evacuate every shark on earth. And every other innocent creature they were destroying. We got all the sharks, but precious few other species. That only served to fuel our hatred past the breaking point.

So here I sit. Utterly joyful after hearing MARS inform me the comet with Earth’s name on it was streaming into the solar system. Your once beautiful planet of beautiful animals, reptiles, flora and fauna destroyed by wretched humans had signed its own death warrant. Every tele-screen and Vid-cast was tuned in. When our comet screamed past MARS, it transmitted a message from us to you that ended at the precise time Earth was vaporized.

“ Oh how we rejoiced

The times the sharks sang

Because you broke their souls

Your world is ours to hang”

BOOM