I'm Just a Little Clownfish

So I woke up this morning after only about three and a half bubbles of sleep. There was too much on my mind again. Too many problems to solve, other fish to please. I was feeling extra grumpy. Wow. Another day drowning in my sorrows. I thought to myself 'Why can't I feel like Barry feels every day?' I know he looks grumpy and nasty, being a Barracuda and all, but trust me; he's just so peaceful all of the time! Anyway, I got out of bed, tidied my anemone, because you know, tidy anemone, tidy mind etc. I was going to make an egg for my wife's breakfast, but then remembered that she wouldn't be happy eating her own offspring. Then I also remembered that I'm broke and don't have a wife.

It was my first day off work in yonks, so I decided I'd take a solo field trip. Trust me, doing stand up every day is extra tiring when you don't have legs. I'd rather be a Scientist, like Ray and mix Octavia's ink with Coral's minerals. I wouldn't be performing all of the time, then you see. Just making cool shit. A bit like God, if he was real.

Anyway, I just set off without a plan or any idea of where I was going or who I was gonna meet. I swam around the normal route where the tourist sites are in Coral's neighbourhood, because the traffic near hers is mental; all the sardines want to watch the stupid Human divers pretend they can breath under water. So dumb, and it's no longer breath-taking. Then I got lost, because I wasn't concentrating and was thinking about 'What if I come by a shark?' but then after a fear-full minute or two, I remembered that surfer Humans are 100,000 times more likely to be mistaken as a seal than for a fish to be eaten by a shark. Thankfully a blue fish with a pretentious white coat and some little minions swimming around and fussing over her, re-minded me where I had already passed. I'm only 26 years old in fish years, but I swear I'm getting short-term memory issues. Anyway, I carried on swimming down the back routes and suddenly found myself in a vast open space, with nothing to do or be distracted by. It was terrifying. I always have something to do to keep me occupied; work, extra succulent tentacle videos or my favourite dating app, Plenty of Fish are just a few examples. Then the shark thought came back and took over my whole perception. Well guess what bloody happened next? You know how those Angelfish bang on about we think things into existence? Yeah? Well, I bloody did. Right in front of me was a huge (I'm 4 fns 3 long), 40 piercing-teeth, trouble-making mako shark. I turtley couldn't believe my eyes. Just before I made a dive for it, she said to me:

"What are you going to swim away from?"

so I replied:

"You! You're going to eat me!"

"Well, have I yet?"

Now at this point I was just completely washed away. First up, I didn't know ugly people could talk and secondly, why wasn't I in oblivion, with my remains dis-membered in a dumb persons stupid belly? I replied with a squeakier than usual voice:

"No, but you're about to! All sharks do the same thing and are evil for it!"

I mean come on, why trust a shark?

She responds, letting me know her name is Molly. I thought to myself how only cool, good-looking fish take that.

"I'm Henry. Are you going to let me go now?"

"I let you go a while back, Henry. Nice name by the way."

"Errrm, thanks?"

"You see, I don't need to eat you. I ate yesterday. I've had my share. When I've had my share, fish are friends, not food."

I couldn't help to think what kind of Fish O'Rama is this? The same kind of shark that ate my great grandfather, being kind to me? But something within then calmed my Gills down. I felt some sort of peace, amongst the bewilderment.

She looked at me as if she knew my every dark thought, regrets and desires, but emanated unconditional Love for me.

"Keep going this way, trust and surrender to the uncertainty and there will be a mountain. At the top awaits your next teacher." She then slowly swam off.

I creeped my way forward for about 5 minutes or so. I didn't know what to expect next. A scuba-diving unicorn, chanting bubble mantras!? I felt as if all I had ever thought I knew was a lie and that there's so much more that I am unaware of.

'Mt. Wannahockaloogie' - the sign post that was now in front of me. I just went for it, and swam to the top.

"Hello?" I said, looking for my next teacher.

"Helllloooooo..."

Still nothing.

"It's unbearably still, empty and lonely up here" I thought. I didn't know what to do with myself. No one was there for me, to make laugh, I was just alone with my thoughts. Then a foolproof epiphany came out of that stillness, from nowHere.

If they are my thoughts; then Who Am I? Holy mackerel. I thought I was a clownfish; funny and smart, quick-witted... likeable? But if that's what I thought and the thoughts are not me, then Who Really Am I? I noticed some faint Sunlight was trickling through the surface of the water. Bits of seaweed debris suspended, floating. I felt like I was Home. It was so beautiful, serene.. perfect. Henry the clownfish was nowhere to be seen. But I still remained. There was no thought, no belief system and just Is-ness. Unconditional Love, peace, presence.

I Am.

I feel forever grateful to that wise old shark. She taught a little fish in a big pond the meaning of life here, under the sea of conditioning. I hope she carries on teaching this self-less Love and wisdom, and that the Humans don't snatch her out of their self-ish never-full-filling desire.

So here I am, in the now, having given my pretentious anemone away to a homeless crab. Hey, who needs constant validation, and a posh house, when there are fronds like these?

♥ ✨