Autumn

Autumn

I used the word "thirty" for my age, and it has been two years. I, who do not understand philosophical views, have received a lot of hints and influences from these two words. Although I clearly felt that my physique and energy were no different from when I was twenty-nine years old, the concept of "thirty" was hanging over my head, and I still opened a parasol, covering my whole body with a dull color. Shadows seem to have torn a page from the beginning of autumn on the calendar. Although the sun's scorching power has not subsided, the heat on the cold and summer table has not decreased. However, it is only a precursor to the afterglow and the lingering heat, or the end of the frost. The seasons of the earth are now handed over to autumn.

In fact, my mood for the past two years merged with Qiu because it was the easiest to reconcile. This situation is different from before. In previous years, I only admired spring. I like willows and swallows the most. I especially like the tender willows that are first dyed pale yellow. I used to call my residence "Little Willow House", I once painted many paintings of willow swallows, and I once picked long willow leaves and framed eyebrows in various styles on thick paper. The face of the owner, with the eyes, nose and mouth below it. At that time, every early spring season, at the turn of the first month and the second month, I saw fine beads hanging on the lines of the willow branches, with a faint cyan color, but when I "looked at the distance, but there is nothing", my heart was filled with a kind of ecstasy, This ecstasy turned into anxiety at once, and it seemed to always say, "Spring is here! Don't let it go! Hurry up and try to entertain it, enjoy it, and keep it forever." Moving. I thought that the ancients were too shy about the wasting of a spring. The car in front of you can learn from it! Never let it go empty in my hands.

Mostly, when the ancients regretted the deepest cold food and Qingming, the anxiety in my heart became even more intense. That day I always wanted to have something that would fully reward the festival. I intend to write poetry, paint, or drink, wander. Although most of them are not practiced; or they are practiced but have no effect at all, but instead get drunk, cause trouble, and get unpleasant memories; but I never lose heart, and always feel that spring is lovely. It seems that I only know about spring in my heart. The other three seasons are regarded as preparations for spring, or the rest time for spring, and I have not noticed their existence and significance at all. As for autumn, I have no feeling: because summer is continuously behind spring, I can regard it as a surplus of spring; winter comes before spring, and I can regard it as a preparation for spring; only autumn, which has nothing to do with spring, has always been in my heart. There is no place for it.

Since my age was reported to the beginning of autumn, my mood has completely turned in the same direction in the past two years, and it has also become autumn. But the situation is different: it is not the ecstasy and anxiety of the old days. I just feel that when autumn comes, my mood is very attuned. Not only does he not have that kind of ecstasy and anxiety, he is often attracted by the autumn wind, autumn rain and autumn light and melts in the autumn, temporarily losing his place. And for spring, it is not like the inability to feel for autumn in the past. I am very disgusted with spring right now. Whenever Vientiane is rejuvenating, I see the beauty of the flowers, the disturbance of bees and butterflies, and the state of plants, trees and insects scrambling to breed and reproduce. Especially when I was young, seeing the faint green beads hanging on the wicker and the little red spots on the peach branches made me feel the most ridiculous and pitiful. I want to wake up a stamen and say to it: "Ah! You are repeating this old tune too! I have seen your countless ancestors, all born just like you, all working hard to develop and compete for glory; One does not become haggard and turns into dust. Why do you bother to repeat this old tune? Now that you have grown this evil root, in the future, you will be ravaged, destroyed, climbed and broken, and you will be ravaged, ravaged, and crooked in the future. Follow in the footsteps of your ancestors!"

In fact, the people who have greeted the spring and the spring over thirty times, have long been tired of seeing flowers, feel numb, their enthusiasm has cooled, and will never be like a young girl who has just met the world for the illusion of flowers. Praise, sigh, pity, and cherish the temptation of the posture. Moreover, nothing in the universe can escape the principle of prosperity and decline, rise and fall, birth and death, and existence and non-existence. Past history clearly proves this, and we need not repeat it. Countless poets in ancient times used the same words for hurting spring, and this kind of frown was also disgusting. If I were asked to expend a word about the birth, glory, death and death of the world, I would feel that birth and glory are insignificant, and would rather rejoice and admire all death and death. To the greed, ignorance, and cowardice of the dead, how humble, enlightened, and great is the attitude of the latter! My choice of spring and autumn is also for this.

When Natsume Soseki was 30 years old, he once said: "At twenty, you know the benefits of life; at twenty-five, you know that where there is light, there must be darkness; and now at thirty, you know that where there is much light, there is also darkness. When joy is strong, sorrow is also heavy." Now I feel the same way about these words; sometimes I feel that thirty is not only characterized by this end, but more special is the sense of death. When young people fail to fall in love, they are used to talking about life and death, but this is just a matter of knowing that there is "death", not a sense of body. Even in the summer when drinking ice and swinging a fan, I can't feel the taste of winter nights surrounded by fire. Even those of us who have experienced more than 30 degrees of cold and heat, under the scorching sun of the past few days, could not feel the taste of the bathing day anyway. In summer, people's hearts are just empty knowledge, but they know that these things will happen in the future, but they cannot feel their taste. It must be autumn, and Yan Yang has exhausted his power and gradually retreats, his sweat soaked fat skin gradually shrinks, wearing a single shirt seems to be chilling, and when he feels comfortable touching the franc velvet, he surrounds the fireplace and embraces the quilt. , bathing day and other knowledge can be gradually integrated into the experience world and turned into a body sensation.

After I reported my age in the beginning of autumn, the most special state in my mind was the sense of "death". I used to think so lightly! Thinking that spring can always be in the world and people can be young forever, but I didn't think about death at all. I also thought that the meaning of life is only to live, my life is the most meaningful, it seems that I will not die. Until now, only after relying on the enlightenment of autumn's kind light and the nurture of death's spiritual energy, did I know that the joys and sorrows of life are an old tune that has been repeated hundreds of millions of times in heaven and earth, so why cherish it? I just ask for the safe delivery and escape of this life. Still suffering from a crazy person, what is the point of being confused and confused in the disease? But begging him to get sick.

I was about to put down my pen when suddenly black clouds filled the west window, a flash of electric light flashed in the sky, a faint thunder sounded, and a burst of autumn rain with hailstones suddenly fell. what! It turns out that the beginning of autumn has not passed many days, and the autumn heart is immature and unsophisticated, so there is inevitably such a phenomenon of disharmony, which is terrible!