A Late Winter's Walk

The air holds both chill and moisture, contrasted by piles of gray snow and rising mist. Winter is coming to an end, trudging slowly towards spring.

I inhale the early March air - crisp, but no longer biting. My neighborhood smells like fresh laundry, seasoned firewood and the imposingly gigantic trees that ward off the aromas of the nearby filthy city. You'd never know I live 3-miles away from scent alone.

Everything is still - but, notably not mid-winter still. In the darkness, a gray man quietly zooms by on a small motorized bike. The motley, feral tomcat that sometimes graces my yard, perches out of the drizzle in a doorway. They've planted a cat house to the side.

I commonly listen to my tunes - but, I find I'm more inclined to shut it off halfway. Usually, music help me dissociate from reality. It's a habit that emerged in my teens, while I now teeter on the edge towards middle age. But, I find my mind is naturally wanting a more present reality. On walks, music increasingly is a distraction.

As things settle from the holiday chaos, and the darkness of 2026's first months lift, my confidence and calm lift as well. Everything is coming together from persistence, consistency and self belief. These are three words I've always struggle doing, but with a reset nervous system, I'm somehow balancing them all!

Quietly, I build a life toward goals I don’t know clearly how to navigate - paths that are both silently and loudly judged.

I'm not following the straight path and nuclear dreams. They've never been for me, and I could only conform until my pretty, glossy patina finally cracked.

I won't lie - the distance and disapproval - often unsolicited - hurt. But, after the shock and pain subsided my natural resilience took hold. Now, strength and focus persist. I slowly see the fruits of my efforts - and, while scary - boldly enjoy the journey.

I'm more myself than ever. Naturally, I find people who actually align with me, while inspiring others based on who I truly am. I'm gobsmacked at how effortless it feels now.

This transition between winter to spring is truly a new beginning with a new me. Or, one that had been lost for awhile. Now, I push forward more easily through the inevitable hurdles - and, enjoy the highs far more.

My walk is ending - I note the colorful lights strung above a foggy porch. Through a window, I glimpse a group of older folks having a get together - and, on a Tuesday? I admire this - most people would be recuperating from their nine-to-five. Eight months ago, I'd think it absurd - even, off-limits to do. I mean - where was the time?

Now, I feel it's unfortunate how an unreasonable work routine gets in the way of small pleasures like that. But, it's no surprise when you're raised to believe this is a normal, noble life. You know - the capitalistic way of sacrificing so much time mostly to line the pockets of those with far more power. For me, I was lost in this life.

Alas, I'm lucky the star-spangled mold finally broke. And, I can't wait for the flowers to bloom and to fully enjoy them.