Self-Editing Epiphany

As I start my creative writing journey, I'd like to share my conclusion and epiphany that have flourished from the fear and doubt of perfectionism with my fellow writers who like I, are hesitant, scare and carry with them thousands of ideas in their minds, but don't know where, how and if it is worth to start writing.

The roots of one's fears and doubts stem from very different personal circumstances, life experiences, upbringing and environment. Whether these are a cause of one's mental, emotional and physical history, they belong purely to you. Purely to you to define, speak of and share. The silver lining is when we realize and recognize that these reasons can be relatable and common to our human experience as we coexist together in this world.

That being said, I'd like to express that my doubts and fears which act as a limiting blocking wall to my ability to deliver and share my creative writing stem from what I like to call "perfectionist syndrome". The need and the desire to write perfectly and concise all the time. The fear of being wrong to an audience I have yet to meet, but hoping to welcome and build. The fear of criticism and judgement from the "experts" of literature, or the professionals who have studied psychology, all the theories and scientific research that could go against my train of thoughts, better yet, my creative writing. These fears have kept all my creative writing ideas locked and in darkness for a very long time. These fears have transformed into self-doubt which have consecutively destroyed my first step forward.

As a creative writer I consider my self to be an artist. As much as I love and enjoy reading and writing, I also enjoy music, dancing, singing, designing, fashion, colours and all things art. I've come to the following epiphany and conclusion to be very real to my core, and is that although I was raised by a woman who strive to be very much a perfectionist in her mind and daily life, she also expected and requested the same perfectionism from her four children, where everything was never good enough. In my world as an adult now, art is not perfect nor strives to be perfect. Art strives to be shared, seen and looked at from different angles, points of views without the fear of being right or wrong.

In art I rely to break free from this "perfectionist syndrome" that I was conditioned to live by as a child. Today art frees this young woman to live and express herself without the fear or doubt of not being good enough, better yet perfect. The epiphany lies in letting go of the weight of what is "perfect" and what is not. I want to dive in to creative writing as a form of free self-expression that derives from my definition of art. Rest easy in a bed of imperfect thoughts and ideas that have the possibility of being seen, heard; with the hope that it will inspire more creative writing, more art, but above all, freedom and healing to express ourselves without the doubts and fears of the compulsive expectations to be perfect.

I hope that this self- reflection will help my fellow creative writers find where their doubts and fears stem from. If you relate to mine, I want to welcome you to my community and thank you for your time. It is possible to break free and let go of the judgement, criticism and expectancy of perfectionism in our craft. Believe in your-self and believe in your art. Start creating and start writing. This is my first step and leap of faith into creative writing. It is not perfect, but is me and as a human being I am worthy of being good enough.