My own worst Art Critique

I have to be honest—- Critique is one of the most challenges that I have to try to keep tackle it. For years, I have always been my own worst credit or worst critique- no matter what creativity I was doing especially during my school life and even after graduation. I also couldn’t go to the art school or art college at all— it was quite expensive and other reasons (its very complicated to share). I thought I wasn’t going to be succeed anything due from my mental health, my conditions—my learning issues, mixed language disorder, and mixed development delayed since childhood. I always like making stories like imagination and be creative as an illustrator(my dream career), same thing when I want to be an artist. I have also been struggled if I am talented enough or not even quite at all…

I have been practiced with many references and tutorial along with some books about drawing the bodies, perspective, dynamics, proportions, expressions, and colors— lots and lots of details! It was quite exhausting — I also don’t want to be lazy either, sadly my mental health is still challenging everytime for a month and few weeks In the row.

One of the worst criticisms I have ever had in my life it’s when I was in high school in mid-2000s, and all of my classmates including me can not do anything cartoonish or abstract,etc, just realistic details- it was frustrating and overwhelming! I also felt discouraged that I can’t do anything something I like to do during the art class.

I also do not want to let my envious or jealously get in the way. I have tried my best for not to be like jealous to other artists— However, the art blocks while comparison with other artists are the worse thing to deal with. It happened for ten years so far, while I tried to do some awesome fanart of Critical Role- I felt discouraged, crushed, and exhausted while I was surrounded by amazing artists. It feels like a competition, some said- unfortunately, it’s not. And I agree that it shouldn’t be like a major competition about who’s who is the best artist in the community including Critical Role and Chainsaw Man fandom.

To be honest, rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) hit me really hard—every single month, due from my PMDD (premenstrual Dysphoric disorder). The socital stigma has still haunting me ever since, even people from the art communities may not believe about this scariest condition I have.

I will show you some of the examples of my art progress for two decades- from 2000s to 2020s.

I know I have been trying my best, especially redoing my old pieces even if I hade done recently couple years ago. Working In progress is one the things that I’m trying to improve art skills as much as I can along with the model stocks I used and it really helped me for ten years. Even though, I’m still tracing the body(but still practicling the different bodytypes), mostly the names and toes. Things haven’t been so easy everyday due from the rejection, perfectionism, algorithm, and quality or maybe quantity.

I will do my best and be a good artists as much as I can be like everyone else…