How I feel after fucking up every exam

I have been preparing for Neet ever since class 8 even before that I was working very hard in classes hoping to get a good score in my overall academics so my admission to med school becomes easier.

I stopped my hobbies like reading fiction , time passing using some music and even stopped writing in platforms like these for while till my exams were there.

Neet preparation for me felt like participating in a sword fight with a needle and hoping to win yeah I did not win obviously.

There were a lot of reasons which I will get into one by one so if anyone preparing for a competitive exam may relate or may feel better because, I am no better than the failures trust me.

I felt dead during the preparation for Neet, I did not feel alive at all studying these difficult subjects with no good teachers in person made me feel like punching hard concrete, It hurt my hands and head.

Physics, chemistry and biology are all subjects which need individual focus these subjects need a razor sharp focus like Arjun and not get distracted alot, these subjects other than biology maybe require extremely good teachers why ?

It's because Physics and chemistry are the subjects which we can expect conceptual twists it is like learning to untangle a earphone no matter the kind of tangle.

To top it all off I studied in CBSE which made it worse for knowing where and how to score marks which was ambiguously unknown.

My score in boards to weren't great but I worked my ass off preparing for them, skipped parties , functions , outings and my happiness.

The worst feeling in my opinion was studying and not getting the deserved score for what output I gave on the paper every method of presentation was unsatisfactory for my teachers.

*Don't use black and blue pen focus on giving us the content.

*Write all answers in order don't jumble the order if you don't know the answers just leave gap for them teachers will correct in a hurry and put 0.

* The paper looks empty but has all points in content if your paper looks like this in exam no matter what you write they won't give full marks so write in paragraph not points.

*Why does your paper look so full I cannot read easily and correct fast write in points not lengthy paragraphs.

*Don't draw lines after every answer I don't like it I don't want use of pencil in my exam.

* Haven't I asked you to draw lines after every exam ? do you guys want to piss me off ? No one is getting marks even if answers are correct I will put wrong.

*I asked I want a page length answer for 2 marks I don't care if there is not enough time if you studied you would have written it here.

* Who has the patience to read a page length answer for 2 marks ? Should I spend an eternity to figure out it is correct or not ?

These are just a few out of the infinite remarks I used to get. It feels like teachers look exam answer sheets as tinder the person (answer) is good or not liking them is subjective.

It was never about content it was about how we gave it to them and how they felt having it.

I have never topped any exam to begin with I have scored decent, average and below average nothing more.

So am I dumb ? Of course not , Are you dumb for failing exams ? Definitely not , Do exams matter ? Yes to an extent , Is your life over if you fail one ? Never in a million lifetimes , Can you succeed despite failing ? Of course infinity times

All this after working without thinking about anything and now I am doing a different course and things are different here as well. Just because you score well doesn't mean success it is just a stepping stone , which you cannot be happy just stepping on it , you have to move forward.

If you are like me never scored well despite working hard never stop believing in yourself and find a different stepping stone.

Biologically speaking our brains are not much different from Albert Einstein's ;).