Being a good or a bad person is not just an identity

I have never felt this much anger while writing at all, writing is my happy place where I structure my inner world into poems and stories, something ai can never stop me from doing.

It is genuinely so tiring just being a person who just wants some good college experiences in general, and trying to not being miserable all the time when each person around you is demanding the results of your success.

Me being a first year law student , it is my first year I barely know anyone and my mom cannot guide me because despite she being a lawyer, I am doing a different specialization in this subject from her.

I also aim for a different career than her which makes her advice mute for my life, it is just different we all are.

I have seen a lot of toxic people in my life getting abused in different ways before your pre frontal lobe develops is interestingly depressing . People only think about themselves here the whole time, they are lazy but parasitically competitive which is just infuriating.

They don't have basic courtesy or any good logical reasonable principles to live by, they live in the heat of the moment always. Like a thermal water spring steaming all throught the years of their existence. The heat is from jealousy from others who are doing well, superiority complex on those who are doing well.

The heat of hormones and porn addiction, and lusty minds who never really care about how their mistakes affects, and humiliates others in ways the affected suffers silently. Or living of the money of other hardworking parents in the name of friends or lovers despite having enough or more of their own.

The friends who changes colors more than they bother to change their underwear. Or the friend silently judging others who are just living their own life, while they themselves can generate poison to snakes with their unlimited venom from their heads.

The college bullies , emotional blackmailers and undercover playboys the list goes on and on and on.

While flipping the coin.

The people who appear to be rude, who don't find the need to be nice all the time because know they are a good person so they don't overcompensate externally their thinking process is so good , they don't feel a need to perform.

This is definitely for all the people pleasers in the world though , it just comes from unhealed traumas and various different customized and very valid reasons and probably a good number of them would have depression too.

Now what do I mean by saying that their thought process is good let me explain.

I have analyzed this by the experience god has gifted me as my toxic friends.

* My friends appeared to be feministic and opposed sexual assaults but if they do it , it is not wrong.

* Will scrutinize others over just living their life while themselves being an ill intentioned person towards all.

* Wouldn't respect everyone as their equals but will demand respect thinking saying two compliments will make me want to fall on my knees with a ring for them.

*Thinking only about themselves not having emotional empathy just cognitive empathy which is useless because they never seemed to use any.

*Despite me putting more effort in their friendship they seemed to be thinking they were doing charity because they sat next to me without, equally respecting me in their conversations.

*Would only do good things to increase their self image not in an intent to actually help me because I am their friend.

*Making fun of uncontrollable insecurities and offensive crimes that are absolutely dehumanizing and there is nothing funny about it to begin with you have to be a psycho sadist to enjoy others(innocent, harmless, good people) suffering and I hope such people go to hell.

*Disrespecting people according to their needs and wants having no decent way of perceiving others.

* Using and disrespecting the people who supported their growth and helped them flourish.

*Taking others belongings and not returning (important books, charging devices) you have to remind them a lot to get them, isn't it basic that if you give someone something for an emergency which is important they benifit from it, and don't have the least to return it to you let alone in a decent condition cause it is something important and not petty to get over ?

I never asked them to be selfless and sacrifice their life for me just be a decent friend nothing more , can't go lesser.

These people thought they were good but they are not.

"Good people may or may not follow the rules made by society , but they will have empathy and think not to cause harm rather than get a good name if only one was a choice here".

Good people generally want to do good deeds , not just wear it like makeup and removing it because it is not their skin to sleep in it is makeup.

Good people want to do good so other good people get benefited that is why you will never see them trying to please the wrong ones, except they don't know the person they are trying to please is wrong.

Good people will want to be good by choosing it every day despite the world trying to pollute their mind.

True good people will make the effort to not be toxic and not turn into monsters , despite magic wands waving them to be.

Being good it is not just an identity, it is a very exhausting , mentally draining alone effort in this world.

So please if you find out factually if someone is truly a good person through their mind and actions be grateful, cherish and appreciate their actions because in this world being good is equal to being alone in a deserted island.

It is just so depressing when we are trying to do good to a world that wants to finish us without concern , but we do it anyway so it would be better for the world tomorrow.

Each truly good action counts like a collapsing deck of structurally organized cards one good action and it's benefits will inspire more people to do the same. It is where a lot of people gain their empathy from it is being kind and seeing kind people too.

Please don't let our experiences ruin the way we think and ourselves entirely. There are good people too on this planet.