Time for petty revenge?

Sorry for SUPER long story!!

Got divorce few years ago. Me, F45 and ex-husband M42, had fights about money and spending. We both worked full-time and made about the same amount of money (we have kids and owned apartment). Se both got good salary, not huge but we lived comfortably, or so I thought. He had access to my bank account and phone and knew always what I got salary and what I’d spent. I never had his. Sus#1. He liked nice stuff, I’ve never been into shopping and never go to salon etc. We got shared household, so the person paid who got money, and we never counted who paid what. At some point I didn’t knew where the money had gone. I asked and he was shady about it. Sus#2. All I knew, I paid more and more bills and also gave money to him to pay his bills. After break-up, turns out he had taken big loan behind my back! He confessed after he tried to win me back, he were already moved out. Money was spent on tv’s, playstions, cars, clothes you name it. I didn’t truly knew we had no money for all of that. I wasn’t cool with shopping expensive stuff and shared my doubts, he assured we afford everything. There was also some pressuring having intimacy, eventually I wanted less and less and he then acted like a child. I also experienced belittling from him. Due to all this, I wanted divorce. I brew my thought years while this all was happening. So, after hard break-up and long divorce we continued living together, not smart from me but he insisted. Eventually things get stiff between us and I call it off. I wanted both of us to moving forward. His parents bought big and nice apartment for him (and for the kids, we shared custody equally). They also made full all-paid renovation. I sold alone our apartment and all the left over furnitures (which he didn’t wan’t and they didn’t fit into my new apartment), and paid him half for every single dime i got from house end sold furnitures, we didn’t have marriwge settlement any kind. He didn’t have to pay full rent to his parents (after i kindly informed mil about their sons loans), they desided to pay all his living expenses, so he can reduce his dept. At the same time I got small apartment, struggled alot, I lost my dad and almost didn’t keep up with all expenses. When I tried to talk about money and child support (I suggested keeping child benefits for me, we agreed share them due 50-50 custody). I tried to reason with him not paying nearly anything while I have full rent and other costs. He laughed out loud ”Too bad you don’t have parents to pay your rent and help you out!”. My dad had just month ago passed after long suffer. Ex-husband knew exactly how much my dad meant to me and laughed to his passing. I said nothing back and sucked it up.

In that time we still live together after divorce, he hacked my phone, got into every socials I got: watsapp, messenger, dm’s, all.. Then he moved away and I started to dating immediatly. Of course he knew everything, he stalked my phone. He got contact to all my dating partners, harassed them so many ways. One guy even had phonecalls in the middle of night, my ex made them dating profile for gays, and share this guys number there. So that guy got harrassed by multiple men. My ex threatened to go over one guyss house beat him up (He look up their address and all). Called him several times on night and day. Then I find out the phone was hacked and got him out from my apps, change passwords etc.

Once He came into my home, the one where he had moved away, interrogate where have i been and with who. He crab my phone and tried to open it, he convinced he can open my phone anytime. That was scary.

One night I was a party, he stalked instagram and got to know where I was and with who (again one person he harrassed). I had blocked him but we had mutual acquaintances who posted during party. Ex calls both of us over and over, I answered to get him calm. Didn’t work. He yells me over the phone in the middle of night threaten to come and beat up every party guests and so on.. I just say calmly; you have our kids there with you, please calm down etc, didn’t work either. I tried to talk him reason, no go. He was manic. I had to hung up. I was scared I must tell. Then my daughter calls me crying ”why daddy is so angry at you mom??!! Mom please get out of there and go home before dad does something stupid!!” etc. She overheard her dad to call and yell 😭

I was fuming! She actually believed his dad is going to harm me and other people and was scared! I was, and I still am super angry to him, but I stayed my cool, talk him only calmly, I knew I lose if he breaks my cool. (Daughter eventually got therapy).

I took all the curses (he wished i get STD:s and get beaten up by my dating partners and so on). He messed with our custody agreement, tried to have solely kids, bashed my motherhood and ability to take care of our kids. I never flinch my eye when he called me whre, bh and other names. Usually his ragebursts happened in front of the kids, during changes, I played deaf and never reacted. I tried to talk sense, send few messages. I tried reason due our self-agreed custody deal. I got us into counseling, he came there once. I tried get him there again without success. He was deep into manic rage at several occations during few year prior post-divorce.

At this point had to clarify; I never cheated. Not once. He was just so mad for break-up and me moving on so fast. And losing control over me. He tried to manage whom im with, wanted me to suffer and be as sad as possible, but I was getting myself back day after day.

One guy I met (he was super nice, i was so thrilled about him, totally crush) got scared and angry about my ex harassing him and he stopped dating me because all the drama. I was so pissed but never let my ex knew anything about my feelings. I buried all and keep my mouth shut. He even harrassed my current boyfriend. Luckily my bf was giving f about it.

Now my ex has found a girlfriend. I have met her breefly and I greeted her smile on my face. They are dated now about six months. He has calmed down, not all the way yet, but better.

I suck it up for so long, he called me horrible names, I got ptsd due to his harassing, he made fun about my bf and been so disrespectful all this time. I cried and was sick of him so many times. All the pain he got all us thru, especially our kids.

I WAS LIVING DOORMAT.

All for being the bigger person and keep him in childrens lives at any cost, even my own sanity and chance to ever find happiness.

I’ve never been petty. I always think its not worthy to revenge. Now I think i deserve it. Nobody can know anything, it has to be something I never tell anyone and I’ll keep secret to my deathbed. That arrogant pig is going to meet his karma, by me. Any ideas?

UPDATE:

This happened few years back. Now the situation is changed a lot. I got solely custody after outburst at kids school event, by him. He shouted, cursed and was fuming and other people called cps. He got full-blown manic tantrum. Kids were scared and cried, ran away from their dad. People was around and started pay attention to us. I tried calm him down like usually. We had to go cps and tell the situation; he (ex-husband) was furious because I wanted him to co-parent peacefully and he wanted sole custody (I said not over my dead body). I said, this have to end. His rage against me is bigger than childrens well-being. After meeting with cps I arranged official custody meeting. There he wanted to part away from 50-50. He wanted every other weekend and I agreed. He didn’t want to sign official child support agreement so I went to court. He hasn’t paid a dime volunteerily. I have now supporting me and kids by myself. By court-order, state can take some money straight from paycheck, almost 1/3 of the whole support. It comes every now and then. Now he lives with his girlfriend and boy, that woman is delulu. Recently we (me and ex) went to re-write custody agreement and he again didn’t want more time with kids. No addition on child support and we good to go. After that his new fiancé send me a long text. How i’m insane how can I ask for child support from the dad who struggles to pay ”our” debts. She accused me sinking him into deeper on struggles and I have no consideration for him. (He co-pays her house loan with her as ”rent”). She mad I ”make him pay” and same sentence says ”of course child support must be paid”. I notice her, I don’t make him pay, it’s judges order. She stated my money should be spent on kids (like, don’t i? They have electricy, food, every year fitted clothes, toys, hobbies etc..) kids have to have more hobbies and I should take them travelling with ALL THE MONEY I get from him and from state. Note to self 📝 travel more. She also said our kids aren’t well raised and we both (x and i) made stupid choices about parenting kids and dealing our money arrangement in marriage. Our kids aren’t well-raised because we had no strict house rules, kids can eat at anytime at the day when hungry and we don’t follow planned work to do -list. I buy all snacks and kids no need to earn every penny for their candys and snacks on weekends. This was also his parenting plan before they met. She, new supply prefer stricter rules, and that’s fine. Our kids are very normal and I teach them to show all feelings. Even bad ones. I’m happy seeing them to thrive with friends and activities after school. They are loving, bubbly and have good sense of humour. They are very fun to be with. Sure they are kids, messy and loud. But they know about hygiene and gratitude.

Also I was ”cold” and ”crooked” person. She also accused me for manipulating kids (’cause they didn’t want to move with their father after their dads tantrum on public event.) I replied: ”Are you manipulated or just stupid”. I told X isn’t very reliable with money and don’t always tell truths about finances. I was not in any part of loans he took behind my back and he never told me about money struggles during marriage like he should have done. I do with my kids anything i want and she has no say about it. This is short version about the texts but she was fuming about me saying she is stupid 😁 too bad! blocked

Now, he doesn’t pay full CS, doesn’t always take childs on his parenting times and proceeds to lie everywhere. I showed her texts to my ex-mil, we have great relationship and new supply doesn’t like it. Ex-mil wasn’t pleased but they can do nothing. This is just wenting, those years after divorce was dark and sometimes i wonder how i’m sane nowadays.