The Little Black Book

The Little Black Book

The Escape

The walk home from working the farm was especially tough that night. The ether surrounding me felt firey as the moon gently kissed the snow-lined pitch-black path that winded through the forest towards my home. I liked to think the translucent flames flowing from my ill existence melted the snow revealing a path towards my sanctuary but that was either the medicine talking or my temperature giving me confidence. The lights were out when I finally reached our ornate arched doorway. The air within smelt of stale dust and a day's pay sloshed, swallowed, and gifted to the floor. I could tell it was rather well heated earlier but the cold was slowly grasping the attention of the room. Within the fireplace only embers were left, fighting darkness till their last breath. I tried to empathize but I felt a strange sense of jealousy towards them. You'd think a lady as resourceful as I would have remembered to chop some wood for such a brisk and unforgiving night, but I guess he had too many whiskey sours to feel the cold. Judging by the expression on Jack's face, I'd say he was pretty content with the quality of comfort he was experiencing. At least he wasn't aware of me hiding my earnings.

I made my way to the kitchen. My stomach prayed for some leftover bread and jam from the day before. Again I found another disappointment to add to my collection. I convinced myself I was too tired to eat.

I had to suffice, keeping frostbite at bay by sacrificing my urge to regurgitate in bed with this heavy-handed heathen. He smelt of iron, sweat, vomit, and spirits. I prayed hard to the gods to be free from this bear child of a lush. I prayed and cried so hard that I couldn't hold it back. I projected my sickness all over my sleeping husband. He was mad when he awoke. The fury in his eyes was hotter than my steaming skin. All I remember was him telling me how useless I was and how much of a disgusting and careless wife I had been. I'll never forget his face as his hand embraced my neck and spit flew into my eyes. He screamed, "I'll teach you to vomit on me, you careless witch." Time slowed and felt like it would never end. In an instant, my eyes turned as black as his heart. My son, Evan, started to cry from all the noise. He was told to shut up and go back to bed before he shared the same fate as the embers whose ghosts had already departed this world. My terrified child ran back to bed with tears streaming and a clenched mouth for fear of making a sound.

After that Jack kicked me to the floor and said, "I don't want to look at that" as he threw a thin sheet over my body and head. He went back to sleep after that, taking all the blankets in the house for himself.

I heard my son still whimpering softly, so I went to his room. I wiped his cheeks and gave him some milk our cow gifted to us earlier that morning. He started to calm down. Evan looked at me and said, "Please don't tell daddy but I did something bad, I stole this from the kitchen today. I'm sorry I did it for you.". He handed me a box and I opened it and inside was a few pieces of toast and some jam, just enough for two. I started crying as I set it out for us to share. He truly was my angel, always looking out for me. I took my sheet plus the 2 others we had and wrapped him up tight so he would be warm. I told him I would always protect him and one day we both were going to escape to go live a happier life. Then I read him a story from our favorite book, Utopia. Its smooth black cover and golden title helped him fall asleep fearlessly. I decided to double up on my clothes and curl up next to the fireplace since it still had some warmth left on the rug to absorb.

The next morning I awoke to feel much better. I had no fever, the pain was gone and so were my bruises. I was confused until I realized my consciousness had separated from my body. The night was unforgiving indeed. All I could think about was my poor boy and the promise I made to him that I thought I could no longer fulfill. He was only 11 but it was somehow it was his fault I was gone. I had to watch helplessly unable to do a thing as the love of my life got scolded for sleeping with all the sheets. He told him he was now going to be taking care of the farm, with no remorse for my passing.

"That's man's work, I'm just a boy and you're supposed to the man." Evan said. Jack's response was cold ,"Maybe I should make you a man then.".

"I'm already more of one than you'll ever be." I cringed as soon as I heard the words come out of the already emotionally defeated apple of my eye. I couldn't do anything in my new state of being to save my son from the animal his words had unleashed. My angel went to bed that night with swollen eyes, a broken heart, and a broken spirit. I watched him for hours crying while covering his mouth so he didn't make noise. I could see in his eyes all he wanted, all he needed was me and to be allowed to grieve. I needed to tell him I was still there and he wasn't alone but I didn't know how. I tried to hold him as best as I could for a spirit but it didn't help. I was shaping up to be a lousy disincarnate. He couldn't feel me and I couldn't move anything. His long locks were wet and covering his eyes. When I went to move them out of the way I projected love and wished he could feel me. I moved his hair and he noticed. He said my name a few times asking if I was there. I tried to scream yes but he couldn't hear me when I answered back. I had to find a way to connect to him. On his bedside table, he kept a little black book with a pencil. I figured since I moved his hair maybe I could move the pencil too. Nothing worked. I was trying for an hour and then got so mad I slammed my fists on the table and the pencil rolled off. "I knew you were here." he said with excitement. He picked up the pencil placed the tip on the paper and said please mommy, please help me. Tell me what I should do. I seized my opportunity. Now that I knew emotions let me move things I proceeded to use his hand to write out a message. I wrote " father asleep, read Utopia pg 143." He did just that. When he opened the page there was a little note that said " my coin purse is in the flour, take it, food, and the horse. Dress warm and ride 3 days south. Eventually, you will see an apple tree by a river you will find a heart-shaped rock that cannot be removed from the ground. Take 2 long paces from the rock towards the tree and dig. There you will find all you need, take it to your Auntie M. She will make sure you are safe. I will be with you always. I love you eternally with my essence aura and binding soul - Mom."

Evan did exactly as the note said. He snuck out of bed while Jack was in a deep sleep he snuck into the kitchen and stuck his hand deep into the flour until his hand felt a little bag. He pulled it out and inside he found coins of silver and gold, his mom's necklace, and a little note. The note read, " I love you Evan with all my heart. Don't tell daddy, I did something bad. I lied about our earnings. Not sorry, I did it for you. There is $2,000 here. It's not much but enough to get you started in case this doesn't work. Don't be sad, be strong. I am always with you." Evan grabbed the shovel, packed a bag of grain carrots and potatoes, grabbed his water sack, and picked some apples off the trees while heading to the barn. He opened the gate and mounted our horse Jasper and rode out into the brisk winter morning. He felt as if he was flying as Jasper galloped down the road away from the nightmare that would never consume him again. He rode as fast as he could for 3 days only stopping to rest and eat. He finally found the tree and dug till he found a box. Inside the box was a gun, some old newspaper clippings describing several people killed in a string of bank robberies, and a wanted poster with Jack's face on it. Under the papers and next to the gun, there was a leather tattered pouch. He opened it to reveal a log of profits, the deed to the farm, and more gold coins. He dumped them all out and counted them. There were over $8,000 in gold coins. He realized this was his father's savings which were probably earned by his mother. Evan couldn't stand knowing his childhood home was bought with stolen money taken at the expense of lives and the idea that his poor was mother forced to work the land, filled him with anger. He knew what he had to do. He rode back to town to bring the gun, newspaper clippings, the deed, and the poster to my sister and told her what had really happened to me and him over the past few days. Together they then went to the sheriff. Then he showed him where to find Jack. Jack was arrested for my death and the crimes he thought he had outrun. Evan was given a $20,000 reward for helping the law bring justice to his monster of a father.

Since that night many years have passed. Time has a funny way of healing the heart. Though things in life may change, one thing that will stay certain is that the powers of love and faith are the most valuable of all treasures. Evan is a man now but his eyes still shine with the same joy as the night we first started writing notes together in his little black book.