The Journey

So, my name is Richie. Somehow, I found myself in a state mental hospital in the summer of 2011. Now to be fair, I was a little crazy. My journey through the mental health system has been long and is still ongoing, but I wouldn’t be who I am without all I’ve been through.

SATU Chapter 1

So, my first memory of being at Mendota mental health institute is that of SATU. At Mendota they have all sorts of different units where the patients are housed. Almost everybody starts out in maximum security, which is SATU. SATU is short for secure assessment and treatment unit, as I noticed on the board by the grill gate. SATU is basically a hallway, with patient rooms on either side leading down to the nursing station. The nursing station is appropriately called the bubble by the patients because it’s a glassed-in room that oversees both day rooms, also at the very end of the hallway. There is a showering room, a linen room, a bathroom and a staff break room, and a nursing window, all mixed in along the hallway. The walls of the hallway are yellow with bolted on paintings of landscapes. The doors to the patient rooms are white and heavy metal with a window in the middle and a bolt to be locked in.

Because I was 17 when I came to Mendota they housed me in a wet cell, or a room with a silver toilet/sink combo. This was convenient because the staff only open the door to the bathroom every 30 minutes to an hour for bathroom breaks for everybody without a wet cell. Besides the toilet there was a metal bed frame bolted 2 inches off the floor with a green flimsy mattress. As I walked in to the cell the first time there was a set of sheets and a blanket sitting on the mattress.

But before I could even get to the cell, I had to do a strip search, which because I was crazy, I refused to do and told them to fuck off. Bad idea, because then they immediately took me to the seclusion room. The seclusion room is at the very start of the hallway, by the grill gate. I was escorted there after refusing to Strip search by the security officers. So, after looking around the cell for a little while I got kind of fed up with this seclusion room business. And I had to take a shit and the only way to do so was in the hole 2 inches in diameter on the floor. So, because of this pressing problem I asked the guy sitting on a chair outside of my cell what I had to do to get out of there. He said “strip” through the metal meal trap on the door. It was a little less intimidating than stripping for like 3 officers so I said “okay” and proceeded to take off my cloths. Once I was naked the guy watching me told me to bend over and spread my cheeks and cough. I think mumbled something like what the hell, but did as I was told because of the need to use the bathroom. After the search, i was given a jumpsuit that was completely yellow, and I later would call the banana suit. I was told to make sure every time i was out of my room to be wearing the yellow suit. After the strip search i said “no problem”. The reason i was so hesitant to do the strip search was because the last time I did one in jail, the correctional officers didn’t give me anything to put on for a few hours. They finally did give me a suicide smock or a large dress like garment that is unable to tear and is green. It has been nicknamed the turtle suit by other inmates but it is no fun. Furthermore, its cold as ice in jail and when all you have is the turtle suit, its chilly.

So Back to SATU, I walked out down the hallway to my room where I stayed for an hour or so because I really wasn’t sure about what it was like in a mental hospital. I had been in hospitals before but never one like this. This was a state mental institution where everybody who was there was incarcerated. Which honestly made me a little nervous, and they were all adults. The age range was anywhere from 17 to 90 on the unit. So after about an hour in my cell I got bored and walked down the hallway to the day room. There were a few other patients all in yellow jumpsuits watching tv at the tv bolted to the wall. The furniture was rubber and heavy. There were 2 card tables in the back. The whole room was fairly small. I liked playing poker with my family so I went over to the card table and asked what they were playing. A guy in yellow said “all we play is spades”. Spades is a popular game among the incarcerated and I didn’t know how to play because I had never been incarcerated until then. So, I asked if i could play. The guy in yellow, who I noticed only had one leg, said “maybe later.” So, I walked out of the dayroom to the other dayroom past the bubble where I noticed the staff watching me closely, probably because of my refusal to strip search.

Upon entering the smaller dayroom, I noticed 3 guys in yellow jumpsuits vigorously pacing around a small table. They were listening to music on a radio locked down to the wall. So, I figured I’d join them pacing. I walked a few laps, where laps only took 3 seconds to get around the table, and got kind of bored. So, I asked one of the guys who he was. He said “I’m Darnell.” I said “what is there to do around here Darnell.?” He said “bro I’m just doing my time, I eat, sleep, jerk off and do it all again tomorrow. Can’t complain”. So, I kept pacing, enjoying the music, when Dion came into the room. He was a chubby 17-year-old black boy who got upset easily as I learned quite soon. So, he came in and said “what the fuck are we listening to.” The guy who was sitting by the radio said” it’s my turn for the radio Dion, we’re listening to JJO.” JJO is the heavy rock station. This must have upset Dion because he proceeded to go to the corner where there was a puzzle sitting half-finished and he started throwing pieces all over the place. I was like what the fuck. But soon enough the staff noticed the commotion and 2 came into the dayroom and sternly told Dion to go to his room. Dion told them to fuck off and they got closer and yelled” Dion go to your room now”. Timidly he went down the hall to his room.

After a few minutes, a lady with red hair, about 45 years old came into the dayroom and announced that it as movie pick time. She was the occupational therapist, or OT on the unit. The guys all sat at the table they were pacing around and were passed out binders with all sorts of movies on a a seemingly endless packet inside the binder. She said “okay we get 4 movies per week, the ones with the most votes get submitted.” On the PA system somebody from the bubble announced” Movie pick small dayroom”. A few more patients strolled in from the other dayroom. And we made a list of movies we would like to see. Then came the voting. One guy said “I wanna see some tits.” This was seconded my some of the other guys. And they started talking about movies with sexy females in them. The OT said” Inappropriate. Stop it now or you can leave”. So I think we settled on cat woman, taxi, little Nicki, and dude where’s my car. There was a very testy voting process to get there with guys trying to persuade the others to vote for the movie they wanted. I was just happy to have something to do for an hour.

After movie pick group it was almost time for dinner. I asked Darnell what was for dinner, he said “lemme check.” He went over to a board bolted to the wall which was the menu board. It was right next to a world map that still had the Soviet Union on it, also bolted to the wall. He pondered for a moment and said out loud” mmm we had pancakes for Breakfast, so it must be the third week, aiight, it’s gotta be chili mac casserole bro”. I asked if it was good and he said “ It’s aiight”. All the sudden over the intercom it was announced”. Dinner trays are on the unit, go to your rooms”

I left the dayroom and walked down the hall toward my room, passing a silver toned metal cart that must have been the tray cart. I waited in my room bored, and peeked out at the tray cart as it ambled down the hallway slowly but surely. I realized i was fairly hungry after coming from jail and hadn’t eaten much recently. I just hoped the food was better than jail.

So as it turns out when you first get to SATU you usually come from jail where the food is so bad it’s practically inedible. I’m talking meatloaf that squeaks, rotten vegetables, and my favorite; spoiled baloney that got me violently ill at first until i got used to it. But the food at Mendota is so good at first it’s like a five star restaurant. My first tray was a pile of chilly Mac casserole, bread, milk, pineapple tidbits, and red jello. It was the best meal I had eaten in months, but it wasn’t because it was exceptionally tasty, it was because it was enough to make me full for the first time in months after jail. I gobbled it down quickly, and then had to wait. The try cart comes back around about an hour after you are served and the staff come by with a garbage can that you dump the tray in when they get to your room. The whole-time trays are on the unit you can’t leave your room.

So after dinner I went to the dayroom where there was a few guys watching some NBA game on television. I was still a little nervous around the other guys because i wasn’t sure what to expect from them. After seeing Dion throw, he puzzle pieces everywhere I just wasn’t sure what to expect. So, I sat in the back of the dayroom and watched tv and kept to myself. After a while I got bored and went to my room to sleep, when I was soon rudely awakened by the intercom that announced “hygiene is available, come and get it. “So, I ambled out of my room to discover that you had to check out your toothbrush, toothpaste, and comb only at certain times. So, I grabbed a Tupperware box from one of the Staff that had my name on it. It had a new green toothbrush, cheap fluoride toothpaste, roll on deodorant, and a comb in it. It was all free and it was better than what I had had in jail so I was thrilled. I went back to my room and brushed my teeth for the first time in a month in the silver sink attached to my toilet. Then went and returned the box to the staff member who gave it to me. Then I went back to my room, where I soon fell asleep. It had been a long day adjusting to life in Mendota, and I was unsure what tomorrow would bring

The next day I woke up to a knock on my big steel door. The breakfast trays were on the unit and the staff were already at my room with a tray waiting to be handed to me. I jumped out of bed groggily and took the tray from their outstretched hand. I was excited to find 6 pancakes, syrup, Cheerios, and two cartons of milk. I gobbled it down quickly and thoroughly enjoyed it. I was seventeen so I was lucky to get three pancakes more than everybody else, because I was on a double portion diet. All the juveniles are provided extra portion size.

After the trays were done, I came out of my room to discover hygiene time happens after breakfast too. So, I checked out my toothbrush and brushed my teeth. After that I was prompted to go to the medication window and take the anti-psychotic pills i was currently prescribed. I took them and hoped I would get high from them but that was not the case, they weren’t that kind of pill.

After breakfast I noticed a new face on the unit and what an interesting face it was. Sitting in the dayroom watching the news was a 6’’2’’ black man, with 2 pig tails shooting straight from his head 4 inches or so like alien antenna, and tattoos all over his face. The tattoos were one of the Superman logos on his left cheek, beast mode written in script on his forehead, and a mortal combat character on his other cheek. He looked a little intimidating but turns out he was very friendly. I asked him what his name was. He said “yo I’m Ron Rizzle. I’m the best rapper alive. Wanna hear a rap.” I said “Sure”. And he took out a small notebook and started yelling” Yo yo yo, its me again, Ron Rizzle. I’m bout my money and I get it in the streets. I’m the strawberry breast milk drinker, best rapper alive, on my mother fucking money scroll, on my money scroll, on my money scroll...”. And he would have kept rapping but a staff member named Laurie came rushing into the dayroom from the bubble and said” NO RAPPING”. Ron Rizzle argued with her for a little bit, and she said” you can either go to your room or stop rapping.” Ron decided to stop but was kind of mad. Laurie was the only female staff member for the most part on SATU. She was a 50 something tall blonde lady that would flirt with a lot of the guys she liked on the unit but I think she felt she had something to prove being one of the few female staff members on SATU.

Darnell came in to the dayroom and Ron Rizzle said” damnnn it’s my cuz!” Apparently, Darnell and Ron Rizzle were cousins, but I think not by blood. They shook up and hugged each other a little bit, and started talking about things like how’s Auntie Kathy, and Grams, etc. After that, Ron Rizzle Asked Darnell how to use the phone here. Turns out you get 1 fee phone call per day, otherwise you have to buy phone cards. Ron Rizzle went and asked at the bubble through the request window for a phone book. You can only ask for things at certain times like the first 15 minutes after the hour otherwise the staff will refuse to do anything for you. Luckily for Rizzle, it was 10:08 and he was within request time. He checked out the phone book and asked to make a phone call. The free call is dialed out by the staff. He perused the phone book for a while and then went back to the window and had the staff dial a number. I walked by him on the phone and overheard a strange conversation. It went something like this “hey baby I’ll fuck you from behind so good all you gotta do is bail me outta here. I will put it in you deep and have you moaning all night long...”. I was walking by trying to pretend I didn’t hear any of that but Rizzle just smiled and kept talking dirty to whoever it was. Turns out who it was he would call is the office of Oprah Winfrey and the White House which was under Barrack Obama at the time, and talk dirty to the female secretaries who would answer. He would beg them to bail him out and talk dirty hoping to get his cash bail paid. After a little while of this he was banned from using the phone by the staff.

So, without the phone calls to keep Rizzle busy he had a lot of free time on his hands and he went to work on some art projects. He checked out from the window scissors, markers, and paper. A staff member had to be in the room while he used the scissors. So Rizzle went to work quickly. I came back a little while later to see what he had made. When I walked into the dayroom, I saw Ron Rizzle talking on a paper cell phone. He said” hold on Richie Rich I’m on the phone wit my plug”. he then hung up and said “Richie Rich what up. I got a pound for you for 4 grand. That’s a steal.” I said “Rizzle I got no money”. He said “No problem, I’ll front you.” And he pulled out a stack of multi-colored paper homemade 100-dollar bills with his smiling face on it. He counted out four thousand fake dollars and said “here Richie Rich”. I said” No Thanks” and Rizzle then pulled out a paper laptop and started typing while he said “I gotta handle some business here.” Then he pulled out his fake paper cell phone and said” here weigh these rocks for me”. He produced three bagged up pieces of paper that looked like crack from a far. I went along with the facade and weighed his little rock’s. I said “you got three dime bags here Rizzle”. He said “good now open one up”. So, I did as I was told and broke the bag and pulled out and unfurled a fortune cookie size piece of paper. On it I realized there was writing. It said best rapper alive, the strawberry breast milk drinking king. I couldn’t help myself and let a little laugh out. Rizzle just smiled and said “you can keep that one Richie Rich