The Color Black

(The beginning according to Zion)

Zion

My name is Prince Zion King.

I don’t go by Prince, for obvious reasons. I’ve already heard every joke there is about my name, so don’t even try. Everyone calls me Zion, except for my mother. She will go down into her grave calling me by my first name. She claims that she gave me my name for a reason—a reason that she never explained to me. Perhaps she envisioned herself as some kind of queen. If you knew my mother you would know what I mean.

My life was what some would call “privileged”. Both my father and my mother graduated from college, graduate school, and medical school. My father went on to become a physician, earning his medical degree in psychiatry. My mother was a professor. She taught African American literature at the local university. I have one sister, Selah. Selah is much younger than me. It is as if my parents had her after they realized that their only son wasn’t exactly what they were expecting. Perhaps they thought they would try again. I think they got what they wanted the second time around. It wouldn’t surprise me if they had a baby genetically altered for them, a guaranteed ten. Selah excelled in every way. She was enrolled in boarding school full time by the time she was ten. She came home only on holidays. She was growing up to be a proper heiress. Heiress to what, you ask? To the King Kingdom. It was as real as it was fake. It existed in the minds of my parents, just as it existed in the minds of every wealthy American.

Selah and I were close, as close as two siblings could be that only saw each other a few times a year. For whatever reason she adored me, and I loved that she adored me. She never saw any faults in me. She made me happy. She was funny and sweet. And loving. She got all of the good traits of my father and none of my mother’s uptightness. It was some kind of fluke. She was both brilliant and kind. You can see why I suspected a Petri disk child.

I met Joilah when I was seventeen. Of the many girls I’d met in my short life span, most of them were one dimensional—they were all either obsessed with their looks or obsessed with money. Or worse, they were obsessed with both. I could count on one hand the number of women I met that were genuinely good people. So, you can see why I didn’t think much of Joilah before I met her. Sice Taral was popular with the ladies. He usually dated the most superficial girls that he could find. He wasn’t at all interested in finding his soul mate. He was after one thing, and he always got it, eventually.

There were plenty of girls that were willing to take their clothes off for Taral. He had this type of swagger about him that drove girls mad. He didn’t even have to try. Grown women became weak when he entered a room. I think Taral even fucked a teacher or two. Seriously. There were rumors that his female teachers gave him A’s because they just couldn’t resist his charm. Some claimed that the teachers did his homework for him, or altered his homework so that he passed flawlessly. While I was sure that some of the rumors were inflated, I was also sure that some were true. And it didn’t stop with the female teachers. The male teachers were just as enamored, but for didn’t reasons. Taral was one of those few people born to play any sport. He excelled in whatever he attempted physically. So, in order to keep Taral playing without interruption, the male teachers also gave him an easy A. This only contributed to Taral’s already massively inflated ego. This kid thought and acted as though he was some type of god. It was all extremely irritating, but also very very entertaining.

He didn’t talk about Joilah the way he talked about other girls. I noticed this quickly. He usually spoke very bluntly about women. He would plainly state what he liked about each woman that passed by, as well as what he did not like. He knew what to say to women when he wanted their attention. And when he was no longer interested, he dropped them easily. He did not care about feelings or absurd emotions like love. He never really fell for any of them. I used to think that he wasn’t capable of being in a real relationship. I thought that he would turn out to be a lifelong bachelor, which really would be for the best. I pitied all the girls that cried over that man. While they wept bitterly staring hopefully at photos of him wondering where they went wrong, he never gave them a second thought.

None of them mattered except for her. I realized once I met Joilah that he never became serious with any of his admirers because he already had what he wanted. None of the girls measured up to Joilah. Joilah was an angel.

Even though he did not talk about Joilah in the same crude way that he spoke about all other females, I never imagined that she was the most important person in his life. I figured that she was just some girl that he was fucking that somehow put a spell on him. I had it all wrong, however. He wasn’t sleeping with Joilah then. She was almost like his sister or his daughter even. He protected her like she was in grave danger. I thought it was odd, but I never mentioned it to Taral. It was clear by the way he acted around her that Joilah was a very sensitive subject to him. It took him months just to let me meet her, so I knew better than to make any off-color comments. I could tell that he didn’t let many people in. I was one of few. And even though he’d known me for a long time, he still made me pass a ‘background check’ of sorts before I could get anywhere near her.

He asked me my thoughts about women, which I thought was pretty backward considering his behavior towards them. He asked me who had access to my house, as if we were the type of people to let anyone with a nice smile have the house codes. And even if I did, they would never make it past security. He asked me if I trusted my father. That question surprised me. I didn’t understand why he thought there was a possibility that I didn’t trust my father. He knew my father, he saw him regularly and interacted with him almost daily. He had many questions about my father and about his work. It began to make me uneasy. Did Taral know something incriminating about my father? I told myself that he couldn’t possibly. My father was well respected in the community, as was my mother. I was being paranoid. Taral was just covering his bases. For whatever reason, one of his bases had to do with my father’s integrity.

Finally, he brought Joilah to meet me after basketball practice one day. I guess I passed his preliminary exam. I don’t know what I was expecting, but what I saw explained Taral’s hesitation.

She was stunning. The first thing I noticed were her eyes. They were strikingly bright, a very intense shade of blue. They were not like any shade of blue that I ever saw before. Against her olive skin, they were extraordinary. They actually made me blush. I found myself staring into them a little too long. I couldn’t help it, they were hypnotic. When Taral cleared his throat, I found the strength to look away. Evidently, he was used to people gazing a little too long into Joilah’s baby blues and having to rouse them out of their stupor.

There was something else very remarkable about her. It was impossible to tell her ethnicity. If I had to guess I would say eastern European combined with some exotic island descent, but I wasn’t any good at that sort of thing.

Standing next to Sice Taral, who was easily over six feet tall at the time, Joilah seemed very small, just barely over five feet. She was wearing an oversized sweatshirt, faded blue jeans that hugged her body perfectly, and red high-top converse sneakers. She had a perfectly round face, spotted with a couple small moles, and a small button nose. Her hair was dark and curly. The spiral curls fell over her eyes and draped her neck. She had studs in her ears, diamonds. I knew without much guessing that Taral bought them for her. He seemed to have money growing on trees. I knew better than to ask him how. Everyone knew who his brother was.

Taral was holding Joilah’s hand, which I thought was rather comical. Taral was not at all the type of guy to hold a girl’s hand in public. Or in private for that matter. I chuckled to myself, thinking he was definitely whipped. And for good reason. Those eyes. That skin. What beauty. It felt like a sin to look at her.

“So it’s alright if she hangs out with us tonight?” Taral asked me.

I felt a lump in my throat. I tried not to miss a beat as I shrugged and said, “I don’t care.” I just met the girl, and now she was coming over? I had to get my infatuation for her under control quickly. This beautiful girl would soon be in my home.

Joilah gave me a half smile, and then looked the other way. I felt my heart speed up a little. Her smile. She was gorgeous.

“So, are you going to speak? He’s gonna think you’re rude, Joie.” Taral said to Joilah. It was like a parent directing their child.

Instinctively I attempted to step in. I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed.

I said, “I don’t think she’s—you’re rude.” I cursed at myself inside my head. I don’t think you’re rude? Couldn’t I have thought of something else to say?

There was another awkward pause before Joilah said, “So you’re the rich guy that Taral always talks about?”

I was so stunned at her flawless beauty that it took me a minute to register that she was talking to me. Her voice was soft, feminine. The tone was comforting, easy on the ears.

“….Yeah, I guess that’s me. So you must be the hot girl that Taral—”

“—C’mon, man.” Taral shoved me. “Shut up and take us to your house.”

I stopped staring at Joilah and finally came back down to earth. I said playfully to Joilah, “Does he boss you around like that too?” Really, I just wanted her to look at me again.

She didn’t reply. She looked up at me and smiled, which was exactly what I was hoping she would do. Her smile melted me inside. It was so natural, so effortless. I’d never seen anything like it. Not to mention her eyes…

I smiled back at her, slightly in a trance. Something about Joilah told me that I would come to know her very well, and that she would change my life. I was right.

After giving Joilah the tour of my house, which took some time, Sice Taral announced that he had to leave. Joilah didn’t seem to be surprised. I was. Joilah remained in her seat and looked around as if Taral leaving her with me was no big deal.

I followed Taral to the door. He asked me quietly, “Can she stay here?”

His question took me by surprise. I had to pause for a minute to wrap my mind around what Taral was asking of me. I decided that I didn’t hear him correctly. Surely I didn’t.

“What?”

“Can she stay here? I’ve got to do a few things, and I can’t take her with me. I know she’ll be safe here.”

She’ll be safe here?

I shrugged my shoulders and attempted to come off as nonchalant. “You know I don’t care. When are you coming back?” I wondered if my expression was giving away the fact that I was in shock. Taral was about to leave his treasured girlfriend at my house. What was I supposed to do with her?

Taral’s gaze drifted to the floor. I knew what that meant. He was about to lie to me. He never was able to lie to me face to face. He said that I resembled my father too much. My father, the psychiatrist, who loved to pick Taral’s brain. Taral told me once that he thought my father could read his mind. I remember thinking that was hilarious. Nothing was hilarious right then, however. It bothered me that Taral was about to lie to me and put me in a very uncomfortable situation with a person that I’d only heard about and knew meant the world to him. I figured that it had something to do with whatever it was that was distracting him lately. He wasn’t the same. He wasn’t even coming to school or going to basketball practice regularly. Whatever it was, I hoped that he would deal with it and refocus before he got kicked off the basketball team. I was more worried about us winning the division championship than about his behavior. I figured that it was more family drama, as he had his fair share of it. I had no idea how serious his situation was.

“I’ll be by in the morning. Is that alright?”

I appreciated that he was attempting to keep the lies to a minimum. It made me want to help him. Even if helping him meant that I would have to endure a little discomfort and minor embarrassment.

“You know I don’t mind…it’s alright with her folks?”

Taral waved his hand as if to imply that my question was ridiculous. He began to walk away and then he stopped himself. “Hey. Talk to her for me, ok?”

“Talk to her?”

“She’s acting strange. She won’t tell me anything. You know how to talk to people.”

“I don’t know her, Taral.” I hoped that he didn’t think that I could work miracles. I had no idea what he needed me to talk to her about. I didn’t know anything about Joilah at all save the little tidbits he fed me when he was in a good mood.

Taral paused and looked me in the eyes. “Tell me you’ll talk to her. It’s important to me.”

He was serious. I shifted my weight to my other foot. “I don’t mind talking to her, Taral. It’s just weird. We just met.”

“I know. Just…try, ok?”

“Of course. Anything in particular…?”

“…just…just talk to her. Get her to tell you something, anything. Something is wrong, I can’t figure it out. She’s just…different. I don’t know what to do.”

“…yeah, sure. I’ll see what I can do. Just don’t…I’m not a miracle worker, ok? I’m not my father. But, I will try.”

Taral nodded. “Thank you. ‘Night.”

I said goodnight back and watched as Taral walked out the front door and disappeared into the semi-darkness towards the garage lot. It made me happy that he trusted me completely with his girlfriend, but I was nervous that neither he nor Joilah seemed to think that her staying at my house overnight was a big deal. I hoped that Taral didn’t leave her with others. I knew it was unlikely. I knew some of his other friends, and if he had waited months before letting me meet Joilah, surely he would not casually leave her with just anyone. Right?

“When did you meet Taral?”

Joilah and I were sitting in the game room. Joilah appeared to like this room. I watched as her eyes investigated every computer and HD screen. She looked fascinated. I told myself to remember to ask her if she wanted to play something later.

“In kindergarten.”

It took me a minute to register what she was talking about. I remembered that I had asked her where she met Taral. I refocused.

“You’re kidding.” I said in answer. I tried to appear interested in what she was saying. But I was way more interested in her. She was fascinating to me. I was transfixed.

“He came up to me and asked me what my name was.”

I laughed. “Well, he is bold.”

Joilah nodded. She bit her bottom lip and continued to stare at the floor. I was trying my hardest not to be threatening. But really how un-threatening could I be? I just met Joilah and now it appeared that she was going to be sleeping over. She had to be nervous. I knew I was.

And what about her family? Taral never said anything to me about them. Didn’t she have to report to them about where she was? I decided to ask her later. I knew in my case; my father would definitely want to know who this young lady was. Because my father was a public figure, there were cameras all over our mansion. I knew he was home. And I knew that he most likely spotted her hours ago. I would have some explaining to do in the morning.

“How did you meet him?” Once again, I am shaken from my thoughts. She was speaking to me. I reveled at the chance to stare at her again.

“He tried out for the varsity basketball team when he was in the eighth grade. Set a record. He came up to me too. Told me that he heard I was ‘rich’. I thought he was hilarious.”

Joilah looked up at me and gave me a smile. I smiled back, trying not to blush. I couldn’t figure out why I was falling so hard for her so quickly. I didn’t know her at all.

“Where are your parents?” She asked me abruptly.

“My dad’s a doctor, and my mother is a professor. Sometimes they don’t come home until late.” I’m not sure why I told her a lie. I knew exactly where my parents were. Maybe I wanted her to think we were alone.

She nodded again and went back to staring at her hands. I glanced at the clock. It was almost two in the morning. I could feel my eyes getting heavy. I wondered if she knew that Taral wasn’t coming back for her.

“You know, Taral said he wasn’t coming back until morning. You’re welcome to stay here.”

Joilah hesitated. “Ok…where should I sleep?”

“Uh, anywhere. There’s a spare bedroom on my floor. Or you could sleep in Taral’s room. He never sleeps in there, so it should be clean.”

“Taral has a room here?”

“Yeah. Should be clean.”

Joilah paused again. “Do you mind if I take a shower?”

“Of course not. Let me show you were one is.”

I stood and motioned for Joilah to follow me. As we made our way to one of my home’s many showers, I felt uneasy.

A complete stranger was about to sleep in my house. Not just any stranger, but my best friend’s girlfriend. The whole idea was ludicrous. I prayed I didn’t embarrass myself irreparably.

“Zion?”

I jumped. I wasn’t sleeping, but I was intensely day dreaming about my predicament and I didn’t expect to hear a strange voice calling me outside my bedroom door. Something is wrong. I tried to collect my thoughts. What day was it? What time? Slowly, I remembered. Joilah. I remembered her vivid blue eyes. I felt warm all over, and my heart skipped a beat. I wanted to see her. I knew absolutely nothing about her, but that didn’t bother me at all. I felt strangely comfortable with her and uncomfortable at the same time. I knew that she was good, like one knows that puppies are good. I knew that she didn’t judge. I only feared what I didn’t have experience in. I only wanted her to like me.

“Zion?” Again, she called me. Her voice was hesitant, weak. She said my name like it tasted sour on her tongue.

“…Joilah?” Her name didn’t roll off my tongue either. It was strange pronouncing it. Who was the girl, really?

“…are you sleeping?”

“…no. You ok?” Still, my brain felt foggy. I wondered if I was dreaming.

“…can I come in?”

I paused longer than I intended to. I wasn’t even sure if I heard her question correctly. I wasn’t sure of anything at the moment.

“…um, yeah…give me a minute. I’ll be right there…” I fumbled around my bedroom as if I had never been in it before. What was happening? Was I really talking to this girl that I barely knew? Where was Taral? Why did he leave her with me? What could be wrong with her? Why did she want to come into my room? Was this some type of set up? Nothing felt right or even felt normal.

I tried to piece together what little information I had about Joilah. I knew that she was different, but I couldn’t place exactly what was so different about her. Taral was extremely fond of her, although I wasn’t sure how far their relationship went. She didn’t seem to have parents, or at least none that cared about her whereabouts. She was super quiet, and she seemed unusually nervous. Plus, there was the fact that Taral basically made me swear to “talk” to her. Whatever that meant. I shook my head in frustration.

I realized that I was lying in my bed with nothing but my boxers on. Quickly I got up, and rushed around my bedroom trying to find a pair of pants. Even though I couldn’t see Joilah, I could feel her anxiety. I wondered what was wrong. I wondered what I didn’t know about her. I wondered if letting her into my bedroom in the middle of the night was a good idea. She didn’t seem like she was trouble, but who was I to judge? I had to hurry up. I felt like Joilah was waiting for me to open the door for hours.

I hesitated before I opened the door. I told myself to chill the fuck out several times. Maybe she just needed to know where the kitchen was. Maybe she was trying to find more blankets. It could all be nothing, and I was getting myself worked up. I took a deep breath. I opened the door.

She stood in front of me wearing only a t shirt, obviously one of Sice Taral’s. I could see through it. I could see…everything. Her small frame was lost inside of Taral’s XXL t shirt. It was lost, but it wasn’t invisible. I had to force myself to look away. She was beautiful.

“What’s up?” I asked. My voice came out slightly higher than I wanted it to. I tried so hard to focus my eyes on her face only. She didn’t seem to notice my struggle.

Instead it is Joilah who seemed to be struggling. I noticed that she was not looking at me at all, but rather she was looking down at the floor. I watched as she began to pick the skin around her fingernails, possibly a nervous tick of hers. I wondered what was making her so anxious. Was it me? I tried to relax my face. I felt an overwhelming desire to console her, to take her in my arms even. To hold her hand like Taral was earlier that day. I could feel that she needed comfort. That was it. She was afraid. Of course! I wondered why I didn’t think of it right away. She was in a strange place. Not just any strange place, but a huge mansion that had multiple levels and so many rooms. I should have offered to take her home long ago. I felt like an idiot. I hoped that she could forgive my oversight.

“Do you want me to take you home?” I tried to remember where I put my car keys. I looked around my room frantically. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think to ask you before. I can take you home if you want.” My gaze landed back on Joilah. She was shaking her head no emphatically as if going home was the worst possible destination.

“No. I, um…I don’t want to go home…it’s just…I can’t sleep…in there.” Still she was looking at the ground.

“You can’t sleep?” I hoped that I heard her correctly, her voice was so faint. Something told me that I was missing something obvious again.

I could barely hear what she said next. She spoke so subtly I had to lean in to comprehend it all.

“I get really nervous…in places I’ve never been. I should have told you before…”

I tried my hardest to understand what she was saying. Nervous…in places she’s never been…did she want to sleep in my room? Did she want me to stay with her until she fell asleep? Did she want me to call Sice Taral? Why was she so emphatic about not wanting to go home?

“Well…” I try to figure out how to phrase my response. I didn’t want to sound like a pervert. I couldn’t think of a way not to sound like a pervert.

“Can I sleep in here?” Joilah looked up at me. Her face was soft and innocent. She wasn’t trying to get me in trouble. She was truly frightened. She seemed so much smaller then, child-like. My mind flashed back to seeing Taral holding her hand. I understood it now. She was delicate. She needed support. I was drawn to her vulnerability. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to figure out what was making her uneasy and shut it down immediately. I wanted to fix her.

Again, I tried not to hesitate. I didn’t want her to think that I was unsure. “…yeah, of course. You can sleep on my couch...”

“No.” Joilah’s answer made me stop everything that I was rehearsing in my head. I wasn’t expecting to hear her say no. She continued, “With you. Can I sleep in here with you? In your bed.”

I tried not to show how surprised I was. Sleep with me? In my bed? I had barely known this girl for twelve hours. Surely she didn’t mean what I thought she was implying.

Joilah noticed my reaction. “Never mind...” She turned to leave.

“No!” I grabbed her arm without thinking. “I don’t mind. Forgive me. I’ve never had anyone ask me…I just don’t want you to think I’m trying to…I don’t know what to say…I have no problem with you…of course you can…um…” Words were spilling out my mouth. I was thinking too hard. I had no idea what I was saying. I must have looked like a fool.

Joilah glanced at my hand on her arm. I felt her tense. Quickly, I removed it. She seemed to relax. I noted that she didn’t like my hand on her arm. It bothered me, but I didn’t have time to process it. I was about to apologize to her when she spoke first.

“I don’t think that. I would never think that about you. I can tell that you’re…a good person.” She peered into my eyes. Again, I found myself staring. Her eyes were warm and consoling. And so fucking blue. I’d never seen anyone with eyes like hers. I was sure of it.

I stumbled to form my next words. I was speaking, but I wasn’t sure if my words were making any sense. It’s so hard for me to talk and stare into her irises at the same time.

“Good, because I would never…I’m not like that at all.”

“I know. I can tell. I know I can trust you. Taral said that I could trust you.”

Again, I was at a loss for words. Her words meant so much, and yet she said so little. I wanted to thank her, but I knew that would sound silly. So I just sort of stood there for several seconds. I wasn’t sure how to invite her into my bed. I felt like a total jack ass. Once she was in my bed, was I supposed to hold her? So many questions and scenarios were running through my mind at an alarming rate. It was making me dizzy.

Finally I managed to mumble, “c-come inside.”

Joilah walked past me quietly. She was so small and discreet, she seemed to walk on air. As she floated past, my nostrils filled with the heavenly scent of her soap and perfume. Whatever she bathed in, it was extremely pleasant. It was light and feminine. Pure and sweet. Like the smell of flowers in the sun or like the smell of a newborn baby’s skin. Intoxicating.

When I turned around, Joilah was curled up in my bed with her eyes closed. I walked quietly to the other side of the bed and gently got inside. I was so afraid that I was going to do something stupid. I realized that I was holding my breath.

I exhaled. I tried to calm myself. It was impossible. I could feel the heat coming off Joilah’s body. Never had there been a woman in my bed before. I was truly freaking out. I closed my eyes and prayed for the sunrise. It couldn’t come fast enough.

“Zion?”

I woke up suddenly. At some point I finally drifted off to sleep. I tried to remember where I was and who was calling me. I didn’t recognize the voice.

“Zion?”

Joilah. I remembered. The thought of her made me smile and tingle inside. I felt a little guilty about smiling and tingling. She was Sice Taral’s girl. I could never see her as anything else.

I cleared my throat. I didn’t want the high pitched tone to escape again. “Yes? I’m awake.”

I felt her move closer to me. “Can you hold me?”

Her question made me nervous but excited. I wanted to hold her. I prayed that I sounded sure of myself. Inside, my mind was raging. I never did this before. “Of course. Come here.”

In milliseconds, Joilah was right next to me. I wrapped my arms around her, and she snuggled against my chest. Her body was incredibly soft and warm. Her hair brushed against my chin. It was still wet. Once again, the refreshing aroma of her bath soap filled my nostrils. I was in heaven. I really couldn’t believe what was happening. I really, really couldn’t believe what was happening. There was a girl in my bed. She was beautiful. I was holding her. I couldn’t believe my luck.

My mind shifted, and I noticed that she was shivering. I asked, “Are you cold?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I was dreaming.”

“Oh. Bad dream?”

“Not really.”

“But you’re shivering.”

“I know. It always happens like that.”

“Always? You always shiver like this when you dream?”

“Most of the time.”

I thought about that. It didn’t make sense to me. I wanted to find out more. If they weren’t bad dreams, then why was she shivering? She seemed terrified.

“What are they about?” I inquired. I realized that I was being nosy, so I said, “You don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s alright, I don’t mind.” She shifted next to me, and immediately fresh goosebumps erupted all over my body. Her body was so soft and warm against my skin. Her smell was intoxicating. Again I reminded myself that she was Sice Taral’s girl. He would kill me if he knew what I was thinking. If he knew what I was doing.

Joilah’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “It’s the same dream all the time,” she said referring to her dream.

I paused. “Really?” The same dream?

“Yeah.”

“The exact same dream?”

“Yes.”

“That’s…interesting. I’ve never heard of anyone having the same dream over and over.”

“You’ve never had the same dream more than once?”

“Well, I think so. But not the same dream exactly. It usually changes a little. It’s never exactly the same.”

“What does it mean? That I have the exact same dream?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll have to ask my father.”

“Your father…is he like you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Is he a good person?”

It struck me as odd that Joilah was claiming that I was a ‘good person’ even though she only knew me for a few hours. It made me wonder whether there was some telling sign on my person that I wasn’t aware of. What made a person appear ‘good’? I had no idea. I reasoned that maybe Joilah was being polite or maybe she was good at reading people. Was I a good person? Up until that moment, I never really thought of myself as one. Sure, I was good in a relative sense. But so was everybody. Right? I didn’t know many people that I would label as bad. Wasn’t everyone virtually good?

“…yeah. He’s cool. I think you would like him.”

Joilah paused. She shifted. I felt her move her leg over mine. Goosebumps once again exploded all over my body. I told myself to calm down. If I didn’t watch myself, I’d get an erection. That couldn’t happen. She would never trust me again. I couldn’t have her thinking that I was a pervert after all.

I forced my thoughts to alter. I noticed that Joilah was still shivering. I wrapped my arms tighter around her, and she snuggled closer, which I didn’t think was possible. It felt so nice to hold someone in that way. It felt nice to be needed. I felt powerful. I never felt that way before.

“Joilah?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“I’m just scared.”

“The dream?”

“…no…the window.”

“The window?” This girl continued to both amaze and confuse me. I wondered what was wrong now.

“Yes.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just have this thing about windows.”

“...I can close the curtains.” What else could I do? Once again I felt that I was inadequate.

“It’s ok. If you hold me, I’ll be ok.”

So I continued to hold Joilah, thinking about her phobia of windows. I made another mental note to ask my father about it. Eventually, I could feel Joilah’s breathing begin to settle. I tried matching my breathing with hers; something my father would always tell me to do when I was little. It always put me right to sleep. After several minutes, Joilah’s breathing became slow and deep. I praised myself for doing something right. I tried to rest and eventually I fell asleep. It was the worst best sleep I ever had.