Secret

It was the worst day of my life, but it was the day that changed everything. Sitting here on my living room floor, I continue to relive the misery that has unfolded over the past few days. I had just been laid off from my job at Infinity Plus Bank after 5 long years of dedication. It had nothing to do with my performance, I was assured. But after months of deliberation, the big boss on top decided to restructure my department, rendering my position in the company obsolete. “It’s just business”, I was told.

Leaving work that day I felt numb and completely lost. I had no idea what I was going to do. I had countless bills that I was barely able to manage and I was already drowning in debt. I lived in a tiny but cozy one bedroom apartment with the love of my life. Cameron and I had been together since I was a junior in college and he was a senior. It was a whirlwind romance from the very beginning and after 15 years of marriage, he still took my breath away. I could not wait to curl up beside him and tell him about my awful day as we sipped wine. He was my peace during the storm.

Something felt wrong as soon as I stepped into our apartment. Terribly wrong. Some of our belongings were missing. Have we been robbed? The look on Cameroon’s face answered my question immediately. He was holding a couple of garbage bags in his hand and he shifted from one leg to the next nervously. His eyes barely met mine as he mumbled, “Baby, we need to talk”.

Cameron, the love of my life, was in love with somebody else. He had fallen out of love with me over a year ago, but “cared” for me deeply and tried to make it work. In the end, however, he met someone else and wanted to start a new life with her. They had something special apparently, something he never had with me. He wanted to take their relationship to the next level and was leaving me for her, leaving me all alone to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart. It felt like an elephant was standing on my chest and it was hard to breathe.

Tears streamed down my face as I struggled to find the words to say. A mixture of hurt, disappointment and anger rendered me speechless and I was left standing completely dumbfounded and confused. He looked at me one last time with pity in his eyes which made me burn with intense rage. The air was thick between us as he walked out the door grabbing the rest of his belongings, his car keys, and his little black book.

That was three days ago, but not much has changed since then. I have been sitting here on my living room floor for hours. Nothing makes sense anymore. The apartment feels empty and unfamiliar, as if I am a stranger here. I take another swig from my bottle of wine as I watch the rain drops slide down my window. There is something magical and soothing about it and I am completely entranced. The TV plays quietly in the background. Although I am not watching anything in particular, the sounds coming from the TV breaks the deafening silence that has been plaguing me all weekend.

The bottle of wine that I was drinking is empty now. As I reach for another, I realize that I have no more wine left. In fact, there are no more bottles of wine left in the apartment. When did I finish it all? I completely lost count of how much I have been drinking, and I do not care. I have nowhere to be anytime soon.

I cannot bare to sit here in this empty apartment a moment longer. It feels as though the walls are closing in on me and I am constantly gasping for air. I need to get out of here now. Grabbing my car keys, I race out of the apartment and down the stairs to the garage to get my car. I know that I should not be driving in this state, but I desperately need air. Besides, it is early morning, and most people are sleeping soundly at home.

The clock on my car radio reads 1:12 AM. The road is completely empty, and the rain is falling gently. I will take a quick drive around the block and come straight home afterwards. I always enjoy driving around late at night when nobody else is awake. The stillness of the world invigorates me, and although I am completely alone, I do not feel lonely. It is rather a freeing and comforting feeling. Cruising down the road with my windows halfway down and the raindrops gently caressing my cheek, the tightness in my chest begins to disappear. I take a deep breath and hold it in for several seconds before releasing it. I can breathe again.

I look quickly at my car radio as I drive by Infinity Plus Bank. I am surprised to see that it is 3:47 AM. I had no idea I had been out so long. Where did the time go? In an instant, my car hits something hard. There is a crushing sound beneath me as I run over whatever I had just hit. I am driving so fast that it takes me a few seconds to bring the car to a full stop.

I am in complete shock and I freeze into place for what seems like an eternity. Looking back into my rear-view mirror I am unable to see clearly. It is raining heavily now, and a thick fog is beginning to set in. I exit my car with caution. I do not know when I stopped breathing, but my body finally takes the breath it desperately needed. The front of my car has blood everywhere. Not just blood, there is hair as well. I hope that I am only imagining this horrific scene in front of me, but I know that I am not. There is too much blood.

Looking behind me to where I had just driven, I see a lifeless figure sprawled recklessly in the middle of the road. Without realizing that I had moved, I find myself standing above the stranger that I had just hit. The young man laying down before me seems rather young, barely out of his teens. He is wearing a black sweater, black track pants and black sneakers with the white adidas logo. There is a black backpack nearby, it must belong to him.

I rush over quickly to search for his I.D., but nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see. His backpack is filled to the brim with stacks of money. There must be hundreds, if not thousands of dollars in here. Who is this mysterious man, and where did he get all this money?

Suddenly I snap out of my stupor and realize that I need to get out of here fast. But I cannot just leave his lifeless body in the middle of the road like some dead animal. And then again, there is no way that I am going to call the police now. I have been drinking all night and speeding, a definite prison sentence for sure. But I need to get rid of the body somehow.

I manage to pull him into the backseat of my car and drive out of town, down by the lake where I use to vacation with my family as a child. My mind is completely blank. I am not thinking, I am only reacting. Trying to undo my wrongs and eliminate the evidence is my only priority right now.

When I finally arrive by the lake it is completely desolate. Most of the seasonal residents must have already returned home to the city. I drag the body out of the backseat of my car and throw it over the bridge. I can hear my blood pulsing through me as the body disappears beneath the black water. What THE HELL did I get myself into? I jump into my car and speed off, rushing away from the scene. I have to get as far away as possible from this terrible thing that I just did, and never look back. As I drive down the empty road, the rain begins to pour down harder attempting to wash away the sins of the night.

As I enter my apartment, I rush over to the living room and dump the contents of the backpack on the floor. I count the stacks of cash carefully, and then I count again. There is a total of $20, 000.00 of cold hard cash in the backpack. The only other things I find is a stick of gum and a Nokia cellphone that is password protected. But there is still nothing here to identify him. Who was this guy? And what was he doing with all this money?

Suddenly, something on the TV catches my eye. “BREAKING NEWS: Robbery at Infinity Plus Bank” flashes across the screen. According to the news report, Infinity Plus Bank was robbed earlier this morning. There are three alleged suspects; one of whom is being detained by police, but the two other suspects have not been identified. A total sum of $60,000 was stolen from the bank. The authorities are asking anyone with any information to please come forward.

So many questions swim around in my mind. Should I surrender the money to the police, further incriminating myself? Or should I keep this information secret and get rid of the money somehow? As I mull over the different possibilities in my head, the Nokia cellphone begins to ring.