Rebirth

Harold. W. Morris; Derrick. F. Torres, Regina. R. Copeland and Frederick. L. Moore; four names yet to answer for what had been done. Money in all four accounts was paid out in steady increments over the course of two years, money that would be so minute that anyone with blue blood would not see it fit to exhibit additional diligence, let alone concern. Having studied the salient figures in front, it would add up to nearly twenty-thousand US dollars and cause the undoubted downfall of four senior executives who never had the good sense to see it coming. This money was as red as the diamonds it could be used to buy, its only purpose was to further the unquenchable greed of a man who was denounced of compassion and humility; that man was my stepfather. James Christopher Callahan was a tax consultant for H.P Lewis in Chicago; he had given them five years before deciding that he was the one who warranted what they had and that obtaining it was justified by his apathy for a menial life and a family that he never asked for. I was a part of that family, adopted after the steel of a needle removed the stain that would be my mother; ever the samaritan James was keen to prove to his now deceased sister that he was always the success and that her emphatic demise was a fitting end to the life of a junkie. However, my only role was clear, I was the succession to his family, I would carry on the conservative mind-set held in this parasites mind that only men could lead; that his two daughters were nothing more than housewives in the making and quickly it would become apparent that I was his heir.

The money was not for me though, that was James’ escape plan, for I was the furthest thing from an heir and James knew that and he knew that eventually the second family he absconded in Iowa would eventually catch up with him and he knew that his wife Deidre would only increase in suspicion as the late night phone calls and increasingly lavish luxuries began to mount up. Therefore he decided a re-do was in order and James’ plan was thus, to take the money he had embezzled after two hard years of deception and deposit it; seemingly as a sweepstakes win or large casino jackpot, into whatever bank he could find, knowing full well that Deidre would never see it. He would then of course head to the nearest airport and depart for Singapore, the women there always took James’ fancy and there would never be any call to look for him there. Over the next two months officials would arrest four executives who would have no recourse in denying that they were at the forefront of a reasonably sized embezzlement scam, after all these were all friends so it was more than likely that this was merely a well thought out scheme between them and could serve as a second pension in time; James knew this and what James knew was that even if authority sought after him there was nothing that could incriminate him, no signatures and no further evidence. Except for one little black book. Inside this book James monitored what came from where and made sure that the same small amounts were removed consistently, as to almost appear as a direct debit perhaps so not to arise suspicion. This money could have been the efforts of Harold’s shoe loving wife or Regina’s “Home Shopping Network” loving husband Paul or maybe even Fredericks smartphone crazed daughter Emily, after all who would ever suspect a mere tax consultant working on the fourth floor? And James knew this, his scheme was full-proof; once the final withdrawals were taken he could burn that book and gone would be the insecurity of fearing that it could ever slip out of his pocket or that he may leave it on the seat of a cab, James would finally be free of any worries that may manifest in his mind, he would be free of his family and his shortcomings in life and he would begin anew while all of those who ever knew him would suffer as a result.

James never doubted for a second that this may go wrong and that he would lose sight of a rucksack graced to the brim with Franklins, let alone did he fear that his little black book would feature in the hands of the one person who would have no qualms in seeing him imprisoned for the next decade of life, that person was me. I was not in any way malicious nor hurtful, I was that small quiet English boy raised in a wealthy suburban American household…it was just that I was one step quicker than he was and that my future mattered more. I suppose it was inevitable, that I was to inherit the malice of the bastard I called my stepfather after all it was even present in my name however, my motives were not to hurt but merely to fulfil; to fulfil whatever I chose and whatever I desired. I sat at the back of a carriage, I held the bag between my feet and the book in my hands, I did not care for it however, it felt as if the two had come hand-in-hand with one another. My intentions were not yet clear though, James had always told me that I would be a degenerate and I suppose he was right and maybe he would be thinking that as he scoured the house looking for this little injustice stationed between my toes. I decided that I may wish to lose my virginity first, I had no idea where this train was headed but an escort would no doubt be near, at seventeen one would be embarrassed to be a virgin however, I never understood the appeal but nonetheless, I almost felt obliged to do so. Although it would seem a lot twenty thousand dollars would not get me far but, at least it would get me somewhere; despite a part of me wishing I had left some for my mothers and sisters, I felt that I deserved it more, they always had the things I didn’t, they had gifts and cars and fortune and now it was my turn.

I never really held any regrets in what I did, I was always devoid of emotion, strangely though this had always been present to me and I was not able to blame it on my stepfather. Having seen my mother’s demise as a child and enduring nothing but neglect I suppose I was quite the sob story however, I didn’t see it as that. I saw no reason to brandish my life with a tagline or to give people a reason to cry for me, I was merely a dumb child in their eyes no matter what my past… I do wonder what James thought of me now though, having left no note and no goodbye; I bet he didn’t even know I knew. That of course was his downfall, he was stupid in underestimating me, he had always seen the resentment I had for him and his feeble life and maybe that thought grew on him but, I didn’t care about that. Having been so close to his dreams coming to fruition he was careless, that object that he had done so well in hiding was now sitting above his dresser, out of the reach of his children and out of sight from Deidre. I can only guess that it was there for one reason, a quick getaway in the night should his door be brandished with the ominous knock of someone who may have caught on to what he was doing, had done. Unfortunately for him the next knock he would hear would be a police officer telling him that his step-son had never attended school that day, that he had sent several goodbye messages to his friends and that he would not be returning, of course when he heard this he would finally know.

I guessed that wherever I went there would be raised eyebrows, I was hardly an uncanny adult but rather a frail baby-faced boy with a constant look of disappointment on his face but, I would get by. I would head to the first hotel I saw, I didn’t really have a preference, as long as it would be discreet enough to sneak in a lady of the night should I find one. After I had “become a man” I pictured myself going to an airport as had James, although I quickly changed my mind. My future would be thus, I would lay low until my stepfathers case was over; if there even was one to be heard and he was behind bars or even dead and that I was presumed dead. Next I would depart for whichever remote town I had deemed fitting and begin my life anew, I could work in any accountancy office and I was more than capable of crunching numbers or being a secretary if necessary. To be honest, this didn’t concern me, I was finally free; I had everything I could want even though I desired nothing, I was able to go where I chose and finally find meaning in my life. Hopefully I would find meaning in myself, I would endure those emotions that those around me were lucky enough to feel and maybe in time I would feel bad for what I had done…maybe. But only one thing was apparent to me now and it was that wherever this train should next stop would be my new solace, a new home where I could lay my head and allow it to explode with all the imagination and dreams I could muster, diving deep within it to find my new purpose.

I could see lights in the distance now and it was a matter of moments before I would leave a new person, with a new home. I looked at the book that now rested in my hands and I tried to picture what emotions it had brought to James, whether it be hope or anxiety or joy, it did not matter to me; this was merely a glossary to me and I had no intention of reading it. Instead I did the first thing that came to my mind; I opened the train window and threw it out into the darkness, after all this meant nothing to me. I had no interest whether my stepfather suffered or not and whether he was caught for his crimes was beyond my interest. But all this would mean was that James would finally have to face the truth of his life, his family life would catch up to him and he would undoubtedly end up in a court room one way or another. Nonetheless this was not my concern anymore, that charade I had lived was over; as the train came into the station I could not see the writing on the sign and that excited me, an excitement that I was surprised to feel as I had never known such a joy in my life. I walked towards the carriage doors and then it hit me, that into this opaque darkness that I was to step, I would no longer be the boy who had been scorned and disappointing and hated. I was now free in every possible way and my journey could finally begin. The doors finally opened and as I approached the exit I said goodbye to the person I had been and entered into the one I chose to be and for the last time I said goodbye to my former self, goodbye to Edward James Callahan.