People Assume Woody Allen Is Guilty for One of Two Reasons, and Not the One You’d Expect

"I will never watch a Woody Allen film again."

My friend said to me as we were having lunch after a hike with our kids.

The subject came up because the five of us, two adults and three teens, started a conversation about whether one has to stop enjoying an artist's work after the artist makes an ignorant comment, a 280-character blunder on Twitter, or is charged with a serious crime or offense.

During previous similar conversations with older friends, Michael Jackson's name usually enters the debate because of his genius body of work. Does one have to give up listening to "Billie Jean," "Smooth Criminal," "I Want You Back," or "ABC"? How does one do that?

Our kids are too young to know the breadth of Michael Jackson's contribution to music or what charges were brought against him before his death to include him in the latest conversation of the famous and talented caught being all too human.

This latest version started with J.K. Rowling.

My friend's daughter (star of her debate team) and I agreed. She and I aren't going to stop reading Harry Potter or appreciating those movies because of Rowling's comments and ideas on trans people and gender.

We can separate the art from the artist. People are human. We don't have to choose between agreeing on every single topic and banishing them from our lives. Humans are not black and white. They contain multitudes. To this point, Jacqueline Novogratz recently said in an interview on The Tim Ferriss Show,

We're taught that there are bad people and good people, monsters and angels. And yet the truth of the matter is that monsters and angels live in every single one of us.

Then the "I will never watch a Woody Allen film again" comment.

Ages ago, my friend worked at the private school in Manhattan when Soon-Yi and Allen visited to enroll their two adopted daughters. As she was retelling the story of that day, she said she was disgusted when she saw them touring the school. I guess my friend isn't reading my work on Medium.

I sighed. Knowing the conversation was about to take an uncomfortable turn, and said, "I believe Allen. I don't think he molested his daughter Dylan."

Allen is accused by Dylan Farrow (who was aged six at the time of the alleged incident) and Farrow of molesting Dylan one day at Farrow's summer home. At the time of the alleged incident Farrow and Allen were going through a messy separation and headed to court to determine custody of Dylan, Satchel and Moses. Allen and Farrow adopted Dylan, and he was an active caregiver in Dylan's life.

(It's important to note that Allen has never been accused of molestation before or after this one incident)

My friend and I went on to debate for quite some time.

The impressionable kids grew exceptionally quiet. They are too young to know who Woody Allen is. Their normally talkative banter ceased as their moms took center stage for a bit. Until it got a little tense which prompted the star debater to ask if we could change the subject and then proceeded to go over the rules of debate, explaining the difference between debate vs. arguing to the adults.

They had never seen us disagree before. We've been family friends since they were in utero.

Both my friend and I have been through really tough divorces and were each other's support. Our respective battle scars still healing. Both our husbands cheated with much younger women.

I have never seen my friend so adamant. "Jessica! Can you imagine if a man one of us was dating ran off with one of our daughters?!? When they were in their teens! And don't tell me Allen wasn't a father figure to Soon-Yi. He was definitely in Soon-Yi's life as a father figure."

Me: "Yes. Of course. I'd be upset and never want to see him again, but that doesn't mean he molested the other daughter. One act doesn't make the other true. Also, she was 20 and in college. I know that is young, but it's not illegal. And doesn't make him a pedophile."

I was also thinking but did not say, because our teens were listening intently, that if my mom tried to stop me from seeing an older man when I was in my 20s, I would not have listened to her. However, I'd never date her boyfriend. Also, however, I've never been an orphan at five years of age, living on the streets of Seoul, South Korea, alone having to search for my own food and shelter. As Soon-Yi had before she was plucked from an orphanage by Mia Farrow. (Soon-Yi has no birth certificate and her approximate age was determined by bone scans) so technically, she could be older than her given age.

My friend actually paused because she was taken aback that I thought she was conflating the two issues. One bad decision does not make the other accusation true.

She went on.

"Yeah, but all his movies where he's ogling teenage girls."

(Actually, only one movie has him dating a teen)

Me: "Yes. But that doesn't make him a child molester."

Again, conflating two things to make something true.

These are the two arguments people - usually women - give for why they think Allen molested his adopted daughter, Dylan Farrow. Rarely, if ever, do they bring up Dylan's accusation because Dylan was six at the time.

First argument: He ran off with Mia Farrow's adopted daughter. (Allen did not adopt Soon-Yi. André Previn is Soon-Yi's father. Previn and Farrow adopted Soon-Yi) Soon-Yi and Allen have been married for 20 years and have two adopted girls.

Second argument: In the movie Manhattan, the main character, Isaac, portrayed by Allen, dates a senior in high school, 17-years of age, beautifully acted by Mariel Hemingway. Side note: Manhattan is his most critically acclaimed film.

This second point people bring up is not a good argument. Neither is the first.

Allen is not playing himself in his films. This is a common misconception of both audiences and critics. Critics panned Allen's film Stardust Memories for this very misconception. Critics assumed Allen was playing himself in Stardust Memories, not a fictional character. In the film, the character Allen plays is a writer/director who condescendingly makes fun of his audience and admirers of his films for always wanting him to make "funny films" and not the more dramatic films that challenge the artist. The movie was panned by critics who thought the lead character was hostile, sanctimonious and an ingrate for making fun of his audience and critics.

Audiences and critics often mistake Allen's film character or film persona for himself. Which is infantile.

Woody Allen is a writer, director, and actor. If you've read any of his books, watch any documentary about him (except for the recent HBO doc, Allen v. Farrow, which should be called "Mia's Story." It's one-sided, the very title is misleading) or any interview, you would realize he is nothing like the neurotic characters he plays in his films. Are they similar? Yes. Are the characters he portrays exactly like Allen, the person, and the artist? No, that would be ridiculous.

Yes, he loves NYC. But he leaves it often to travel. He makes many of his films in Europe, he is still loved by European audiences, his films are a financial success there. He has been married twice and lived with Diane Keaton for a long time. He dated Farrow for over a decade, they never married. All four of these women were around his age or a few years younger. He has never dated a much younger woman, except for Soon-Yi. Allen claims the love of his life was his second wife, Louise Lasser, but she wanted a divorce and had some emotional problems to work out. The two are friends to this day. Lasser has appeared in many of his films after they divorced. Allen writes women well, and several female actors in his films have gone on to win Oscars for the roles he wrote specifically for them. He is not a hypochondriac, IRL.

The only glaring similarity between Allen and some of his characters is that he would never reside anywhere other than NYC. And that doesn't make him strange or exactly like the characters he plays. I would say that makes him pretty fucking sensible and normal. If I had unlimited funds, I would have a small apartment in NYC and a house in Los Angeles.

First argument: What usually upsets women when talking about Woody Allen - he ran off with his ex-girlfriend's daughter. According to Allen, he and Farrow were not romantic when he started spending time with Soon-Yi. Allen and Farrow never lived together in the same house. They were never married. According to Allen's book, Apropos of Nothing, Farrow cooled to him when he gave her what she'd been asking for since they started dating in the early 80s - a biological child. Once pregnant, she was done with him, as far as he could tell, and didn't want anything to do with him after Satchel (now Ronan Farrow and a successful American jounalist) was born. While Sascha was an infant and demanding a lot of Farrow's time, as infants tend to do, Allen came over every morning to Farrow's NYC apartment to eat breakfast with Moses (another adopted child) and Dylan. Allen would walk Dylan to school each morning and according to Allen, he was the only parent who showed up to Dylan's parent/teacher conferences.

Poor choice on Allen's part to put himself in a position where he falls for his girlfriend's daughter (Soon-Yi), one he had spent time with as an adolescent. Yes. Weird? Strange? Morally questionable? Yes. Yes. Yes. Human? Yes, we sometimes fall in love with people, that the act of falling in love will destroy other relationships.

I can't imagine the pain Mia Farrow went through and how angry she was and seems still is, as she emotes in the documentary Allen v. Farrow on HBO. Still, it doesn't make him a child molester.

When I bring up to my friend, who is animated at this point, that two separate investigations, one being the Child Sexual Abuse Clinic at Yale-New Haven Hospital, found Allen innocent, she seems surprised by this information.

Me, "Nothing, no, still guilty even though he was investigated, twice? That doesn't matter. Someone is investigated, and not charged, and still…guilty…in your book?"

She didn't say anything. She didn't know about the two investigations that resulted in Allen not being charged. Why would she? Most people who have a strong opinion on this topic have only heard one side of the story. Allen doesn't talk about it much, even when asked. Although he writes about the accusation and media/court drama (there was a custody hearing) extensively in his book, Apropos of Nothing.

I bring up more points like,

Mia Farrow invited Allen to stay at her country house for the weekend to sort things out after she found out about his affair with her adopted daughter but before she accused him of molesting Dylan. Allen was welcomed with a sign posted on the door of the bedroom he was staying in that read, "child molester."

According to Allen's book and Soon-Yi's accounts for New York magazine,

The day Mia discovered the affair, she called all her kids together and spared them nothing. After explaining that I had raped Soon-Yi- which led Satchel, aged four, to tell people "my father's fucking my sister" - she called people and told them I'd raped her underage, retarded daughter. She then locked Soon-Yi in her bedroom, hit her and kicked her, and she and Andre cut off her college tuition. She then phoned me in the middle of the night several times to tell me Soon-Yi was awash with guilt and thinking of committing suicide. Soon-Yi was of course not allowed to use the phone, and this was pre-cell phone days. On the advice of a well-known psychiatrist neighbor, Mia was persuaded to send Soon-Yi to a reputable head doctor. Once out of the house, Soon-Yi called me and said of course she was not suicidal and didn't regret a second we'd spent together, but Mia had her locked up and was violent periodically.

According to Allen, Soon-Yi's psychiatrist asked Allen to pay her college tuition so Soon-Yi could get physically away from Farrow. Of course, Allen paid for the tuition so Soon-Yi could resume her courses. During his relationship with Farrow, he also gave Farrow a tax-free gift of one million dollars because she couldn't financially afford to take care of all the kids she adopted - 10 total.

Mia Farrow said to Allen's sister, Letty Aronson, before the alleged molestation took place, "He took my daughter, now I'm going to take his."

My friend hadn't known about that either.

Ronan Farrow tried to kill a story using his clout and connections as a journalist that featured Soon-Yi's side in New York magazine. My friend thought this was wrong and unethical (Ronan Farrow later wrote a book critical of NBC for trying to kill his story on Harvey Weinstein), yet she didn't know about that either.

My friend then mentioned that I was not the only one who believes Allen and thinks Dylan was fed a story and made to repeat it on video or was coerced to go with a story that was initially invented by Mia Farrow.

I went through a divorce and have seen first-hand how the angry parent coerces the child into thinking and hearing certain things that are not true. My friend then mentioned Alec Baldwin, who also believes Allen is telling the truth. I didn't know that, not that that matters or would inform my opinion.

I make another point that I think will make a difference, and it seems to land with my friend. According to his book and court testimony, when Allen went for a scheduled visit with Dylan's psychiatrist, Susan Coates, who Allen was seeing to make the separation easier on the kids, Coates told Allen he was being accused of molestation. She had to report it; it is the law. Allen was dumbfounded and said, "no problem, report it." Coates would testify that, unlike actual predators, he made no attempt to dissuade her from reporting it.

My last point, which I didn't bring up to my friend, is Allen was able to adopt two infants with Soon-Yi. Both girls. You have to go through rigorous evaluations and background checks to adopt children, especially infants. Allen and Soon-Yi now have two grown daughters who seem to be successful and well adjusted.

My friend's daughter, the star debater, asked if we could stop talking about this topic because she didn't like it, so we stopped.

My friend still won't watch his movies and is still disgusted by Allen.

I still believe Allen.

I've watched more than half his films again recently. And was able to enjoy them without thinking about his personal life.

The more I read about the other side, Allen's, the one the public rarely hears about, I'm more confident he is innocent of the charges. Of course, I could be wrong; I just don't think I am.

I've read and listened to a lot of opinions and reactions, mainly on Twitter. Most of them surmise Allen is pond scum and guilty not because they believe the words of a six-year-old and think her memories are reliable, but they think he must be a child molester because he ran off with the 20-year-old daughter of his former girlfriend. My friend's response confirmed this common reaction.

One does not make the other true.

Here is a brief timeline of the saga per the LA Times. It is kind of confusing with so many children.

1977: Farrow and her second husband, composer André Previn, adopt Soon-Yi, then about 7 years old, from South Korea. Farrow already had three biological sons (Matthew, Sascha, and Fletcher) and two adopted daughters (Lark and Daisy).

1979: Allen and Farrow meet for the first time. Farrow, divorced from Previn, and Allen, not far removed from winning multiple Oscars for "Annie Hall," are introduced at Elaine's restaurant in Manhattan after a performance of Bernard Slade's play "Romantic Comedy," in which Farrow was then starring with Anthony Perkins.

July 16, 1982: "A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy" is released in U.S. cinemas. It is the first of Allen and Farrow's 13 films together, including "Broadway Danny Rose," "The Purple Rose of Cairo," "Hannah and Her Sisters," "Crimes and Misdemeanors," and "Husbands and Wives."

1980: Farrow adopts Moses Farrow, 2, from South Korea. He is her seventh child and the first adopted after her divorce from Previn.

July 11, 1985: Farrow adopts infant daughter Dylan, who was born in Texas.

December 19, 1987: Farrow gives birth to son Ronan Farrow, then known as Satchel. Allen is presumed to be the father. Allen said in a statement at the time: "Mia's fine. The baby is fine. The only problem is he looks like Edward G. Robinson." (Through the years, there would be speculation that Ronan was fathered by Frank Sinatra, Mia's first husband.) Farrow and Allen were not married.

December 1991: Allen adopts Dylan and Moses. According to subsequent court testimony it is around this time that Allen, then 56, begins a sexual relationship with Soon-Yi, 21.

January 13, 1992: Farrow finds out about the relationship when she discovers nude photographs of Soon-Yi in Allen's apartment.

March 19, 1993: The custody trial in Allen vs. Farrow begins.

June 7, 1993: Mia Farrow wins custody of Ronan, Dylan and Moses. Allen is denied visitation rights with Dylan. In his ruling, New York State Supreme Court Justice Elliott Wilk describes Allen as "self-absorbed, untrustworthy and insensitive" and had "demonstrated no parenting skills that would qualify him as an adequate custodian" of the three children. By contrast, Wilk called Farrow "a caring and loving mother who has provided a home for both her biological and her adopted children."

December 23, 1997: Allen marries Soon-Yi in Venice, Italy.