Our Nights Desire

My life isn’t perfect.

Even if I imagined the ugliest cracks of what perfection might be, the person molding it, isn’t the person hoped perfection would be. I didn’t ask for a lot of things and I didn’t want anything big in particular, but the experience of it all had led me to want more bigger and better things.

It’s safe to say I find peace in people when they are suffering. When I see the very sight of people suffering I want to live in it. Their pain is my glory as I try to soothe the point of it’s existence. When people fight with themselves internally or externally, I seem to be the solution to their problem. I appeal to the sight of destruction as it caresses me gently in the darkness of the night. In the day I rest but in the night I come back to life. I feel alive when I hunt in the jungle of the city.

In my eyes I see helpless women dressed in bloody red waiting to get eaten by predators like me. But I am not going for the prey, I am going for the thirsty men. I see them blowing air in their ladies eyes, it must feel good to be blown at by the minty air of vicks. I see people’s jaws chewing so heavily I wonder how many sticks of gum they go through in a single night. While they disperse their weekly earnings tonight I can’t wait to supply their night with happiness.

Ahh happiness. That feeling of joy and excitement on what is yet to come. I fill the void of their every need. I fill the void when vertigo slips in their mind, I produce that ecstatic feeling as the bass creeps into the blood of their veins. In the night, I creep up slowly to collect their debts as they happily dance to the synths. Some of them hug me as I fulfill their wish. Some of them look disgusted as they spend a fortune. Some of them look at me as their savior for a boring night.

It seems so disappointing how the process of human life had to evolve into the normalities of society. Everyday we wake up in the morning to deal with people we hate. Everyday we have to listen to a superior who only favors to their ego. Everyday we have to care for others more than caring for ourselves. The night is the only time to let loose and to feel free. The night determines if we all get lucky in dim lights. The night feels better with a little bit of tequila and that last minute plan to do a little dirty dancing in the club.

In parties and social gatherings I am everyones best friend. They look at me and tell their friends about me. They glance at me and offer me drinks and food. I am the undercover celebrity in all the parties I go to and I love it when they whisper my name. If this was so criminal why did it relieve their pain? If this was wrong then why did everyones life seem a little more interesting after supplying the fruits?

I was everyone’s fruit, constantly growing with game. I never wanted to stop playing. Everyone loved playing the game.

I appear as a ghost and disguised my name, I leave with numbers that text me for more game. The game in which I use to recycle. Everything is a cycle. A constant circle like a hurricane swirling around destroying everything in sight until the devil wants it to stop. Dealing was like a game to me, I constantly dealt with numbers everyday. So much that I got consumed by the life of greed. To win the game I created, I needed to double the numbers everyday. I understand now, how the main character felt like in the Breaking Bad series.

In real life I was invisible, but in the night I was God. I created a reality out of my imagination because I was in control. I controlled the events of the night. I controlled the moods of my clients. I controlled the music the DJ gets lost in. I controlled the way people danced in the night. I controlled the feeling of emptiness that people wanted to avoid. In a sense I got used to this freedom, we are wreck less human beings who hated the way life seemed so normal. We all need to feel like someone else for a change because and in the night we are anything but ordinary. The cages that reality locked us in had to be set free. Do you desire to be set free?