Old Endings and New Beginnings

The sound of the rain pouring on the roof would normally have me far gone into a dream, far from my own reality. Through right now thoughts swirled around my head faster than I can process them. I looked around the apartment, nothing was left, not even glimmer of the life that sustained me for 6 years. There was no hint of where he went, or why. I could admit that our relationship was more convenience than anything, but it was each other that ensured we would survive.

I did not know how long I have been sitting by the door looking at the emptiness, but my limbs ached as I tried to move them. Grief or time had stiffened my muscles to the point that I had to use the door handle to hold myself up.

I shuffled my way down the hall, holding the wall. These halls that I used to scurry through, afraid that someone would see me, I now slowly passed for what would be the last time. I could feel eyes on me as my loud steps echoed. I wanted to scowl at these people, take out my problems on them, to blame anyone but myself. Why would it not be my fault he left.

“Lexi,” I heard from behind me. I knew the voice; it was the landlord of the building. A sweet old lady, but I could not face her.

“Lexi, I know.” She said halting my movement all together. “He left you this.”

I turned around and see a small brown box in her hands closed neatly with tape. She walked up to me and set the box in my hands. She gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“If you need anything,” she started.

I broke into a run out of the building. The rain blurred my vision, or maybe it was tears I could not tell. I could not feel the rain hitting my skin, I could not feel the cold that should be seeping through my hoodie. I felt numb.

I stopped in an alley way. The lights closer to the street illuminated enough of the alley for me to see. I threw the box at the building opposite to me, its once pristine look, crumpled from the water. I wanted to leave it there, a final way to flip off the one person I thought would never leave me.

I went to walk out of the alley but found myself ripping off the tape and inside sat a small black journal. I had never seen it in my life. I opened on it and cursed myself for letting the box get so wet. The pages were only half legible, the rain having washed and smeared a bunch of the neatly written pen. It was his handwriting, I used to “forget” to take notes so I could have copies of his.

I scanned the first page.

Lex,

God, Lex you have grown into the best thing in my life. You deserve a better life than I can give you. I think our ambitions became dull over the years. I have finally contacted my family.

The rest of the page blurred out. I could find him I knew where he came from. His house was never a happy one, I knew that but he left me for the people that drove him out in the first place. The book was useless now, I could not make sense of whatever he wanted to say anyway. I dumped it into the trash and headed further into the alley. That part of my life over the second he left.

We were always ready to run, but now my go bag, the cash, my photos, my partner in crime was gone. I had a small amount of change in my sweater, not enough to start anything.

“Hey,” I heard a voice shout at me. I kept walking not changing my speed. “hey please, I need a favor.”

The man caught up to me grabbing my arm. Looking at him he wore an expensive suit, but his expression was desperate.

“What,” I harshly spat towards him not enjoying being interrupted.

“Look, I need you to drop something off for me.” He holds out a folder in a protective plastic cover. “Please.”

“Why?”

“Look,” he said pulling out his wallet, “This is my little girl, she is turning 6 in a week. I got myself into a situation and it could end up hurting her. I just need you to put this in a mailbox. I’ll give you whatever you want.”

I looked down at the photo, I smile as it reminded me of someone from my past. The small child had brown eyes and brown hair and her smile stretched across her face. I knew that whatever was in that folder could get me into trouble, but I had nothing else to do, maybe it could distract me.

“Fine, where?” I said holding out my hand.

“Thank God, 157 James Street. What do you want for this?” He asked starting to count the money in his wallet.

“Do not let her down.” I state my demand.

“What?” his confusion was clear on his face.

“Your little girl, do not let her down, protect her from the world. She does not deserve what the world will give her. All you need to do is be there. Do not let her down, that’s all I ask.” I explained.

The man was clearly shocked. He thanked me and promised before he disappeared. I found myself in front of a large house 20 minutes later squinting in the rain to make sure it was in fact 157.

The rain and cold finally seeped through my numbness. I gave a shiver and almost jumped out of my skin as a warm hand was set on my shoulder.

“I do not think you are where you belong.” A deep voice whispered from behind me. He was so close that I could feel his warm breath tingle across my ear.

“157 James Street?” I asked as he obviously knew where he was.

“Yeah, come on we can talk inside.” He demands trying to push me forwards.

“Here,” I said turning and shoving the plastic covered folder towards him. He was so close I only saw his broad chest, with a black shirt stuck to it from the rain. “That’s all I was here for.”

I went to move around him, but he caught me by my upper arm. “Darling I am not going to let you freeze to death out here, so either you go inside willingly or I carry you.”

I resigned to going inside speeding up to gain some distance between us. I heard him chuckle from behind me and caught up quickly, passing me and holding open the door. I step inside and sigh as the heat caused my skin to tingle because of the harsh temperature change.

“If you want to sit down at the table, I’ll go grab some towels and a change of clothes for you.” He said pointing to a large dinning room table.

I looked up at him about to decline when I got caught in his eyes. They were a bright blue that sat stark against his tanned skin. I analyzed his face, his nose slightly crooked and a scar running through his eyebrow. He was definitely gorgeous. I shook my head as he laughed.

“You are quite beautiful yourself,” He complimented before disappearing down a hall the opposite way from the table he pointed to earlier.

I looked down at myself, the sweater and jeans were dripping onto the hardwood floors, and my sneakers squished every time I moved. I slid off my shoes but opted to stay where I was afraid to track water all over.

I knew he had come back because he laughed again. “Okay I guess you can get changed in the bathroom to your left. Throw the clothes into the basket once they are off.”

I quickly grabbed the pile of cloth that he had outstretched towards me. I ignored the mirror and quickly discarded my clothes in the basket and dried off before throwing on the sweatpants and shirt. The clothes swallowed me, but they were dry. I finally looked at myself, my brown hair slightly drier but still clung to my skin. Staring back at me were my mother’s brown eyes, or so my father always told me. My mouth was set in its normal frown. I stared for a little longer delaying the inevitable.

“Thanks for the clothes but I should really be going,” I said as I exited the bathroom.

The Greek God of a man was sitting at the table looking through the folder. He was up in an instant, he crossed the space quickly.

“Where are you planning on going?” He asked.

“I’ll figure it out.” I retorted holding his stare, challenging him without words. We held each other’s stares until he sighed.

“Fine, at least let me get your money.” He spoke with authority.

“What money?” I questioned.

“That’s why you did it right, messengers for this its $20,000 per package.” He explained confused by my confusion.

“No.”

“Then why the hell would you do something that was this dangerous?” He seemed angered by my statement.

“The man had a daughter.”

“Well take the money anyway.” The man persuaded grabbing a large roll of bills from the table.

It was more money than I had seen in a long time. My eyes bulged and I wanted to refuse. Money meant more problems.

“If you have no where else to go, I could use someone like you.” He said as the silence continued.

“Someone like me,” I spat offended I was not that kind of girl.

“No,” he fidgeted, “not like that I mean one that doesn’t look threatening. You look normal, like you could blend into a crowd.”

“To do what,” I know it was probably dangerous but the thought of having a purpose excited me. In the back of my mind, I also wanted to see his eyes more often, but I brushed that thought aside quickly.

“Exactly what you just did.” He said “Someone that could get a handoff secretly and no one would suspect. You could make more money than you could dream of. You can even stay here since you seem to have nowhere to be.”

I looked at the money and an idea popped into my mind. I decided that this would be better than chasing someone who obviously left me.

“On one condition, I want to go somewhere right now. I also need a pen and a piece of paper” I set my demands.

“Let’s go,” he excitedly agreed. “I’m Luca.”

“Lexi.”

He grabbed his keys and an umbrella from the closet. We made it to his black SUV, and he opened my door letting me in before going to his side.

I directed him down different streets until we were at the house I always wanted to be a part of but never could. I looked through the window as I walked up to the door. My father sat on the couch with my younger stepsister. Last I heard she was trying to work for the money to go to Harvard.

Tears fell down my eyes as I remember when he chose them over me, the day I ran away. His new wife gave him the ultimatum them or me. That day he was going to leave me to the state because every time he saw me, he saw mom. I quickly shove the money in their mailbox with a small note.

Protect her with your life. Hope this helps her make her dreams come true. Goodbye.

Love you,

Alexandra

As I walked back to the car it was this moment when I made peace with my old life and started my new one.