Just Play it Cool

Marlene did her best to relax. The paperwork was all in order. The final home inspection should be as easy as all the others. She laid on the couch, dangling her legs over the armrest.

The doorbell rang.

She sat up, straightening her skirt. She cursed. Brandon wasn't home yet. He was the fast talker, the reason they'd been able to cheat so many people out of their life savings--promising returns they'd never see just like he'd promised her a life he had yet to deliver.

Combining their stolen cash with money from the house sale, they'd be able to comfortably live the rest of their lives on a tropical beach somewhere. Preferably somewhere without an extradition treaty.

But the plan was crumbling. Their first batch of marks were expecting a payout soon. Marlene had suggested they go full Madoff, paying them with the investments from their most recent victims. Brandon shot her plan down. They'd never have more money on hand than they did right now, he told her. And the deeper they got, the harder it would be to run.

It made sense to her, but she still felt unheard and unappreciated. The doorbell rang again.

"Just a moment! I'm coming!" It was fine that Brandon wasn't there, she told herself. Marlene was persuasive in her own way. The investors they weren't able to con with fancy graphs hammered nails into their own coffin as they stole glances at her low-cut blouse.

She pulled the door open and grinned. The inspector was a short man with thick glasses and a hairline that seemed to be running away from them. She didn't anticipate having any trouble persuading him to make the inspection quick.

"Mrs. Arnaud?"

"Yes, but please call me Marlene."

"Sure. I'm Inspector Locksley." He blushed. "Or, Robin, I suppose. Mind if I come in?"

"I would love that." Marlene made sure to bend over just enough as she opened the door all the way. "Just let me know what you want to see."

He nodded and pulled a small black notebook out of his messenger bag. "I've just got a checklist here. Mind if we start with the downstairs?"

"Makes sense."

She led him from room to room as he performed a list of things she found incredibly boring. Checking the water temperature, making sure the pipes weren't broken, ensuring the thermostat worked.

So dull!

Eventually, he led her to the stairs. "Okay," he said. "I just need to check upstairs now if that's okay."

"Of course. I'll lead the way." Marlene hurried up the stairs, adding what she thought was a subtle sashay. It wasn't. But maybe the time for subtlety was over. If it meant he didn't spend too much time in the guest bathroom, she was willing to do whatever it took.

"Great. This is the master bedroom?"

"It is."

"Excellent, thanks." He checked the carpet and the windows, ensuring that they weren't loose from the frames. Everything checked out just fine, and the walkthrough of the attached master bathroom was just as quick.

"Just the guest bedroom and bath left to do," he reassured Marlene. "Should just be a few minutes."

"Of course! If there's anything you need later, we can send you pictures or videos or whatever."

"I appreciate that," he replied. "I'll do my best to be fast through here as well." He walked through the guest bedroom quickly and Marlene was sure they were safe. But the guest bathroom inspection started with a significantly different tone.

He tested the water, pulling a thermometer out of his bag to ensure it met the proper temperature. He did the same with the shower. As he fiddled with the knobs, Marlene dug her fingernails into her palms. Something was wrong.

The caulk around the tub drew his attention and he ran his finger along it. "When was this tub put in?"

Marlene giggled. "I'm not sure," she said. "You'd have to ask my husband. Can we pause this and have you come back when he's here?"

"Unfortunately not." He glanced back at his notebook. "I just need to ensure that this is solid and we're good to go." He put his hand against the porcelain and pushed.

The tub started to separate from the surrounding wall. Marlene ran past him and grabbed the side. "Oh, no, looks like we need to repair this. Okay, we're not going to pass the inspection. You can go now, we'll let you know once it's fixed."

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm legally obligated to complete this."

"Just… just hold on a second!" She sat down on the tub. "Let me call my husband."

Locksley shrugged. "Of course. I'll give you some privacy."

He stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up," Marlene whispered.

"Hi, you've reached the voicemail of Brandon Arnaud, CPA and Fiduciary. If you're interested in--"

"Damn it!" She sent him a quick text and waited for two minutes before calling again. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, sweetie."

"Brandon!" she hissed. "The inspector is here. He won't leave until he looks at the tub."

Silence.

"Did you hear me?! He's n--"

His voice was ice. "I heard you. Don't be stupid. I'll be there soon."

"Hello? Hello!?"

The door opened again. "Sorry," the inspector replied. "Heard you yelling and wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"Of course." Marlene grinned. "We were done here, right?"

"I just need to see how separated the tub is and then, yep." He pushed against it as Marlene protested, eventually shoving it a good four inches out of place. He made a note in his notebook.

"Great, that's all I need. Mind showing me out?"

Marlene said a silent prayer of thanks and stood up, stepping out of the bathroom. As soon as she was far enough away, Robin shoved the tub hard.

It fell away from the wall entirely, the fake porcelain façade sliding across the bathroom floor.

Marlene looked back. A huge pile of cash filled the hole, rubber bands around stacks of various sizes. Brandon kept the numbers from her, but there was easily a half-million bucks in the hole.

Robin reached back into his bag.

"What's this?" Marlene did her best to feign surprise.

He flashed a police badge. "My name is Sergeant Bradshaw. Mrs. Arnaud, you're under arrest for fraud and grand larceny. You have the right to…"

She sighed. "How did you know?"

"Your husband. We've been close to nailing him for this and a dozen things you probably don't even know about. We promised him a lighter sentence if he told us where the money is."

"But this was all his idea!"

He shrugged. "It'll all come out in court. For now, you're under arrest. We've already detained your husband and let him answer his phone so you wouldn't get suspicious. I'm going to need to take all this into evidence." He pulled out a massive trash bag from his pouch and started to shovel the money into it.

"I'd appreciate your assistance," he said. "Any cooperation will go a long way toward reducing your sentence. I've seen marriages blow up like this before and my advice is to cooperate as much as possible. If what you said is true, you might even just get probation."

Marlene grit her teeth. How could he sell her out like this? Of course she'd cooperate. "I'd love to." She crouched down on her hands and knees, leaning over the hole and grabbing stack after stack of cash.

A few minutes later, Inspector Locksley had filled the evidence bag.

"I can't tell you how much I appreciate your cooperation," he told her. "I truly believe you have a good heart and I look forward to telling the judge as much. I need to take this to the squad car and do some evidence paperwork, and then I'll be back to take you down to the station. Five minutes or so. Please turn around."

He handcuffed her to the towel rack sticking out of the wall. "This isn't too tight, is it?"

She shook her head, holding onto the rage. Whatever she could do to destroy the man who had betrayed her… she was ready.

"Back shortly," he said as he lugged the massive bag down the stairs. "Please don't try to run. It'll all be okay."

She met his eye and managed a half smile. "Okay."

As he walked out the door, sighed again. Jail wasn't going to be fun, but she'd be out soon. And the minute she saw Brandon's face… She shuddered just thinking about it. If he thought he could play her, he was mistaken.

Marlene was happiest when eyes were on her. She grinned as she thought about the trial. She would be the state's star witness, getting her husband locked up for years. It was better than he deserved. How dare he!

Five minutes turned to ten, to twenty.

The front door finally opened again, and she heard footsteps on the stairs.

"Inspector?! Or, officer, I guess?"

"Honey!?" It was Brandon's voice.

"I'm up here! They let you out?"

He jogged up the steps and stepped into the bathroom. "What's going on?"

"Like you don't know. The cop is out at his car right now, he'll be back soon. Guess they're taking us in together."

"What cop? What are you talking about, Marlene?"

"I know you're working with them. I don't even want to talk to you."

He stepped forward and examined the handcuffs. "What is this? These are like, cops and robbers toys." He pulled a latch and it easily released.

She pulled her hands away and shook them out. "I don't know. Why aren't you in jail?"

"Marlene. What's going on?"

"The cop. He told me that they arrested you. And you're willing to testify against me. I'm willing to testify against you too. He'll be back soon."

"Nobody arrested me… Wait." His voice trailed off and he kicked the tub to reveal the empty hole. "Where's the money, Marlene?"

"I told you. The cop took it. This will all come out at the trial."

"There's no trial! I wasn't arrested. Nobody arrested me! Nobody arrested you, either!"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "We'll see."

Three miles away, Robin dragged the garbage bag into a hotel room. He grabbed a pen and tore a page out of his notebook. "Sorry," he scribbled. "If it makes you feel better, the cops don't know a thing. I was hired by one of your victims who figured out you were going to run. They'll likely be satisfied when I return most of their money. I can't speak for everyone else."

He continued. "I've enclosed $20,000. This should be enough to get out of the country and start over somewhere else. For your own safety, I don't recommend waiting." He stuffed the note and a stack of bills into an envelope.

Robin grinned, tossing the cheap drugstore glasses in a trash can.

Brandon paced in circles around the living room. "I don't know what we're going to do. All our credit cards are maxed. I don't know how we're going to make it to next week, let alone get out of the country. Why did you let him see the money?"

"It seemed like he knew where it was," Marlene sighed.

"I can't believe you were so stupid."

Marlene frowned. "I'm sorry, okay. We'll make it through this. I made a mistake, it's okay."

"Whatever. Don't talk to me." He glared at her one more time and stomped up the stairs. She rolled her eyes.

"I'm going for a drive!" she shouted up the stairs.

"Take your time! Enjoy spending the money we don't have!"

Marlene blinked back tears and grabbed her coat and purse. As the bedroom door slammed, she stepped outside and shivered.

Her foot brushed the envelope.

She picked it up and opened it.

She didn't come back.