Jail Journal: Page 10

That vision really frightened me, I was cycling through different realities and dimensions from the overload. It made me pray over the whole ordeal for the first time in my life. I was crying in the blankets, not wanting to deal with any of it.

The actual dream I had when I finally fell asleep was hat of Jahon's mom in this beautiful house.. She was actually very welcoming but I was sort of scared of being in "Russia". There were two adjacent kitchens in the shape of a huge octagons and there was plenty of food.

I think it was me just longing for my commission. I have already done my human tasks so, I do know what else what to do with myself other than write. I am still converting all of this from tissue papers. I feel forsaken here, by god, the dark vision I saw disturbed me to the bone.

I guess that is a sign I need to take a break from writing from a bit.

Finishing that Seventh Heaven dream, there was an auditorium where some kids were practicing for a play. There was this one brown girl with long straight black hair, sitting crisscross on the floor near the entrance.

She asked me if I wanted to play but then quickly redacted, she had kind of a nervous/excited energy. I agreed to play with her, though I am not sure why. We were playing Miss Marry Mac, but had a hard time following instruction like she had ADD or something.

Meanwhile, the church square was filling up with people enjoying hot beverages, spike and not.

An older man in his 50's was trying to ask what was in the drinks. Then asked if I wanted to add some wine to mine. I felt backed into a corner and didn't know what to say...

Waking up today was a relief. I didn't need to dream about my mom's boyfriend talking about my mom like what I heard him say. It felt like it dropped 6 degrees in the room.

I briefly though of my Pixie Road. Perhaps I could work on the story in here while I am up but, I just went to bed again and dreamt of soup, I was really wanting to use tarragon despite not knowing what the heck tarragon was.

Brooklyn still kept approaching me about making calls but I was pretty sure that wasn't a good idea but I appreciated that she was wanting to help me out. I had no contacts as far as I was concerned.

I don't know if Etta will still put up with my shit when I get out, I am sure my brother drained her coffers pretty well with his divorce. She sided with Jessica for the longest time, and I am sure the girls are hounding her about stuff.

I can't wait until I get my phone back so I can be in digital society again. I think being offline is punishment enough for whatever I did. I will not let the surroundings dictate my personhood or my personal perceptions.

I don't feel too motivated to write at the moment but I feel writing is the only thing protecting my sanity at this point. Qi Gong is so hard to do at this point, I have no money to order pain meds and even if I did, they wouldn't be here until next week. Sort of discourages you from exercising in general. Also the uniform is starting to be restricting with how it was stitched together.

You just feel a sluggish malaise even when you're in good spirits. I've decided I'll try dancing to myself to just to keep the circulation going. I sort of wondered if I should try to use the 10 dollars for a mental consultation.