He took my innocence from me

I went a long time wondering if there was something wrong with me if in my past life I did something so wrong that I deserved what I was going through, or I simply had been dealt a bad hand and just had to accept that. But I have been through so much in the 30 years I have been alive, that sometimes you wonder if it is worth it to keep going. I have tried to picture my life in many different scenarios, such as different parents, different circumstances, different friends, taken a different path, made different choices, but all are not my reality. I have heard from different people that G.OD. has a plan for our plans and that we just have to be patient; I got tired of being patient when I practically had my childhood and my innocence were taken away from me. What I'm about to share with you is quite disturbing, and not the thing that I pictured I would be sharing with the world, I do feel it has changed who I am and how I perceive myself; I have never really known my worth, but with this, I felt like I wasn't worth anything. I hope this doesn't seem as if I am seeking pity or empathy, it is more therapeutic, more or less helpful to those who have not had the opportunity to voice their own experiences. I hope for those of you who needed someone to be there for you, I hope you finally found what you were looking for.

Throughout my childhood, at least what I can recollect, I have experienced a lot of disappointment and deceit, from both family and/or outsiders, but through those experiences, I have built myself to be the strong, independent person I am today. I'm not indicating that I am 100% strong nor 100% independent, but I feel I could've been worse off. I had lived in a single-parent household for so long, that I thought this was the norm. My dad was out in the world living his life, while my mom was here living a life for two; herself and I. Growing up, I noticed how hard-working my mom was, she was also a great mom (in certain areas) in the sense that she took care of me as best she could. My actual childhood was decent, I had all that I child would need, and perhaps a little more. But as the years went on, the more my mind was more aware of the dark reality my life really was about. I started noticing the bad habits (examples) my mom was setting with my dad, allowing him to come in the middle of the night to "see her", and seek off early in the morning, thinking I wouldn't notice; well, I did. The bad example my mom was setting in regards to allowing me to see the arguing, combative behavior, the toxicity between them, and seeing him storm off, then he would come back for a late-night session. As I got older, the more I learned that it wasn't a healthy relationship that they had going, and I knew at an early age that wasn't what I wanted, but because that was all I knew, unfortunately as a young adult, I developed my own bad habits. I think I am procrastinating in telling you the actual story, it has not gotten easier to talk about it, and it hasn't become easier to live with my truth, but here it goes. I was going to an all-girl Catholic school, whereas any teenage girl, I created my circle of "close friends" in this stage of my life. I surprisingly was the popular girl, I had my clique, and everyone wanted to be a part of it. Again, this part of the story will circle back to the bad habits that I had created based on the examples I had learned at home and the lack of knowledge of the wrong I was doing. I was dating one of my friend's brothers (he attended the all-boys Catholic school on the other side of town), but I shortly realized this is not who I wanted. On my way home, I would usually take the city bus back home with my best friend, which is where I met my first official "boyfriend". Again, I didn't know better, this guy was already an adult, but I was a consenting teenager, you are probably thinking "what was a grown man doing with a child?", now that I'm older I have realized this. So, we were together for a long time, whenever I would have issues with my mom, I would walk myself to his house, which was not that far, and I would spend the night. I met his family (mom and brother), they took me in as if they were my family, and all was right with the world... or so I thought. As the time passed, he and I started experiencing our own rocky moments that eventually led to separation, which didn't end well. From this point forward, I never imagined my life would take such a turn for the worse. He didn't agree with our separation, he didn't want me to walk away, but I was at a point in my life where I needed my space, I had issues at home and now issues in my home, it was overwhelming. So, I proceeded with my usual route from school to home on the same bus for which I met him, I noticed he wasn't on the scheduled rides, as usual, I thought nothing of it. This particular day was when my life changed; I got off of the first bus, to wait for the second one when I noticed an unusual vehicle parked on the other side of the street, parked in the market's parking lot. My intuition was telling me that something was off. Coincidentally, I was on the bus by myself this day, my best friend didn't join me, she had gotten a ride home with her mom. As I waited for the bus, this van approaches me, I recognize the man inside, he was one of my ex's friends, which I had only met once before, so I was surprised to find him there. I courtesy greeted him asked what he was doing in the area, since he was from out of town, he said "Giovanni asked me to pick you up and take you home". In doubt as to what was happening, I responded, "no, it's cool, my bus should be here any minute", going back and forth, finally he gave up (or so I thought), as I turned around, I felt someone grab me from behind and throw me inside the van. In fear of the unknown, I panicked not knowing what to do, not having a phone, in such a fright of not knowing what this man was capable of. He arrives at what seems to be his place, he grabs me, drags me inside his apartment, throws me on the bed, and takes off my clothes. I didn't have enough strength to get him off me, I struggled to try to push him off me, but he wouldn't budge. After what seemed to be several hours, he finally let me go, rolled off of me, so I found my opportunity to bolt out of there. I didn't look back to see if he had followed me, and just ran back to where I was supposed to catch the bus. To my surprise, my mom had just arrived at the bus stop with my grandma in the front seat and my baby brother in his car seat in the back; I was frantic, speechless, unable to let any words out, I screamed in agony and pain. This man had taken my virginity, as well as my innocence. Yes, I was a virgin when this happened, I hadn't even slept with my ex, I didn't feel I wanted to unless I was going to marry him... but this man I hadn't even known longer than a few minutes, had taken everything from me, like a thief. My mom angry at me for not being able to find me at home when she arrived, came to find me at the bus stop. When he got home, she saw me shaking, scared out of my mind, asked me "what the hell is wrong with you?!", and screamed "call 911!" My mom's face turned pale and the first time I ever saw my mom speechless, she ran to grab the house phone and called 911. Immediately, a couple of cop cars along with some detectives arrived to ask me a few questions; I was still in the initial shock of what had just happened, but I knew I had to say something while it was still fresh in my mind. The more I explained to the lady detective, the bigger her eyes got, the more shocked she was, the more afraid she grew for me. She gave me a look as if she was trying to tell me "I am so sorry for what happened, I wish I could take it all back". Finally, after the report was made, I went to my room and curled up into a ball, crying myself to sleep. A few minutes later, my mom knocked on my door saying that we had to go to the hospital right away to get tested for STDs or any type of disease, that is where I honestly thought my life was over. We arrived at the hospital, waited to be called in, took a few tests, luckily I was able to find out right away that I hadn't contracted anything. In the following days, I had a couple of interviews with the detective, she pulled out a couple of files of suspects that fit the description, and there he was... the man that stole my soul. The man that had stolen from me something I could never get back. With joy yet anger, I quickly told the detective "that's him! OMG! that's him!", she quickly ran to her chief and launch a nationwide search for this man. As the days passed, I had received a call that he was on the run, and was at large... this man was out there, unknowing if he was victimizing other women or girls. Suddenly, I receive a call from an unknown woman, stating she knew that man that had hurt me... she was one of his victims. She started telling me her story as to what had happened, and to find out she got pregnant with this man's children... she was stuck with the horrific memory. I didn't know what to say, I stayed quiet listening to her cry on the other end of the phone. In the days that followed, we became close, kept in touch. A few days after, I was experiencing really sharp pains in my abdomen, he was rushed to the hospital, to just discovered that my ovaries had ruptured, and I was left with a critical ovarian cyst; never being able to bear children, ever. What 13-year old know anything about what this means for their future, I was still in high school, I didn't know better. I called the girl and told her, she was in utter shock. After several months of being scared to go out, I got the call from the police station saying they caught the man in Washington, and had victimized several women while on the run... I was in disbelief, but happy to know he had been caught. Throughout the investigation, I was informed that my ex had planned the whole thing, I hated him for a very long time. I am uncertain if this man is still in jail, but I have not heard anything since. I lost communication with this girl and moved on with my life.

The conclusion to the story is that I fell victim to a horrific event, which changed the course of my future, I don't think I have fully mentally recovered from this, I definitely do not trust people due to what had happened. I have spoken out in regards to what has happened, mostly with people in my inner circle and a therapist, but it is still very difficult to talk about it. I hope this is not too open, not too overbearing, nor too informational. I hope this helps people that have fallen victim to similar crimes, and hope this helps to come forth. Thank you.