Word of the Day: 恵比寿

I think I need to write one more story to get my nerves in order. I am going to have to talk to my teacher about my IEP so, I think that is also why I am not feeling completely sorted out this morning. I think I will wait until after class to talk to him about it, unless he brings it up in class then, I guess we can go about it that way too.

I wonder if there is a better option in my love life too.. Like right now, the real choice or decision I have to make is between Sebastian or Reo which is sort of stupid, makes it sound like some stupid teen movie.

Being with Reo would be more.. not even prestigious, Sebastian's mom went to school at Hopkins university, she is hella smart... Reo went to school in LA I think? or Berkley? I have no idea but, I mean... that is such a funny thing to be weighing in for choices in love partner? I mean, I feel l like I am being snooty in some way.

I rather go with what my heart says anyway, and my heart feels too light to really even feel guided towards anyone. I guess that is the 3rd option, isn't it? Be solo. It isn't the failed option, it can be a conscious choice.

I am not happy with any of those though.. I wonder if there is a 4th option? lol.. Maybe.. I don't know maybe I just feel tired of waiting for things either way. I don't need these uneasy thoughts on my mind.

I can't believe I am listening to Daishi from Psycho Le Cemu again. He was in jail too for drug possession, I think that is like 3-5 years in Japan.

I went and posted it all in the Japanese club. I feel like an edgy teacher giving kids banned books.

I don't think I need to freak too much, I am fine no matter what and, like I said, I have faith in my timers and writing stories like this for my mental health. It works, it really does. I think if I didn't write, the loneliness of existing would swallow me whole.

Muse came on Youtube. Map of the Problematique

So fitting. I am devouring this moment right now, it feels like it is mine. Christopher's voice... the anguish...

" Loneliness be over... When will this loneliness be over? "

I am in math class now. The math teacher has such a relaxed way of teaching, my nervousness is sort of dissipating.

I do know that I need to do my math homework as well so, I might need to do it in class now but, I just feel so comfortable writing right now, it is calming me down for the inevitable meeting at the end of the class.

I feel like I should finish my story first before melting completely into math class but, I don't have anything to write at the moment.

I feel completely lost in math but I know this is stuff I need to learn. Luckily he does give us these practice sheets, I think it is better to have them than not.

I am almost done with this story and, mental health wise I feel very content. I hope that I will get this math soon. I do need to put tutorials in Youtube for this class.

I guess I need to do that for sure after this if he gives me a chance with the IEP. I don't want bloodshed over this.