Word of the Day: 起訴

So, I don't know how to summarize everything that happened but I am just writing right now before I start back on the stressful task of uploading my Jail Journal

I am at my grandma's house right now because my niece's baby shower is being hosed at my mom's house so I feel a bit displaced and infantile. I am like a sore and emotional baby. Though, my brain is still healing from the incidents I've been through so I am not mad really...

I accidentally told my grandma too much stuff and I feel like the conversation derailed into a chaotic mess. Though, I got to remember my grandma lives off of drama and such so, my pain she'll eat up. But, it is my fault for even bringing up that information because, I should've known better. Like the saying says " Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. "

My mom dropped off the dog here too so I am havin to babysit as well as having to deal with my grandma. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandma but she talks nonstop and I run out of things to talk to her about eventually because, I don't really want to go over my experience in jail to everyone. Maybe that is why my mom didn't think it was appropriate for me to go to the showers.

Tomorrow is another shower so it is just petal to the metal completely this month. On top of that, there are many birthdays this month and babies being born so it is sort of chaotic.

I feel sort of lost in the crowd and don't know who my friends are. I was talking to Drew for a bit but, I don't want a FwB right now. I don't want to get caught up in anything until all the court stuff is handled and I know for a fact I don't need to spend any extra time behind bars.

My feet also hurt a lot and I am slowly recovering there. I spent like 7 hours a day just pacing my cell and the floors were so hard and dry so I eventually got blisters and cuts on my feet.

It is like the suffering drained me of all desire and ability to feel properly. The foot thing doesn't help either so, I guess I will just wait until those issues conclude and hope for the best.

It is the weekend so I can't really do anything in terms of scheduling appointments. I am not used to or dislike this idle time so I am probably going to just have to work on the Jail Journal.

I also decided to make it public because I don't feel like it is anything I wouldn't tell someone and I got to learn to keep myself open so I don't completely hermit to the point of detriment.

I am listening to tarot cards but since most of them are about love, I feel too numb for it to resonate. I am just listening to things for background noise.. Really, I feel like the whole world is open to me but all desire is stripped; like that horse who is tied to a chair and doesn't realize it could move the chair.

I got my passport in today. Maybe that is a sign I need to live for that now. I know so many well travelled people but I have never even been out of the country. I have longed to travel to other places.

Either way, I will only be able to dream once this court stuff is dealt with and not weighing on my shoulders.