Word of the Day: 平和

I feel like I already used this theme before. Oh well. The girl that is sitting across me right now gave this word to me. It is nice someone feels comfortable to be next to me. Every one is really friendly. I guess I just need to opportunity to be around people who aren't my family or lovers lol. Like just normal people, normal casual conversations.

I am also thinking, I just bought some stuff from Sephora and haven't.

I also forgot I could order doordash here lol. Once when I was having a manic attack before I started school, my instinct was to come here. Now I am here as a student again.

I had that moment or realization kind of the first week of this term, going to the actual cubby that I was at, where I ordered the food and was trying to use their whiteboard to advertise my skills and make some sort of video.

Also, everyone is pressuring me to look for a job, which I think is sort of harassment at this point because, I do not have the time for that. I mean, I could probably spend a bit of time looking at scholarships and grants but past that, I don't have the energy. I don't even have the energy to sit here right now. Also, I kind of see this blog as a job, though it is really more for my mental health.

But I am doing what I can right now, whatever I can right now.

I am just going to auto-write right now and see where it gets me:

Le paise via ti merde ok what the fuck I am getting random Latin shit from German music? What I need the work. Forty five.

Ok I am going to end that right now because, it seems very confused. I rather write my human's thoughts than channel the ether, especially at school. Sometimes I can't help it but it is measured.

Also, homework is a thing. I need to do homework.

I don't think not taking the bipolar medication is. I worry that, I am cursed to live within just my mind, and that my best adventures will only be within my mind and in memories. I feel it is too late to write my teacher about not coming to class either. I feel bad but like I said, I don't have time to do anything. I mean writing does prevent me from doing stuff, but it is my therapy. My true therapy. I think also the discovery of " earning " time at school is sort of.. Well I don't know if it will solve any problems but it is worth a shot. It is good to organize my thoughts and it is basically notes in some sort of way or at least programing my brain to do what I did.

Almost done Kayla. You need to pace yourself on your " therapy " as well I think.

I am just trying to survive my day. Also I guess I am less worried what people think of me here? I am not trying to stand out, I am trying to give myself energy.

I probably need to set up my tabs to actually support completing my Japanese homework. I feel like skipping the first one because, there was a handout and I am sure it is at my house.

I told her I would just find some random sentences.

I guess I am struggling to concentrate. Need to rest and get a massage or something. I guess I wanted FwB because it is like " free massage " but maybe I actually need to just pay for a masseuse.