Word of the Day: 星

I guess, even if the class assignment to learn about infertility treatments for a Japanese couple sort of pissed me off, at least it let me know where I stand on the topic: I definitely don't want children.

A part of that statement makes me sad, because I think it comes about from not feeling safe in this world, like women not wanting children means that the enviroment is not supportive of those thoughts. I mean not always, there is rape and other cultural practices around procreation but, generally speaking for an egg/sperm to take, the couple needs to be healthy and not stressed out. I don't know anyone nowadays who fits that description.

Also since it hasn't been like a life long dream to have kids either, I guess I need to calm down and allow myself some room to allow for the possibility that, there will be people ok with that, and that I am not being pressured to have kids really. No one can force that of me, luckily. Also it isn't a requirement.

It is just hard to stay objective of a topic that triggers me. One of my favorite tarot card readers finally updated so, I am wanting to listen to them before going to take a shower.

I have to say though, I feel more centered right now, maybe it was thanks to Keely. I was able to sort of rant to someone about some of the things that I am dealing with. I do that here but, it is different having someone in front of you, telling them stuff.

I heated up some more baos since I am drinking and getting a little sloppy. I manage to take a shower and get dressed but now I only have an hour and a half before I leave. I don't know if I have time to do both homeworks right now. I will at least try to get one done so it isn't completely lost.

Being sort of wobbly from the alcohol isn't bothering me as much as getting hot does. I am wearing a sweater and it is now too hot to wear. I am almost wanting to put on the air conditioner. I think the expense is worth the comfort for now.

I will work faithfully on my math after I am done with this story but I feel like I need to just sit at this computer for a bit, doing something less stressful for a while to trick my mind in staying sat here.

I filled my timers with 90+ minutes so it should be enough to have a proper study session so, I want to use it properly.

I'm annoyed even looking at my math homework. Also I know that I will need to make sure to make the most of that index card so I need to spend like at least 3 hours going through my notes to find the information I need to save on there.

Eating some protein made me feel a bit more energetic so I am grateful for that. I am not looking forward to doing math, or like I still need to take the book out or flip to the pages I need to. I mean I am just copying the answers from the back of the book so it isn't actually too bad in reality but, I think it is the added worry of also needing to study properly after Japanese class so, I think I need to just enjoy the car ride there and back. Probably take a nap in the car.