Word of the Day: 大混乱

I am sort of freaking out now because I my tutor canceled on me last minute. Not for tonight, I feel like I'll get my homework done on time. But I worry for my test on Wednesday. I have a very busy week ahead of me and I don't think I am going to have any time to study math properly.

I actually don't have time to write this, but I value my sanity over trying to prove anything. I know one of my homeworks has to be late. I might let the Japanese one go... Ah actually I think I need to do tarot cards to decide this.

Unfortunately they said both were very important but only Japanese slightly elevated in being priority.

I have decided that this live tarot card reading. I guess it is feeding me a fantasy that is sort of saving my existence. I know that, once it is done. I have to listen to the Japanese video, no matter what. So I am enjoying me peace right now.

I guess I still have to connect my headphones to the school computer. I am just enjoying the streaming from my personal computer so much, I don't want to move right now.

I just talked to Keely today, I went to bed early and decided I'd work on Math homework after she left. She's gone now so I am back on this machine, planning on trying to finish this Math homework before I go to Japanese classes today.

I think I can do it. I also told Keely about my timer system. She probably thinks I am crazy but I don't care.

Speaking of that, I only have 7 minutes left on my school timer so I might need to jump into the shower and get ready a bit after I post this story.

I also cracked open another mike's harder lemonade. I know it way too early to be drinking this, but I feel honestly, having a buzz a bit is helping me stay calm with all the stress from everything right now. The only downside is that I get a bit sweaty and that my stomach gets a bit upset.

I am also drinking tea with it so, it isn't like I am just getting hammered with alcohol. I do wonder if I should bother to make anything to eat though. I guess I did eat those frozen xiao long baos. I think that adequate protein and carbs for me.

I am wanting to go laydown again. Not even tired, I think I did sleep enough, even though it was like small naps all clumped together, I think collectively I got adequate sleep.

I am still not on my period and it is already the 14th. I am hoping I am late just from stress and not from being pregnant. Bruh, I can't even handle if that were the case. It would either be Sebastian's ( good guy ) or Robert's ( douchebag ). Not that I would carry it to full term but, I mean... I dunno I guess if I was in that situation I would hope for some support in handling it, even going to the abortion clinic. I couldn't see Robert helping with any of that but Sebastian might reluctantly.

I just feel like, it would be too much to go to my mom with it, but I mean, if I had no other choice I would. I mean, I would have to but. I feel like, in that situation, I'd rather handle it privately between me and whoever the "father" was. My mom doesn't need to know everything I do.