Word of the Day: はたと

I woke up at 2:30 am today. It is not bad since I went to sleep at like 6-7pm but I feel like I am not sure what I am wanting to do today.

I know that I should prepare for tomorrow when Keely comes. Thanks to scheduling messages on the phone I can message people this early morning without disturbing people at the time I woke up.

I need to call my lawyer to ask some questions about expungement but I think I understand that I have to wait a year to be able to make this change actually, but I just want to confirm with him to make sure that is a correct assumption.

I don't even remember my dream last night but I know there was a lot of talking and moving around. I guess it is just processing everything I have been doing lately.

Listening to tarot feels sort of wrong? Not morally or what not but I feel myself not wanting to passively listen to something. I think I want to listen to a lesson or informational videos a bit more.

I told my prescriber about my inability to orgasm lately. I am not sure if it is abilify or just me adapting to my surroundings somehow. It was embarrassing but I had to be honest about of that.

I mean, it is possible I am going through the earliest case of menopause ever, but I feel like at 35 I should seek out help for this problem. I feel like this is in fact some sort of medical issue because no one told me about this happening when someone enters their 30's.

Worse case scenario is that I somehow damaged my body physically with the nerves or something. But, perhaps my body isn't producing some sort of hormone as naturally anymore and I'll end up wearing hormone patches.

My mom called her cousin but I feel like that was excessive or not worth it. I have sort of bad blood with her because she introduced my mom to sending me to Cedar Hills.

She doesn't always know stuff so, I am not sorry for hanging up on her. She doesn't know my journey or if they think I am not serious then fuck her.

I am out of my weed, I have been doing that way too much lately but, I feel good or I feel like I am handling things well. I think it is all thanks to writing. I bet it is how Anne Frank felt when writing.

Yes, finally I can feel like I am not hiding away in my room and actually traveling even if it is mentally, to some other place.

I am crying about it right now but I also know that, we all deserve that inner peace which no one can take away from us. I might be overwhelmed with stuff and I'll feel very grateful for whatever help I get from my family with moving.

I don't know if this is a real thing or not, but I feel the cortisol leaving my body right now. I was so tense a few days ago knowing I had to do all this stuff but I feel like, I got a hold of things right now and I feel proud of myself.

I even created a way where I can study using my Todo list: I use the back of the list paper to make notes during study time. I just flip the tablet over to change modes.

I realize, I haven't drawn in a while.. Is that going to be my new normal?