word of the day: 清潔感

I am still writing the Jail journal. I have the rest of the papers on my desk, but my current life is making me want to type/talk more and it is distracting me from that.

Mercury is trining Mars today and on the 25th Mecury conjuncts Saturn.

A Mercury trine Mars aspect in astrology signifies a harmonious alignment between communication (Mercury) and action/assertiveness (Mars), indicating a period where you can effectively express your thoughts and ideas, take decisive action based on clear reasoning, and potentially excel in situations requiring quick thinking and clear communication.

Mercury conjunct Saturn gives a well-structured and disciplined mind. You love applying yourself to mentally challenging tasks and may need this to keep your mind occupied on productive work. The major difficulty with this aspect is a tendency to get in a rut, dwelling on negatives when your mind is left unchallenged or idle.

It is basically summarizing my feelings, I feel I am in a rut because I don't have anything of super importance going on. I mean I have to handle my medical bills still and fix the door, but I feel like after that I have nothing going on.

I can't tell if I am depressed or just tired from a lack of sleep. My weight went back up because I am not following the diet I gave myself. I ordered the trays yesterday because I am taking it seriously today. I feel like it will really work if I actually adhere to it because it worked in the past, but if I am depressed and snacking on stuff throughout the day, it won't work.

I have some Patreon subscribers, so I got a little extra money this month. That's pretty good, also it is going to be more next month because one of them was on a 50% discount for their first month so, next month that will not be the case.

I am scheduling some posts to give myself some time, but I have no idea why, because it isn't like I have something I need to do in the meantime. Like if I was having to do extra work to make up for a vacation or something. I actually have to make a lot of artwork pieces.

I have been doing pretty well on it but I am going to get burnt out if I don't watch it.

I am also wanting to do some art that my customer is not asking for, but I don't mind since the subscription is for my time, not necessarily for the pieces themselves. As long as I have something to post, it doesn't matter what I make to me.

I briefly thought about when I went on a road trip with Jahon to the waterfall. I was so high that time, I was freaking out. It is not his fault, he didn't know I had a trauma about waterfalls and fear falling in.

I hate not being high anymore. My therapists and my case manager are talking about getting me a peer support person, which I guess is nice but I mean, I don't think it solves and long term things but I guess that is not what it is meant to be.

I have some guys I am interest in but, I feel so dull and lifeless about it. It is like we barely met and I feel like I have the energy of a person who's been in a 15 year marriage. (Like tired and routine) But, they live in different states so, perhaps that is why we're both not so enthusiastic. I'm not young and hopeful anymore.