Word of the Day: 愛

I am proud of where I am right now. I am not in the best of places but I am not in the worst either. I have an adequate amount of tasks and I have some how found a system to navigate all I have to do. I just got to keep going even if it is just a little bit.

My school desk, aka the dining table is actually pretty organized. I am very happy about that. I have opened up the powerpoint presentation but I haven't exactly worked on it. I am actually missing a paper to write on to plan it out. I need it for visuals.

I am at my first day of school and managed to get here extra early. I found the same cubby I came to when I was having a manic episode. I guess it was sort of a premonition of today. I wanted to be productive, I wanted to have purpose. I don't know if I found it coming back to school but, until the next steps are clear, this is the best thing I could do. When I figure out what I want to do or when opportunities come, I will adjust accordingly.

I feel like school is for people who either have very clear goals or aren't well adjusted to society. I feel like I am only here because I can't make it out in the world. But hey, I got to do something.

I feel I am wasting a little bit of time writing this but I think I need to get some of my nervousness and excess energy out somewhere before I grind on math. Speaking of that, I need to schedule a tutoring session. This computer is so slow. it is a bit frustrating. I see my words being typed out like a minute after I already typed it out.

Apparently there are no math tutors available in my area and the nearest one is 60+ miles away. Fuck that, I guess I am just going to have to rely on Youtube tutorials.

I am actually in class right now. Funnily enough my book that i needed was available to me via vending machine like some alleyway in Tokyo.

My mouse is actually not useful here as the desks are small and the class is pretty full. I do like having my timer with me though.

Anyway, having at least one of the books I need right now makes me feel a little at ease. Right now this class seems so silly to me but at least it won't be too bad. He is kind of a stiff, my teacher. He was in business and taught at many places it seems but not outside of Oregon.

I am not a particularly amazed at his teaching style, but at least the first problems don't seem so hard. I think I will do ok as long as I follow the modules and get a tutor. I hope what I learned earlier this morning about the only tutor being available all the way in Dallas. Either the online portal is wrong or hopefully people will fill in later in the term.

I finally got out of school. It wasn't too hard but I know that it won't be that way forever.

I am feeling a little manic but I am hoping to funnel that into studying and allow that energy to be used towards something productive. I do think I kind of need weed during these times though but I definitely won't be able to buy any until Friday so, I just got to lay off the caffeine for a bit.