Why I Haven’t Written a Romance Novel in 5 Years: Living My Own Love Story

By Sandy Lo

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing about. "

I love that Benjamin Franklin quote, and I always tried to do one or the other, if not both… however, lately, I’ve been doing less writing and more living.

Writing Beginnings...

Since I was 14-years-old, writing was the same as breathing for me. It always felt natural; it was always something I just did. Writing was my calling; my passion. As a kid, I experimented with poems and songs that were usually spawned from a mellow-dramatic diary entry I had written. I will admit, that was not my forte. Journalism became my thing by the time I was sixteen and I had a knack for it instantly.

Writing articles and running StarShine Magazine became my whole identity when I was eighteen well into my late twenties. It made me realize I was a leader and a go-getter, and that I could do hard, scary things. I was a young girl with everything to prove – to my parents, to the people who teased me about my love for pop music, to the idiot sexist photographers who snickered at me when I got press passes to events because I was a bright-eyed teenage girl excited to get the opportunity that they took for granted. But most importantly, I needed to prove it to myself.

Running StarShine Magazine empowered me, and it is what led me to start publishing novels. Penning stories was actually something I did long before I got into journalism. I loved to write myself or a version of myself as the main character and all my friends and family as fictionalized versions of themselves. In these stories, my character had awesome things happen to her – she was able to stand up for herself against the villains in the story, something I had struggled with in my own life when I was younger – and all her big dreams came true. Mostly though, these stories were about me finally getting “the guy”.

Your Imagination Can Only Take You So Far...

As someone who struggled with her weight her whole life and was made to feel she had to change something about herself for someone to find her attractive, I desperately wanted to be desired, but I wanted even more to be loved. Truly loved – for my heart and for my body.

If you have read all my novels, they all have this amazing love story in them. You can even see pieces of my life interwoven into the characters and storylines: Haley’s struggle to stand up to her parents, Jordan’s issues with his father and the loss of his mother, Cory’s insecurities about her weight, and Cosette’s need to keep her family together.

One thing that stands out among all my lead female characters is the fact that they have never been loved romantically at the start of the story. They say you write what you know, right? Well, for thirty-nine years, longing for love is what I knew.

I started a magazine, interviewed many celebrities, traveled, moved, published twelve novels, but I had never been in love, and no one had ever been in love with me, at least not of which I was aware.

Suddenly, I felt like a fraud. Here I was writing epic love stories when I knew nothing about the subject other than what I imagined it to be like!

I had started seeing a therapist during COVID and through my sessions I was able to realize a few things. 1. I am worthy of love just the way I am. 2. I never actually made room for romantic relationships due to so many fears of enduring the trauma my mother had in her relationships.

Challenge Accepted!

Never being one to back down from a challenge and doing something that scares me, I challenged myself to spend a year focusing on dating. With the support of my therapist, I began my journey and ventured into the crazy world of online dating. To protect my heart, I tried not to take anything too seriously. I had some fun times, some disappointing times, and some awkward/funny times as well. I treated online dating like a crash course to not only get some experience behind me, but so I could also write about it more authentically and get interesting material for future novels. Mission accomplished!

However, there were moments during that six months that I questioned if love actually existed or if it was all just about casual hookups and situationships. Those were certainly easily to come by, but it seemed the only guys wanting serious relationships were a little unhinged.

I Found the One!

To my surprise, after 6 months of dating and after I had pretty much given up on a real relationship, I met the lead male character of my very own romance novel! (Spoiler Alert: we’re now happily married!) Steven has given me all those romantic moments I’ve dreamed of my whole life, only he made them better. He loves me the way I deserve to be loved. He desires me the way I deserve to be desired. And he has the patience of a saint. He is my heart and my home, and I am so lucky to call him mine. He is my perfect match in every way!

And here lies my new problem…

Writer’s block! Now that I have love, it’s as if my motivation for writing is a little lost. I have my own love story, so my purpose for writing fictional romance is currently lost… at the moment. I know it will return, but until it does, I won’t force it just to get a book out. Just know I’m enjoying life and planning for my future with my husband. I’ll be focusing on blogging and other creative projects… And I definitely will be reading more and am planning to start a book club, so keep an eye out for that! There will be new novels, eventually, I just don’t want to commit to something that I’m not sure will happen within the year. I hope my readers will stick by me no matter how long it takes, and I hope I become a better writer for taking this extended break.

Has real life ever changed your creative process?

Drop an answer in the comments or just say hi – I’d love to hear from you!

Originally posted on Sandy Lo's author website + blog: SandyLo.com!

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