Why?

Why? Does anyone out there remember when I shared a story or it could have been in the comments about myself saying that people, for example, some family members that seem to pass right on by me without really acknowledging me. For some reason, I think, they may say stuff like you're lazy and then when confronted say they never said such a thing could have been who they were married too, but really not sure. One called me lazy the other just seemed to ignore me, and what hurt there I really got no help really when my grandnieces and one nephew always gave me a hard time when I watched them, I would discipline them the way I was disciplined by my parents, but that didn't work. I even got treats, baked cakes and snacks that they liked and nothing worked. When I got up the nerve to address this, they either just looked at me like I was crazy, or they ran to their mama like a five-year-old instead of the thirtysomething person she happened to be. What gets me the mother (my sister) only sees that person's side. You would think she would try to be impartial for you would think being a brother she could see my side too, but she doesn't.

The only thing is every time I see this relative all I see is her stating how lazy I am over and over again. It hurts that no one believes me or wants to believe me. Now I believe that one day when she reaches a certain age, that I will probably be around for I will be dead, she will realize when summing up her life what she said was wrong, but it will probably be too late for me to hear. I am nice to that person who I changed their diapers when they were little and even smile and have conversations with her, but it is hard at times for I still hear those other words still. I will always love and like her, but it is hard to be around her a lot of the times. I do still get everyone a Christmas present and when I can afford it, they get a birthday present as well, but even then, I really do not know if they actually like what I get them or is it one those polite Christmas comments and when they get home they throw it away and shove it a box or closet. One Christmas I made homemade latch hook pillows for several of them, and I found one packed in a box with old dirty pillows, one washed theirs and it fell a part and I thought they knew to was stuff like on the delicate cycle. By the way I found the one pillow and washed it. I made some latch hook pictures and rugs for the kids as well and found them thrown under beds or thrown in the corner when they moved. Am I wrong to feel this way? Actually, I still think I do not fit in anywhere down here and its' been years now. They all have memories that I don't have, and I always feel left out of conversations and sometimes I feel they really do not want me around unless they need something done. Usually, I just go to my room or someplace else and read or write or draw for it is easier than just sitting and listening to them talk knowing that you have nothing to add and it's tiring doing that as well and boring for you end up getting up to get something like a drink or something or just walking around wherever. I think I stated my issue and how I solved the issue but really not very good for the person did not admit it just boohooed to mommy.

All I know is the from now on every time I see her all I see and hear is how lazy I am. Guess I will just have to live it no matter how it hurts. The other family members are a little better. Really the only ones that actually like being around me is my one great nephew and two little ones, but for some reason when they get older, I will also be older, and they will probably be too busy too busy to bother with me. Confession time a lot of time I wish I could afford to go back to my home state one day for my sister plans on retiring from her nurse practitioner job when 65 and she is 63 and plans on doing traveling for two other business ventures she has going, and I will be pretty much alone for everyone else will not be around either. In my home start if things work out for me an online program for a local community college as an instructor maybe I could afford to move back.

If you made to end of this sad article thank you for reading my sad life.