Where were period panties when I needed them?

We may have all come across a commercial on facebook or other social media networks where they talk about period panties. Some are geared towards women who may not have access to feminine hygiene products. This I believe is one of the greatest inventions and I wish I knew about it sooner. I love the slogan by Thinx which states “ because every person with a period deserves peace of mind.”

I remember the day that my period came. I was 12 years old at the time. That day I ran a school marathon and I recall experiencing cramps. I assumed that they were a result of my lack of proper training prior to the marathon and left it at that. Then the cramps grew in intensity. I felt like I was being hammered. I took the long walk back to the city and headed home. By the time I got home, I was in so much pain that I found comfort in my bed. A few hours later, it arrived. Now I knew what a period was and I was prepared for it but for some odd reason that was the last thing that crossed my mind that day. It only lasted for three days and I was ecstatic. I thought it would be like this every month for the rest of my life.

The next month I prepared for only three days and to my surprise after three days it continued but with heavy bleeding and intense pain. This was the beginning of my journey with endometriosis. Endometriosis is a disorder in which tissue similar to the ones that line the internal aspect of the uterus grow outside of the uterine cavity. This can lead to an abnormal growth which is usually precipitated by hormonal changes during the menstrual cycle. It affects about 10% of women and can lead to tissue scarring, pain during and after your period, lower back pain, infertility, heavy bleeding including cramps occurring 1-2 weeks prior to menstruation and the list goes on. For more information on endometriosis please visit https://www.healthline.com/health/endometriosis#causes

During my early developmental years till my 18th birthday, I lived with my grandparents so it was very difficult for them to understand. None of the women in my family including my mom had ever experienced it. The word endometriosis did not exist for us where I was from and when I complained about being in pain, I was always told that it was nothing and that maybe I was being a bit lazy. “It can’t be that bad,” was the phrase that everyone else seemed to use. The worst part was feeling like I wasn’t normal because no one else shared my experience. Therefore to them, it didn’t exist. I was forced to cope with it.

Allow me to describe a month in my child bearing life. The pain begins one to two weeks before my cycle. This is associated with intense cramping and constant pain in my lower back and abdomen. It feels like someone is stabbing me repeatedly in the same location. I do not sleep at night. If I had a camera in my room, you would see me curled up in the fetal position with both arms wrapped tightly around my lower abdomen. I constantly try switching between the floor and the bed in hopes of finding a comfortable spot. Again this is before my period. When my period finally arrives, the pain then intensifies and becomes more constant where it is difficult to stand up or walk. In addition, the heavy bleeding would leave me drained. My period lasts about eight days but the cramping continues for another three to five days in a milder form. Before I could blink, it was back again.

I tried over the counter pain medications. Even if it did provide a minimal drop in pain intensity, it did nothing to reduce the heavy bleeding. This in itself was a huge challenge especially while being seated in a class room every day. I remember that day I stood up in class to have a period stain in the back of my school uniform. I was extremely embarrassed and even though I went to an all girls school, it didn’t help. Everyone just stared. I went into the bathroom and turned by uniform around. I wasn’t allowed to go home and there wasn’t a change of clothing but it was the only way that I could make it through the day. While I laid in bed that night, I cried because I felt alone and I didn’t know what to do about it. The constant need for bathroom breaks during class was unavoidable because I knew if I didn’t go as frequently, I would have another accident. My period was my life.

By now you’re thinking, why hasn’t anyone thought about taking me in to see a gynecologist? To be honest, they didn’t know what to do and in my culture going to an obstetrician-gynecologist was only for women who were sexually active or were expecting a child. I was none of the above.

I moved to the United States and attended college. I remember waiting at the bus stop one day after class. The bus was running late and there was no place to sit. I was hunched over at the road side with the sun beaming over me. I was in too much pain to stand and there were tears dripping down my face. I already took all the pain medication I could have and I also utilized a heating pad. When the bus finally arrived, I prayed that there would be a seat available. I needed to be able to sit as I wouldn’t be able to stand for the whole ride. Thankfully I found a seat, sat down and immediately leaned forward and laid my head on the railing. I once again wrapped both arms around my lower abdomen. When I got off the bus, the three minute walk that I took to our apartment felt like I was walking a 5K. There was a fenced in business near the bus stop. I held on to the fence for as long as possible to help propel me forward. At this point the pain was so intense, I couldn’t think. When there was no fence to hold on to anymore, I tried to stay positive by repeating encouraging phrases to myself:

“You can do this”

“You’re almost there”

“Just remember to breathe”

“Only two flights of stairs to go and you’ll be home.”

Once I opened the door, I dropped everything and went straight to bed. At this point I didn’t know what else to do. I did see doctors but no one seemed to provide an explanation. I was just told that I was severely iron deficient and would be placed on iron supplements regularly. Instead of being treated for iron deficiency, I often wondered why they never recommended anything that would just help decrease the amount of bleeding. I thought about sticking a knife in me and pulling my entire uterus out. I was tired of it.

My mom finished her medical assisting program and got a new job at the Obstetrics and Gynecology department at a local hospital. It was during her time there that she shared my symptoms with a few of the doctors in the department. That’s when the word endometriosis was mentioned. My mom having seen patients coming in with similar symptoms made the connection and they verified it. Once I was given the option of birth control to decrease the pain and bleeding, I did not hesitate. They were the drugs I never knew I needed and brought me so much relief. I couldn’t function without them.

During one of my summer breaks I experienced some delay in getting a new prescription since I was out of state. I had no more refills left. After being on birth control for about 4 years, I thought that being without it for a month was doable. I applied to different graduate programs and the interview process had started. I had no idea that I would be getting an interview that month and of course it fell on the week of my cycle. I just seemed to have the best luck. My go to choice was a black suite but the one I had no longer fit. My alternative was a dark greenish-brown suite. I did everything that I could to prepare myself. Yes I prepared for the interview but my preparation was for a long day on my period which included heavy bleeding with minimal bathroom breaks. I had to take three trains to get there, everything was going well and it was my turn to be interviewed. Surprisingly this was a panel interview with six men. I sat at the head of the table and the interview lasted about an hour. There were times when I felt like I wasn’t fully present because I kept feeling the need to use the bathroom but didn’t want to excuse myself in the middle of an interview. After I left the room, I walked directly to the restroom passing people along the way. I engaged in conversation with a few who asked how my interview went. When I got into the restroom, I turned around and I gasped. I had bled through my pants and if I could see it then I’m sure other people did too. However, no one said anything. I’m unsure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

Luck must have been on my side that day. I went into the bathroom stall and took my pants off. I waited for the room to clear and then I washed my pants in the sink. For some reason no one else entered the bathroom during that time. I dried it as much as I could under the dryer. It was still a little wet when I placed it on but it wasn’t that bad. I had to walk almost ten blocks to the train station and it was hot outside. I hoped that the heat would allow it to dry even quicker. It wasn’t a very busy street and again luck was on my side that day. I took the first train ride home and stood in a corner with my back turned away from everyone. I purposefully stood next to a specific corner because there was a heat source. I needed the heat to decrease the drying time of my pants. By the time I got off the second train, my pants were completely dry. I survived the journey home and took a nice shower but I was embarrassed and felt humiliated. What could I have done? Having period panties would have been a life saver. In hindsight an extra pair of pants would have been wonderful.

I continued to be on the same birth control pill for another two years before it stopped working. The pain was returning and it no longer could do the job. I was switched over to a new birth control pill which has done wonders for me but of course it has the side effect of weight gain. I would pick weight gain every day over debilitating pain and the feeling of being drained. I’m not saying that birth control will work for you because it worked for me. I wrote this piece to bring awareness to endometriosis. If a woman complains about having heavy bleeding and pain, don’t just tell her to “suck it up” or say words like “it’s not that bad”. It's surprising when those comments come from other women too. For some women, endometriosis has taken over their lives. Be kind sometimes and if you period is uneventful be thankful for that. Some of us just want ours to be uneventful too. I am finally learning to live instead of just surviving.