Where my Heart lies

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be free from the confines of society? To be wild and exactly how you'd like to be without a second thought to what others think or how they might react? I do. I ponder over such things after every intrusive thought.

What would life be like if I ran on only instinct? Would I be like an animal? Would I run through the wild and tear at my food, killing without mercy? No, I have the ability to speak, craft tools, and feel empathy.

So, would I live my life like a spy, changing my appearance, name, and overall identity as I please? Would I lounge in great hotels under someone else's card and drink only the best whiskey available? No, I love my family and that could get pretty lonely.

So surely, I would collect pets and babies and lovers and friends and fill my life with a great big party! I would be the talk of the town and be famous and witty and have surgeries to keep myself as beautiful as possible for as long as possible. I would say anything that came to my mind and talk without a filter. I would hug and kiss anyone I wanted and dance instead of walking. No, I wouldn't have enough energy for the ones that I really care about, let alone have enough time for myself.

Maybe then I would laze about and watch TV all day. No work, no workouts, no healthy food, no appointments or phone calls. I would let someone else take care of me and enjoy foot rubs and mani-pedis and spa days on someone else's dime without a thought crossing my mind about being too much of a burden. I would spend time with friends only at my convenience and only when we do what I want to do. But then I would become soft and unhealthy. Everything would be monotonous as my friends and environment would cease to enrich my life.

Obviously then I would travel all over the world and find the most enriching experiences I could. I would taste new foods at every meal, meet new people, see new sights, hear new music, feel new sensations as I expand my horizons. But then, where would home be? To be constantly roaming means to never feel safe, at home, stable, or secure.

I guess when I think about where my heart really lies, it is right here where it belongs. Balanced in the middle of a web of all these things; some realism with room for dreaming in the midst of family, pets, and friends. With a future to look forward to and a past to admire. Lovingly, lazily, wonderfully wild, I now realize that being free is being me. I already make these choices every day and have carefully curated that life that I am living in. I have control over my actions, and I am already living life to the fullest.

That doesn't mean I won't ever think about my options, but it means that I am satisfied with who I have become and who I can become. It means that I truly am free in every sense of the word, and this is the life I have already chosen.