Where Did all the Love Bites Go?

As a teenager, I was a late starter when it came to romance. While many of my friends had partners, I was still trying to find my inner courage and ‘make my move!’

One morning at school, I noticed my friend had a big purple mark on the side of his neck. He was trying his best to conceal it, by wearing his shirt collar up and sinking his head down like a tortoise in a shell.

“What the hell happened to you?” I yelled across the classroom.

“Shhhhhh! Don’t be so bloody loud. You’ll get me into trouble. It was my girlfriend, ok. She bit me.”

“What! Why? Maybe you should call the police!” I replied.

“It’s a love bite you idiot. Have you never even heard of a love bite?”

Up until that moment I hadn’t. But all of a sudden, I began noticing them on kids everywhere. It was as though Dracula and his gang had swooped into the schools dark corridors, then gone on a munching fest.

A few weeks later, I met a girl that actually liked me (yes, miracles do happen!) and we started dating. Then, one weekend I went on a double date with my friend to our local ice-rink. Ice-rinks were great! They were the perfect excuse to hold hands and get close to your partner; although mine spent most of the time helping me up. I was a terrible skater!

Anyway, my friend decided it was crucial that I go the next step and give my girl a love bite. (I believe this is also known as a ‘hickey!’) But I felt rather nervous about it, so I asked for his advice.

“So, how exactly do you give a love bite?” I asked.

“Well, let me show you,” he replied.

He proceeded to roll up his sleeve, then bit into his forearm as though he was eating a meat sub. After some sucking noises, he finally released himself from this strange act of self-cannibalism and revealed the result ...

A large purple patch of blood which he had drawn into the surface of his skin, was surrounded by a nasty looking bite mark.

“Are you sure she’s going to like that?” I queried.

“Of course she will mate. In fact she’ll be expecting it. Trust me!”

So later on, when they dimmed the lights of the ice-rink and put on the love songs, my girlfriend and I started canoodling. Then in the middle of Whitney Houston’s ‘I wanna dance with somebody.’ I just went for it. She groaned a bit and ran her hands through the back of my hair. I’m not sure if this was pain or pleasure, but I assumed the latter and continued to bite and suck.

Finally, Whitney stopped singing and I released my fangs. Then, the lights came up and I looked at her neck. The mark was huge! It was as purple as Prince’s Purple rain outfit ... and was my jaw really that wide!

“Is it a good one?” She smiled at me lovingly.

I think I must have looked terrified, because she asked me if I was ok. Then from the corner of my eye, I could see my friend waving his arms frantically and pointing at a rather large man that seemed to be walking towards me. My girlfriend turned around.

“Oh shit! It’s my dad!” she cried out.

My stomach, heart, and lungs, all folded in on each other simultaneously. I looked at the hickey on her neck and realised I was dead meat.

“Just run!” she said. “I’ll call you!”

My only choice was to sprint into the ice-rink toilets and lock myself in a cubicle. That is exactly where I remained, until the cleaner was about to turn off all the lights and close up for the night.

Sadly, she never did call me again

Going back to my title, it’s been a very long time since I’ve noticed a love bite on the neck of a teenager. Perhaps the potential risks of tetanus, lockjaw, and rabies puts them off, or maybe they are too busy doing other things!

But I have to admit, it was kind of fun!

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Originally published at https://medium.com/never-stop-writing/where-did-all-the-love-bites-go-0c1ea566f1d1