When Missing Someone Isn't About Them

We often say we miss someone from our past_an ex, a friend, a lost loved one. But what if we don't miss them? what if we're missing a part of ourselves? A moment in time ? A dream that was once alive?

Sometimes when a person from the past comes to mind,it feels like longing. A nostalgic pull at the heart. We may think why am I still thinking bout them? I haven't I moved on? But the truth is, this missing often isn't about the person at all. It's about what they represent.

They remind us of something that hasn't been fulfilled yet_something still aching inside.

Psychologist call this emotional displacement _ when your mind project a deeper unmet need on to someone or something familiar. That "ex" we keep thinking about may not be who we truly longed for. It may be the feeling of being loved, seen, or protected. May be it was the version of ourselves we were becoming back then, or the future we thought we thought we thought were heading toward.

Sometimes we miss the promise not the person.

Reclaim that version of yourself. Honored the dream that's still awaiting. Recognize that this emotion is a signal_not necessarily a call to return, but a whisper to reflect.

As I've navigated these feelings myself, I've come to understand something powerful: The people we miss may be just mirrors. Mirrors of who we used to be, or who we still want to become.

Let your mind wander there_ but don't stay stuck. Use the ache as a compass. Let it guide you to what still needs attention, not who.

You don't owe your past a return. You owe your future your full presence. And most importantly remember: missing someone doesn't always means loving them still. It might just mean you loved a moment in time_and that's okay. Let that moment reminds you of what still matters.

Brené Brown, a renowned researcher and story teller once said: We are wired for connection, but that connection must be authentic. Otherwise, we feel the loneliness more deeply. when we reflect on someone from the past, what often hurt is not their absence, but the gap between where we are and where we hoped to be_with them or without them.

When our dreams stall or our lives take unexpected turn, the mind seeks comfort. It replays memories tie to our hope. It remembers the people we once imagined by our side. But it's not necessarily them we want_it's the feeling we lost.

A study in psychology today explained that nostalgia intensifies when people face uncertainty or transition. It is a psychological tool to create comfort. But comfort doesn't always means clarity. We might confuse that emotional warmth for longing. In reality, our heart might be just asking, what do I need right now?

Maybe it's connection.

Maybe it's closure.

Maybe it's growth.

So what can we do with this kind of missing?

First, sit with it. Ask yourself: what does this person represents to me? It's safety? Validation? A time when life felt full of possibility? Then instead of reaching back,reach inward.

Words by Solange