What’s Done in the Dark

Seeing him for the first time was odd. It wasn’t love at first sight it. It wasn’t lust. Would I have even noticed him if he never approached me? Looking back now I think it was a feeling of familiarity; because our souls must have met before. Maybe in a lifetime before this one or in the magic of the stars…

It’s was fall but still hot… I had been working hard at a warehouse job for months at that point, night shift. It was killing me. I had two kids, boys, young. I was 27 and in a long term relationship with my high school sweetheart, Abe. He was a good guy, he worked hard but we were both exhausted all the time. Always demanding more and more from each other knowing we each had less and less to give. We lost family, lost a house and found ourselves moving back into his mothers house and I’ll just say her and I weren’t exactly best friends.

I honestly hadn’t even thought I would be back at work after having my second son but given our circumstances I dove into that job and worked hard. I wanted to get out of Abe’s mothers house desperately and it always seemed the money just never added up. After awhile when the exhaustion began to weigh too heavy on us both, our relationship became strained. The job took most of my energy and I was good at it. I got promoted frequently and and felt a sense of worth there that I didn’t feel when I was at home anymore.

As Abe and I drifted apart I got closer to the people I was spending my time with away from home, my coworkers. They made the exhaustion bareable as other people often do. Soon my entire life was only sleep and work and the little time I did spend at home I devoted to my kids. I tried to do it all and my relationship with Abe was the price I would eventually pay.

It wasn’t long before those coworker relationships became flirting. Just innocent jokes, eye contact, smiles. I felt confident there. I had a feeling of freedom not being weighed down by the pressures of home. I think it was there where I radiated of ambitions and smiled often, showing the people around me a happiness that was hollow but felt good on the surface. I think it was that glow that may have lead him to me.

Working and chatting with some ladies I saw him approach from out of the truck behind me. I had noticed him before. He was a manly man and stood out, a little rambunctious, too and I had tried to pay him no mind, but when I looked at him… he just felt different. Felt like home. I didn’t even know him but that look would change my entire life…

He smiled big and looked me right in my eyes and asked my name, “Kate.” I responded flashing a sly smile and doe eyes. “Mac.” He said back, obviously flirting. We went back and forth chatting and it was so easy. Like soft butter on toast. We just went together. Time passed and work ended.

It was just one day before he reached out via Instagram. Curious about my day. Thinking of me. My heart tingled. I played it coy, nonchalant. Maybe an hour had passed and we had been in deep conversation for a while now. Again, so easy. All smiles at my phone screen, gushing over his words. Each chime of a new message excites me in a way I never thought. *Ding* I smile. Him again? No. This time someone new, someone I don’t recognize. His wife. Enraged. Screeching at me to protect her marriage that I didn’t even know existed. I was crushed. He tried to explain. I left him on read.

Back at work things went on the same way. I tried to be my usual self. It was a Wednesday when I noticed him again. My stomach dropped. And the same feeling remained. Home.

He approached me.

“I’m so sorry about that.” He said hurriedly. “I am married, but we are getting a divorce.” I rolled my eyes and acknowledged him with sarcasm. I wanted to be noble and shoe him away but I couldn’t. After all I had a family at home just the same. Trying to be noble would have only made me a hypocrite because wanted him. Bad.

“Just spend your break with me please?” He begged. I crumbled. “Fine.” I said sternly trying to hide my flash of joy.

I waited for my break like a kid waits for Christmas. I kept reminding myself that this couldn’t be a thing. Married men never leave their wives. I tried convincing myself not to be so excited to see him but it was useless… my heart sang when time came to meet up with with him. I went outside and seen him waiting for me. I walked over and tried to look calm as the butterflies tore through my intestines. He took my hand and began to walk and I followed without hesitation. We went to his car and spent the whole time holding hands and talking. The half hour break went by in what felt like one minute and my heart ached for more time. We let go of each other’s hands and locked eyes, smiled and went back to work.

Busy stacking in the truck I didn’t notice him come in behind me.

“Hey…”

“Hey! Didn’t I just leave you?” I joked. “Yes but I forgot to do this.” Mac put his hand around my waist and the other grazed my cheek. He closed his eyes and his lips pressed hard against mine. I melted into him. That kiss made me his and my life as I knew it was over. I returned his kiss with passion and we had to remind ourselves we were at work and to step apart. We looked into each other’s eyes and both knew that it was wrong and both knew we didn’t care.