WHAT LOVE ACTUALLY IS.

I am sure we are familiar with the word “LOVE". We describe love as a feeling, a connection, a spark, an interest, a build-up of sensual emotions, and a host of other beautiful things common to it.

Love is often associated with things such as happiness, peace, and luxury. We tend to see anything outside of the seeming facets of love as fake and weird.

We refuse to accept that grace, patience, tolerance, kindness in words and deeds, respect, forgiveness, support, and honesty, are the true meaning of love. Love is sacrifice, love is a bitter-sweet kind of pain, and love is death.

Growing up as a child in a conservative household, my parents were strict and unapologetic, violation of any of their set-down rules meant serious penalties such as serious spankings, seizures of phones as well as disconnection from friends and fun activities.

During one of the days I misbehaved, my mother scolded me out of anger and said soul-imprinted painful words to me that left a scar in my heart for over seven years. I couldn't bring myself to forget those words. Every day I saw her face, the hurt I felt in my heart got worse and I looked forward to leaving home for college and never coming back.

When I resumed college, I rarely called my Mom and Dad, I only reached out to them when I needed financial aid and that was it—, I couldn't care less. I felt they were doing well without me, their headache was gone, or so I thought.

Dad was a very peaceful and kind man, my father never used harsh words on us, and he forgave us easily but he rarely kept to his promises. My dad will promise to send you money on a Monday but he won't send anything till maybe after two weeks. He will never call to tell you what went wrong, and neither will he apologize for dashing your hopes.

My parents constantly begged me to visit home during the holidays or free weeks at school but I never obliged. I preferred traveling to a Friend's family to spend my holidays or give them excuses of how much work i needed to do at school. My mom begged to visit me at school severally but I never wanted to see her face or her representation around me. I missed my dad, grandparents, and younger siblings and a great part of me missed my mom so much —her meals, her warmth, her smiles, her beautiful silky hair, I missed it all.

All of these didn't matter, what mattered most was that she hurt me. After a year of not visiting home, mom paid me a visit at school.

Her beautiful face appeared dull and I could see traces of pain lingering all over her face. She brought me food and new clothes. The clothes were oversized but I loved them.

She pleaded that I come to see her often even if it's a day and that she misses me so much. I agreed to her request just so she wouldn't bother me anymore. Deep within the confines of my heart, I knew it would be hard—, I had chosen my hurt over my love for her–, My Ego greater than forgiveness.

I knew I loved my mom, but I never knew the depth of it. I cried so much when she left and my heart broke into a thousand pieces all over again. Looking at all the clothes and goodies she brought, the thought of my mom traveling over 50,000 miles to see me in another state melted all the pain of the seven years I felt.

I really wanted to hug my mom and family.

Turns out that I punished my entire family because of a sin my mom committed.

I reached out to Mom and told her how much hurt I had been carrying around and how I had forgiven her. We reconciled and buried the hatchet. She didn't know better, she was raised in such a home and she couldn't give out what she never had. That method of discipline was all she had ever known and accepted.

This experience I had with my mom opened me up to a greater understanding of love, family, and forgiveness.

Love is choosing grace over your pride, forgiveness over pain, kindness over maliciousness, patience over ingratitude, and peace over conflicts.

Love is better understood in the face of pain. Don't say you have loved when you haven't died to your Ego.

Love is not losing yourself, love is accepting you and the things, places, and people that give you rainbows after each storm.

I hope you find love today in you and everything.