What can you do at night?

I live in a small town so, most offices and places of worth close at like 5pm at the latest so, it makes doing anything really productive very difficult for me to do.

I am finding that I am having fun finding business emails and sending people stuff because, as long as we are going with what I am good at, I am pretty good at writing letters/emails to people. I was made to believe that wasn't an effective or useful thing to do and that it is better to go in person to places. I do think that there is some truth to that but I don't think writing an email is necessarily useless.

I do need a temp job and it is hard for me to go to businesses in person. It takes me a lot of time and energy to go downtown and when I am there I am just super nervous and don't know how to go about it. I did have that agency trying to help me out but.. How should I say this.. I didn't want to support their business? Like..... I love being a freelancer, it is my preferred way to work. Like freelance or contract work. I enjoy the freedom of being able to work on the work without having to get too invested into the company's bullcrap. Maybe that is too idealistic but, if possible, that would be preferred.

I don't know why, I am watching Linda again, but she's making a lot of sense. I mean she is sort of just saying " Be more independent " which I agree with but I feel like I can't do it just yet since, I need to get to Newberg first.

I don't know why but I decided to go on Hello talk and talk to Yuki. He was drunk and irate. I think he was trying to get me to admit the truth about Yumiko or something.. I created boundaries and left. He wanted me to talk about my problems and I was not doing that with him.

I don't even remember falling asleep, I do think I had a dream but it is so faint I don't remember it at all... I was really hoping for guidance for today.

Mom gave me 50 dollars to watch the dog. Ok, thanks.

I am trying not to rely on my dice to make decisions, I really want to get in touch with my emotions/intuitions again.

I really feel like the world is sort of crazy right now. I mean, most of the world is selfish now, that is sort of the norm. But, after that, there is then people who are just completely insane or dangerous.

I know that I am not immune to this, I have had some sort of situations that can be describe as manic, I do think a genetic component exists but, I don't think I can take clinical diagnosis seriously anymore. This world is too messed up right now, it seems almost archaic to refer to psychology. Ah yes, in terminology to describe symptoms but, in reality these words were created in order to give people power over others. I mean, especially to the layman, we use these words to describe symptoms, whether it is accurate or not. The state of being can either be acceptable or not depending on the situation, also.. Unlike in the movies, where people are understanding and there are healthy discussions and respect for boundaries, that rarely happens in real life.. You read about psychologists with diagnosis of NPD treating patients, having sex with patients or having them so over medicated, they rely on them for the rest of their lives.

People on Youtube are sick, people on chat apps are sick. I don't know how many people are actually emotionally/mentally healthy. But, I think that money does help ease stress. So maybe I am not crazy but just too poor at the moment.

I am going to attempt to get ready and deposit the cash my mom gave me but I think I am going to steal back the backpack I gave her. I mean, my brother stole my car that my grandma gave me, probably using it to pay his bills or fund something of his. I doubt they'll give me any money for that. I will let you all know if this in fact is different in reality. But until then, I am not going to apologize for taking anything anymore.