Avoiding conflict

I am stuck in my room and unfortunately none of the cool people are on Hello Talk right now. I also don't have any new updates of favorite channels on Youtube. I sort of want to take a shower, but I already took a shower with Yumiko... I didn't wash my hair so, I am debating taking another shower just to do that. Ah! I am a bit excited now, I just put two and two together. I need to keep writing and my thoughts will eventually get better. I have to have faith in that. I have faith in that.

I know right now it is complete gobbly gook but it is a process, you know?

I am treating my diary/journal as what it is: therapy.

I did sign up for vocal plus because I thought maybe I could get money from this site while venting, but I think I need to consider it an investment on myself. 10 dollars a month therapy. Should work out I think.

Also, for the occasional reader who does stumble upon this, I can get some opinions on things. So it should all be good. This new perspective is actually brightening my day. It is sort of what I wanted. I mean, because I know I quit therapy but therapy wasn't cutting it. I was getting so much knock back with the pill pushing and, basically my therapist talked more than me. Like, I don't mind talking to people and being around people but, I mean when you're in a situation where the person is supposed to fail, it's just rigged.

I mean, I can't be called crazy or bipolar when there are people walking around forming relationships with Ai and ditching people for technology. I mean, I guess I am sort of doing something similar writing, I mean it is a solitary task at the least.

But, I deserve some esteem or happiness, even if it is just for 30 minutes. I deserve to vent and destress and not feel judged.

I keep seeing bags of tomatoes in the house and wonder if Jahon stopped by and gave them, I don't know it is far fetched but I felt like it was worth asking. He thinks I am crazy anyway and I don't really care anymore. I mean I do feel like I should be semi-concerned with the consequences, but like I said, I wonder how much is hidden from me in this house.

I found randomly a... I am not sure what it is called, but it is the stir stick for paint? Like the type you get at Lowe's and stuff? I mean, it was just sitting on the window sill. I have no idea what it was doing there and I am more than positive that it wasn't there before. I could be wrong but I feel like I cleaned the room too many times not to notice something like that on the window sill.

I should probably brush my teeth and stuff before going to bed, I finally feel like I deserve to be clean now after being tired all day. Wahhh I feel like I was productive. 3 posts together, that's great.

The Tarot I am listening to now is a bit of bullshit or, maybe like they said, I avoided something pretty bad which is good. I do feel like that's the truth. I mean the fact that I felt.

All tarot cards say the same thing and it is a dynamic that plays out pretty much throughout life where there are at least 2 love interests and that one is more healthy for you and one that is a pretender. In my life, I have no idea who is who. I have talked about Jahon and I think about Yuuichirou

I just have a lot more energy this night. I have no idea why. I was watching a video that Night owls and Early Birds are a natural evolution of humans because there were people who had to do the night watch at night to watch over the people who were sleeping.. and that naturally gave birth to astrology and such because it was the view that was available for those people.