tired

I'm tired of doing the dishes, laundry, planning next day, meet up, do my homework, make sure to get my daily steps. And the list goes on...

I was tired of ''living''.

Every day felt exhausting having to follow a routine and some ''rules''.

It wasn't like i was suicidal, not at all. In fact, I like living , perhaps because i hang on hope, that there will be exciting days ahead of me.

But everyday i felt like i was sunk more and more deeply everyday in the loop of my daily routine.

And before i knew it, i didn' t look forward for the next day. In fact, i wished the day wouldn't end, so that tomorrow doesn't come. Because tomorrow was another tiring day, especially mentally.

Tomorrow is going to be boring....i know it.

Is that why some people go on the bad road?

Drugs, sex, alcohol....

But no matter how bad it got, i only found myself sinking in sleep on my bed.

Ugh, how much i love sleeping. I can be free, not worry about a thing. Just me in my warm blanket, away from today and tomorrow.

It was time for a change, but tell me how does one change?

How does one come out of their comfort bubble, even when they are sick of it?

How does one achieve fun stuff to do?

No matter how easy the '''solutions'' might sound, and how much i wrote them down, it was just so hard to do.

And then i found myself, lost. Wanting a change but not knowing how.

So i became a negative person, bitter.

I hurt the people dear to me, because i was sick of myself and my life.

Though i know i shouldn't be.

You know something funny about me?

Everything i judged people for, i ended up falling in the same place of them. Life reminding me to never judge again.

There was once a girl, one day she decided to change her life 180 degree, moving out, to another kind of lifestyle. Let's just say it wasn't a pleasant one, atleast not in my opinion.

So I judged her for it, why did she do that? I mean why not be thankful for your ordinary life? You lived peacefully with your parents, sure some nagging but that's how we all live. You had a few friends, not alot , maybe not even real ones, but hey you still got some like the rest of us. You went to school although you hated doing homework, but that's how every student is like. Yet we keep on going, so why did you change it and throw everything behind?

I never understood when i got a phone call from her , telling me ''I'm just sick of everything''

I judged her, said in my head that she was just being ungrateful. I didn't understand how she felt, since everything felt so ordinary, why would she be sick of it?

Until i became in her shoes...

Sometimes ordinary is the worst, it makes you feel so full yet hungry of life.

You wish for a change, even if it might be worse..

You just want something different, feel a new person. A new kinda life.

Now i understood, the things i used to adore so much, i became sick of them.

Sure, one day everything will vanish on it's own and i will be a new person.

So let's hang on until then ..